seven bones

Which is slightly more humorous than seven dollars.  Right?

Which is how much we made at our "garage sale" this weekend. 

And the thing is, I am not really disappointed.  I don't feel like we wasted time.  We did waste a bit of poster board that didn't survive the rain, but other than that we're good.

You may or may not know that we are hoping to buy shoes for our foster care office with the money from our sale.  We are almost completely stocked {at the time of typing; this changes often due to kiddos coming in to care any day of the week}, in regard to clothing. 

When I was in the office last week, the caseworker told me that they had TWO sets of SEVEN kiddos come in to care the Friday prior.  14 kids on the same day.  One child had no shoes whatsoever.  Thankfully, they found a pair of flip-flops that worked.  I knew then that we would use our "garage sale" money for shoes. {There are currently 16 pairs of shoes total - for ALL ages/genders - oh, and 6 pair are women's size 9 or larger.}

We made seven bones.  You can't buy a whole lotta shoes for that... not even kids shoes.

But here's the thing.  Its in God's hands, oh and by the way, He has a ridiculous track record with us + garage sales.

Our first sale in Oklahoma we paid to advertise in the "wrong paper."  I had more baby boy clothes to sell than Babies R Us.  I was 7 months pregnant and desperate, because we had no space for-all-the-bins-of-clothes.  Pretty sure I saved every. single. piece. of clothing Wilson ever wore.  Sure, I was pregnant with baby boy #2 and due in the same season even - but nearly three years of clothing just don't fit as well in a rental house as they do in your parents' basement.  We paid for our ad so after subtracting that we made $4 at that sale.  We had a woman interested in buying our bedding set for $10 so I had set it aside for her... she never came back.  There was some marital tension over that decision.  I looked into selling it on eBay - people did that back then.  Brad took pictures and listed it.  Our five year old bedding set from Target sold for over $180. 

One of our sales here, we had hoped to make enough money to buy Wilson a cub scout uniform.  {Nobody tells you those babies are outrageously expensive when you sign your boy up!}  We didn't sell much at the sale.  We might have had enough for a shirt.  We looked on eBay for used Cub Scout uniforms.  We had a stack of old DVD's leftover from the sale.  Unbelievable that nobody bought them for the hot price of 3/$1.  We figured we could try to sell them on eBay.  Brad sorted them into sets - high-demand sets really - Dora, Bob the Builder, Backyardigans, ScoobyDoo.  The good stuff, people.  I can't remember the dollar amount exactly but we more than quadrupled what we would've made had we sold them at our sale and there was enough scratch for every piece of that uniform.  And money left over for our pockets.

You can't never always sometimes tell.

That's a phrase I am borrowing from The Circle Maker.  {If you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?}  Basically, you can't predict what God is going to do.  Ever.

We are going to try and sell our wares again on Saturday this week.  I don't know if we'll make a ton of money or if we'll be lucky to make seven dollars again.  The thing is, I am trusting God with it; and I am guessing there's going to be a surprise in it.  I'll keep you posted.

You might not be having a garage sale.  Or maybe you just did and you sold hundreds of dollars worth of your junk.  No matter.  The point is, at some point in your life God has surprised you, I bet.  Its fun to go back and remember how He did.  Especially if you are waiting on something now. 

Take a moment and think of a "you can't never always sometimes tell" memory in your life.  Praying that moment is a special blessing to you today.

satisfied

I'm still whirling around a bit as I "unpack" from Summit 9. As I look back over my notes & hand-outs, I am flooded over with such a sense of satisfaction. The kind you get from eating just-the-right amount of your very-most-favorite foods - not the satisfaction from seeing a car get pulled-over that recently sped past you on the highway. Filled-up, content, satisfaction. That.

I should back up a little though. There might be a couple of you that aren't really sure what Summit 9 is or why we went.

The Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) was started to bring a sense of unity to the adoption/orphan care world - rather than a bunch of churches/organizations doing their own thing their own way, there was a desire to come together toward the common goal.

"The Christian Alliance for Orphans unites more than 100 respected Christian organizations and a national network of churches.  Working together, our joint initiatives inspire, equip and connect Christians to reflect God’s heart in caring for orphans in adoption, foster care and global orphan care initiatives." [from CAFO homepage]

They decided to "leave logos and egos at the door." The first Summit had 39 people in attendance. This year there were over 2500!

