19 October 2014
when it's all good
Sometimes, in those moments, fear creeps in to steal away that settled feeling of contentment. It plants a lie, "this won't last." Or worse, "you don't deserve this." It hisses it right into the middle of your happy moment and with a heavy-kind-of-false-authority that almost comes off as legit. Have you felt this? That feeling of dread sinking into the joyful occasions?
As you know we just moved. I haven't told you too much about our new house, mostly because it feels like bragging. It is seriously that nice. And beyond what we imagined we would find in our price range. I was almost giddy, although tired, the day the movers brought all our big stuff over. I decided to take a bath in our big bathtub - by far the biggest we have ever had in a home. I poured in some sweet pea body wash in hopes it would suds up enough for a bubble bath.
As I slipped into the water, for a split second I nearly heard a lie. It's too good. Something bad is going to happen. The weight of it threatened to settle in. But then I heard a True voice, the One that knows all the details. And He whispered, "this is for you, enjoy it."
And the truth is, I don't deserve it, and it might not last -- but I won't let that keep me from savoring these good moments in this place for this time. Sometimes, stubborn hope grows in the good places.
Posted by amanda at 17:09