Sometime in the last week or so, we watched "Ragamuffin" on netflix with Wilson. It was a movie about Rich Mullins. I liked the movie, Wilson and Brad, not so much. There was something intriguing about it, this man that wrote these songs that I have sung so often. He wrestled with the darkness and hard times throughout his life, but he kept coming back to Jesus. I can't know for sure how accurate the movie was, but the transparency of it was compelling to me.
Of course, the next day we had to jam out to some, "Awesome God." And of course, "Sing your Praise to the Lord," and "Hold Me, Jesus," and even some "Screen Door [on a Submarine]." I ended up keeping Rich Mullins cued up on my phone for most of the week and listened to his songs off and on throughout the days.
One lyric from the song, "If I Stand" reminds me of stubborn hope more than any other. I'll give it to you in context:
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That You will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
If I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
But if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
"If I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home." I think it stands out to me because I have wept as a man longing for home. Have you? When all is broken and lost and a mess and you just want to be home with Jesus? I love a lyric that can capture a moment so succinctly. You might know that about me already though.
One more thing, that is kind of fun. Even though Wilson hated the movie, he has been singing the songs around the house. While I was making dinner tonight, he came in to tell me that he had downloaded 4 of Rich Mullins' songs. Then while we were cleaning up dinner, he brought in his nexxus to play them for me. When "Hold Me, Jesus" came on, he said, "I feel like I knew this song even before I knew it." I told him it was probably because it was on my deployment playlist and I played it all-the-time while his daddy was gone for 15 months.