You might remember that I wasn't sure if we were the right fit for Summit 9. After all, our church doesn't have an orphan care ministry and we don't work for any orphan care organizations either. Aaand we didn't win a free registration.

But God. He always leads well when you are listening, and we were and He did. Brad and I had a sense that we should go, and we had an honest-to-goodness offer from Barbie to watch all four boys for us. We started looking at breakout sessions and considering which might be most beneficial. We were leaning toward the sessions that helped with starting an orphan care ministry within your church. We weren't sent by our church. We hadn't even discussed it church leadership. It just made sense to us even if it didn't really make sense at all.

You see, through our own adoption journey we learned a lot about the foster care system. While feeling like we were "fighting the system" to get to finalization; the reality is that "the system" is understaffed and overwhelmed. There aren't enough caseworkers for all of the cases and their are never enough foster parent homes. Not only are caseworkers carrying more cases than is desirable - the cases are rarely clear cut and often heavy. Add to that heavy, complicated caseload the pressure to find a local foster home when there are none. This, to us, is a place where the Church can step in and love well. And the time is now.  It will likely be messy.

As you know, we've already collected over 40 bags for our local foster care office's supply closet. The caseworkers can grab a bag for each child that comes in to care and get rid of their trash bags. You know, it's the caseworkers that hate to see children carrying belongings in trash bags? They requested bags for their children. We've also collected more outfits than I can count so there are items for kiddos to wear if they need something when they come in to care. A caseworker won't have to run out to Wal-mart hoping to find a suitable outfit for a child in the midst of crisis. A couple posts on Facebook and these needs are fulfilled. I can only imagine what could happen if our churches were organized to help in this way.

After going to Summit 9, I don't have to imagine as much.   We got a glorious glimpse into all the ways God is working in the adoption/orphan care movement.  It was refreshing just to see the number of people, churches, organizations gathered around this central focus. 

I will probably blog a bit more about some of the individual highlights we experienced.  For now, just know we were reassured over and over again that we were right where we were supposed to be.

Summit 9 - day one

[The following post was written the first night of Summit 9 in our hotel room.  The wifi in our room was sketchy at best, so I am just now posting this tonight. In its original state.]

Oh my word.

I cannot even begin to process all that I have taken in. I'm the-best-kind-of-worn-out tonight, and thrilled that we get to go do it all over again tomorrow. It is encouraging to hear stories of where God is at work and how the church is jumping in to join His work. My heart is full.

The last session ended with Steven Curtis Chapman encouraging and challenging the audience about This Story we are all a part of. One song called, "When Love Takes You In," had a video with adoptive families and gotcha day clips. As I watched and listened, I remembered.



I remembered that nervous drive across town to their foster home. I remembered how nervous I was to walk up that sidewalk, how my throat felt thick and my heart pounded fast after Brad knocked - and we heard squeals from the other side of that door. My heart - and our family - has never been the same.

When the door opened, we saw those faces. Quite honestly, they looked at us with a little fear and a lot of uncertainty. Brad and I got low on the floor and picked up baby toys, hoping to create some interest. There was no magic, the twins didn't suddenly clamor over one another to get to us, but it was glorious. Their foster momma just rambled on about everything and nothing and we drank it all in. I don't think I've ever been more aware of God's glory in a room than in those moments.

I can close my eyes and I'm there all over again.

And I still can't believe that God chose our family to receive such lavish blessing. How deep the Father's love for us!

I hope to be able to form thoughtful sentences about the information we are gathering here and be able to share it with you soon. For now I'm just reflecting on His goodness.

orphan justice

you might remember me mentioning the book Orphan Justice : How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting in this post?

I finally finished reading it and I wanted to encourage YOU to read it.

It is just that good.

I struggle to find the right way to encourage you to read it, because I am desperate for you to read it.

If I'm being honest, I used to think adoption was for people that:

• a) had infertility issues, 
• b) were specially gifted to manage the task of parenting a child from a hard place, or 
• c) were wealthy and could drop $40,000 on the expenses easily.  

