and then some.
Of course, because Brad is coming home for R&R; but also because of all that God is showing to me during this time. Oh my. He is so good at teaching us about Him through our circumstances. For weeks... possibly months now... this song has been in my head, in my heart, etc. I could listen to it over and over (and have).
The line that really gets me, "Am I doing everything to follow your will? Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?" Oh that gets me...
Brad sent some of his birthday stuff home, books & movies to share with me (he's good at sharing). And I loved a book by John Eldridge, Waking the Dead. I was surprised when I started my Bible study book, Having a Mary Spirit; that the two books would reinforce so much of what the other says...
I know, I know, if the books are biblically based they should reinforce one another, but that isn't always the case. Thankfully this time it is the case...
I can see God working mightily in my heart. I know He has been working in Brad's heart as well. I am excited to be able to talk over these things in person - some things just don't work over the phone or via email. (well lots of things, but we'll just stick with God-changing-hearts-conversations.)
I don't want to try to type everything out in this post, but I do want to encourage you all to examine your opinion of your heart. Do you think it is a sinner's heart? Or do you think it has been redeemed? Here are just a few thoughts to ponder (in all your free time...)
The Lord their God will save them on that day as the flock of His people. They will sparkle in His hand like jewels in a crown. How attractive and beautiful they will be! Zechariah 9:16-17
Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brillant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Nelson Mandela (from Waking the Dead)
Too often, I fear, we Christians settle for this fish-out-of-water kind of existence. "Well, I'm just a sinner saved by grace," we gasp, as though that somehow excuses and explains away our spastic, flip-floppy behavior- almost holy one moment, completely unholy the next. As though Christ's coming and dying did nothing more than secure for us a place in heaven. As though spiritual mediocrity is the best we can hope for here on earth. As though God created us to be captives even though everything in the Bible says we've already been set free. -Joanna Weaver (from Having a Mary Spirit).
I'm not there, y'all. But I am pressing on... giving in to something heavenly!