That was it.  Neither a, b, or c applied  to me and I didn't relate to the people that they did apply to.  When it came to "orphan care" I thought it was limited to adoption or nothing.  Now that I am an adoptive parent, I can see clearly how skewed my generalization of adoption was.  I wonder if there aren't a few others out there like me.

One of the great things about Orphan Justice is that Johnny Carr starts out with a humble acknowledgement that he is writing from a place of brokenness and not accusation.  He states,

My desire is to share with you what the Lord has taught me, starting with this truth: We can't say we love orphans while failing to address the social ills that directly affect their lives.

Carr breaks down orphan care into ten chapters - each one highlighting a specific area that impacts the orphan population.  It starts with True Religion: Orphans and my Family and ends with This is War: Orphans and Spiritual Warfare.  He weaves his own personal story throughout each chapter in a disarming and incredibly relate-able way.

Each chapter ends with a section called "What You Can Do."  Carr breaks down various action steps to get involved with orphan care.  He writes the action steps in a way that allows ANYONE to participate and then narrows it down to something MANY can do and ends with some action steps that A FEW can do.  By breaking it down this way, each reader has an opportunity to find an action step that they can take right now.  This, to me, is genius.

I told you before that this book totally lit Brad's heart on fire.  He emailed our former caseworker almost immediately to see how we could help.  Friends have jumped on board to give clothing, bags, finances to help fill the supply room for our local foster care office.  I feel like I have barely asked for people to give.  The donations just. keep. coming.  Its amazing.

This response tells me that Christians want to help and God is moving.   There are open hearts that are eager to be a part of orphan care, ready to participate when needs are known.  This book helps make those needs known in an encouraging and tangible way.

If you end up reading please, please, please tell me what you think.  

Also, there are a lot of other resources to go along with the book here.

social media for good

During the media chapter of 7, I had a sense of refreshment...which surprised me. I already mentioned that I didn't find myself more productive necessarily, but noticeably more clear-headed. I wondered if perhaps I should just stay disconnected altogether. I mean, who doesn't want to feel clear-headed and refreshed?

But I got a couple packages in the mail. I also got a phone call and some texts about clothing for the foster care office. These are concrete, hold-in-my-hands, reminders of the good that can be accomplished through social media.  {Picture proof :: donations we received in the last two weeks.}

Of course, there are plenty of not-so-concrete examples too - rallying prayers for a tiny baby to survive, shared praise over plane tickets (finally) being purchased so adoptive parents can go get their children, tears of joy while looking over redeployment photos, even just a "I really needed to read this today".  These things matter.  Deeply.

The way I conduct myself online matters - just as much as how I conduct myself in person. The way I read my friends' words should mirror our conversations over a cup of coffee. I think its critical for me not to "read into" the words on the screen, you know?  The time away reminded me to be careful; but also encouraged me to keep using it for good.

What are some of your favorite things in regard to social media?

p.s. in case you are interested, here's an updated list of needs for the foster care supply closet.  I am totally humbled & amazed by the amount of support that has been shown!

GIRLS

• 1 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 2 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 3 -  2 -  2T
• 3 -  2 - 3T
• 2 - 4T
• 2 -  1 - XS (4/5)
• 2 - S (6/7)
• 2 - 1 - M (8/10)
• 2 - 1 - L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

BOYS

• 2 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 1 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 12 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 2 -  1 - 2T
• 3 -  2 - 4T
• 2 -  1- L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

7 :: the media chapter

If I could sum up this 12 day fast with one word, I think I would choose "refreshment."  Weird, huh?  And not at all what I expected.  I honestly thought "media" would be the hardest thing for me...mainly social media.. mainly because my social life is limited in this season.  So I thought I would really "miss out" on the interaction.  But I did not.

Let me back up and tell you how I framed my "media fast."  I omitted Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.  I allowed myself instagram, not exactly sure why I made that one "ok" but I did, and I don't regret it.  I decided to not turn on the TV in the morning even though we have a habit of morning snuggles while waiting for the local weather on GMA from 7:00-7:20am.  I also decided to not to turn on the TV or watch TV if I was the only one in the room. The fam opted out on this fast and it was ok.  A few nights, however, Brad and I just decided to read instead of watching junk TV and I think that is a habit that we might continue.

So that is what I did.

I hit a snag one day via instagram, when I tried to enter a sseko contest that was being held on FB.  I schemed a way for Brad to help me enter and then realized that it was much too complicated for it to go down that way.  I haven't yet checked to see what the actual rules are on the contest, maybe there's still time! {fingers crossed!}

So my overall impression was that I felt refreshed being off of social media and reading more.

  I didn't turn in to a crazy, productive person around the house - although I did make some awesome sugar cookies even without pinterest. 

There were other subtle but meaningful things I noticed as well.  I worked with Wilson on a school project, I try hard to be hands-off on projects so that I don't take it over.  I colored some cardboard brown for him and helped him turn his fish into 3D instead of one sided.  He told me "thank you for working on my project with me mom."  I realized that I might have just been reading twitter feeds, or FB statuses, or perusing pinterest for craft ideas if I weren't on this fast.  I also learned that it is possible to work with him and not for him. 

Another thing I noticed is that I seem to yell less.  I hate to admit that publicly, but its so true that it would be a shame to not share it.  This falls right into my word for the year - unflappable.  I realized sometime around when Lent started that there was a connection to when I yelled and that I was often holding my phone or iPad reading something via FB or twitter.  I would say, "let me read this real quick " or "hold on a second."  And inevitably when Lincoln or Franklin asked me for the 17th time to fix the door on the bus I would yell "enough already, I fixed it 16 times, rant, rant, rant..."  Gross.  So for the remainder of Lent I decided to take FB off of my phone & ipad, and only check it from the PC - usually once a day.  I haven't put it back on my phone and probably won't.  I noticed during this fast that I yelled less frequently and the flapping was less likely - probably because I was less distracted.

I'm still thinking over why I felt such refreshment being off of social media.  I am a thinker.  I like to think about things.  My strengths-finder test even said so --it also said it doesn't actually matter what the topic is, just that I think a lot -- so not necessarily a smart thinker.  Honestly, I think that is part of my issue with social media.  I'll see something on FB and then think about it off and on throughout the day.  This isn't always a bad thing, but more times than not I tend to stew over things... and not even necessarily things that impact my actual relationships. 

I tried to think of an example to share so you could get an inside glimpse to my thinking-thinker-brain but I don't want to make anyone feel like I am referring to a post they made in the past. The main impression I am getting is that it is my responsibility to reign in the thinking-thoughts when they begin to invade my day.  It'll start by adjusting some settings, and probably unfollowing some twitter peeps (I don't interact much on twitter but read a lot of links via various authors, speakers, and pastors).  I also sense an urgency to pray before checking up on my media and to pray when I feel the thinking-thoughts-tension coming - right then, not later. 

I think it is also critical to give myself space for creativity.  I can load up my limited "free time" with twitter and pinterest and facebook and often walk away with nothing to show for it.  I made this printable from a verse that really resonated with me after our Pastor preached from this passage a week ago.

I love making little printables like this.  It actually energizes me to be creative, but only if I allow myself the time and space for it.

One of the things I really liked about Jen Hatmaker's take on media in 7 is that there is a balance to be found.  Sure, sometimes its easier to just abstain than try and make reasonable boundaries for participation.  Here's a portion of what she wrote in the companion guide to 7:

In Corinthians, Paul wrote: "Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful.  Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up."  (1 Cor. 10:23)  I can no more decide what this looks like for you than figure out my apple TV.  This is no place to compare and judge.  We assess beauty and struggle and creativity and stories differently.  Some messages roll of you like Teflon, but they lodge in my thoughts for days.  Others don't affect me in the slightest, but they plant ideas in your head you can't shake.  And still others are probably a bad idea for all of us.  Just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

Once again.  It boils down to the heart.  Asking God to guide your boundary making will always bring good results. 

I am hoping to write a post tomorrow (?!?) about one of the awesome benefits of social media.  If time allows. ;)

7 :: the possessions chapter

This chapter was a tricky one for me.  So much so, that I felt prompted to make a totally awesome vlog for the book club members.  Or totally dorky, depending on who you ask. ;)

I hit a couple of barriers with wrong-thinking.  I can see now that the wrong-thinking was bleed over from other areas.  As Brad and I keep opening our hearts wider to what God has in store for our family, my brain starts to circle around old, familiar lies - you know the ones that accuse or discredit or stall.  Somehow, I was on a not-quite-good-enough-streak which even carried over to my thoughts about what possessions I could donate.  God carefully helped me identify those lies, but it was slow-going there in the midst of these 12 days. 

I have a lot of stuff to get rid of or pass along.  I came to peace with the conclusion that it won't all be gone at the end of my 12 days (today).  Part of it will be combined with the used clothing from the foster care office for a garage sale in a few weeks.  We'll then use those proceeds to buy more outfits to stock the donation room.  I sent an email to a local organization to see if they could use some crafty-supplies.  I'm also going to see if any of my fabric scraps will be useful for Sole Hope.  I might even host a shoe-cutting party. 

Once God brought me to the other side of the wrong-thinking, He was able to lead me toward the right places.  It is so critical to capture those wrong thoughts.  The verse I am memorizing right now helps:

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ," 2 Corinthians 10:5

 I also want to leave you with a quote from 7.  It is really the heart of the possessions chapter and I think regardless of which tax bracket you fall into, these are important things for ALL of us as North American Christians to consider.

We top the global food chain through no fault or credit of our own.  I've asked God a billion times why I have so much while others have so little.  Why do my kids get full bellies?  Why does water flow freely from my faucets?  Why do we get to go to the doctor when we are sick?  There is no easy answer.  The why definitely matters, but so does the what.  What do we do with our riches?  What do we do with our privileges? What should we keep?  What should we share?  I better address this inequality since Jesus clearly identified the poor as His brothers and sisters and my neighbor.  What if we tried together?  What if a bunch of Christians wrote a new story becoming consumers the earth is groaning for?  I suspect we'd find that elusive contentment, storing up treasures like Jesus told us to.  I'm betting our stuff would lose its grip and we'd discover riches contained in a simpler life, a communal responsibility.  Money is the most frequent theme in Scripture; perhaps the secret to happiness is right under our noses.  Maybe we don't recognize satisfaction because it is disguised as radical generosity, a strange misnomer in a consumer culture. (italics are Jen Hatmaker's, the bold is mine).

I am repeatedly blown away by the blessings I am getting from going through this book with the book club {of awesome people}.   The creative ways in which God is driving home the lessons for each lady/family is just beautiful.  I am thankful that we are trying together!

pray for your pastor

Did you read this post by Beth Moore?  I retweeted it and I posted it on FB.  I think its worth reading if you are a Jesus Follower. 

It resonated with me so deeply and, of course, Beth Moore is going to write it better than I ever could. 

After Brad told me about Rick Warren's son on Saturday I cried a little (of course).  I prayed for their family as I made dinner.  Sometime later in the evening I told Brad, "if one person posts something hateful on FB about this, I swear I'm gonna quit facebook.  I'm quitting it for good." 

Maybe you've noticed there can be a whole lotta snark up in there on the FB?  It greatly affects me when the latest "controversy" gets everyone fired up.  I'm a feeler.  I get all twisted up in my gut when hateful things are posted and the arguments that erupt in the comments.  Gah.  And these are on my Christian friends' pages.  Double Gah.  

I try to keep FB "friends" down to actual friends and/or family members... people I would share a meal with if the opportunity arises.  Even still, there is diversity in my friends' list and there are just days that I don't spend much time there because there can be some downright ugliness.  I hate that part of FB.

 I feared that some idiot somewhere would write an awful, accusatory post about the Warrens and I was worried that one of my "friends" would share it.  And then I was gonna quit.  Thankfully that hasn't happened.  All day today I have been thinking about this Facebook-hatefulness-phenomena and it occured to me that it really isn't new, its just more obvious. 

I think about Pastor Rick Warren and his family, of quietly caring for a child with mental illness while also carrying on the work that Lord has called him to; then publicly asking for prayer in their deepest time of grief.  I think of the words that Beth Moore wrote about Christians hating-on one another and I can't help but think about all of the pastors and their families out there. (Shout out to Pastor Dan in ND!)

They need our prayers.  Desperately. 

One of my favorite things about our church is the Pastor's Prayer Partners ministry (P3).  Our Pastor started it some time ago and as he celebrated his 30th anniversary at our church yesterday, his only real regret is that he didn't start P3 sooner.  I've often remarked to Brad that I think the American Church would be unstoppable if every congregation prayed earnestly for their pastor.

Brad grew up a pastor's son.  I don't think its my place to share his family's personal stories of hurt via congregants; but I will tell you that Brad nodded emphatically the first time we heard pastor talk about P3.  He gave some examples of things a pastor might hear:

• you don't dress you/your family well enough
• you spend too much money on the clothes you/your family wears
• we pay you all that money and you drive a clunker
• we must pay you too much if you can afford such a nice car
• you shouldn't preach so much about -----------
• you should preach more about ----------------- 

Absurd, right?

Our Pastor wrote a book called Pray for your Pastor and he included some statistics in the first chapter...

•  1500 pastors in America leave the ministry every month due to moral failure, burnout, or trouble in the church.
• Of pastors and their wives, 82% are discouraged in the work because they are told daily of someone who is displeased with them.
• 97% of all pastors have been betrayed, falsely accused, or hurt by their trusted friends.  And as a result, 78% do not have a close friend.
• Of all pastors' children, 80% have a low trust of people within the church.

Here's a quote from the end of that chapter:

Ministry is an undeniable calling on the life of a person.  A person who is called to ministry knows it because they are unable to do anything else with success.  A person doesn't choose ministry, ministry chooses a person.  It is that fact alone that makes the life of a pastor a difficult one.  Pastors are imperfect people, who need the grace of God and men.  Sometimes we forget that.  We forget that pastors don't walk on water, they walk beside it.  When a congregation forgets to protect their pastor with prayer, that pastor is more vulnerable to Satan's attacks.  If everything rises and falls on leadership, it is clear why the devil attacks the pastor and his family the most in the church.  Jesus taught in Matthew 26:31 that if you strike down the shepherd, the sheep will scatter.  Jesus uses this metaphor often in the Bible to describe the people and their leader.  He often described people with no leader as "sheep without a shepherd" (Matt. 9:36). The devil will target a pastor not only because he wants to damage a ministry, but because he seeks to destroy the people under that ministry.  Your pastor will be satan's top priority, and that is why praying for him daily must be your congregation's top priority as well.

I wonder what it was like for pastor to stand before the church the first time he introduced P3.  I wonder if his critics were uncomfortable.  I wonder what kind of fury was happening in the heavenly places that day.

I can't tell you what a blessing it is to pray for our pastor daily.  I can tell you, though, that you will experience those blessings if you begin praying daily for your pastor. 

If you don't know specifically what to pray, then pray this:  Ask God to protect your pastor physically, morally, mentally, and spiritually.  I pray this for our pastor and his wife, for each of their sons and their daughter-in-law's and their GRANDangels as well.  I pray for their marriages to be strong and well protected.  I pray that their communication with one another is open, honest, and easy. 

I urge you to pray for your pastor.  Use your words carefully and your prayers powerfully. If you might be interested in our pastor's book, you can click here.  Maybe you will even be moved to begin a P3 ministry at your church!  THAT would be awesome!  

*p.s. our church is classified as a mega-church, our pastor has no idea I am writing this and I am receiving nothing for linking to the book.  I just wholeheartedly believe in this ministry of praying for our pastors; I truly believe it is crucial for a church's health and growth.

give a little bit

Remember the part about organizing some donations for our local foster care office? Here goes...

{Oh, and there are two opportunities for YOU to get involved if you would like!}

When children come in to state custody they often come with very little. Caseworkers sometimes have to bathe the youngest children and scramble to find some clean clothes to put on them. Older children might be handed some toiletries and directed to the shower - in an office building downtown. Meanwhile, caseworkers attempt to find a suitable foster home placement. This is a difficult time for the children. Depending on the family size (number of children in care) it can be difficult for the caseworkers as they try to keep sibling sets together in foster homes. 

One small thing we are doing to help is organizing the donations in the supply room. Currently, caseworkers might spend a half hour or more trying to locate the right size shirt, then another half hour trying to find pants. After all that searching they then have to hope it's clean and that it matches -somewhat.

I spent some time last week sorting, thankfully I had a helper - which was a real blessing for this organizational-skill-challenged girl. We put outfits together, we made hang tags to separate the racks by size. We separated the used-clothing from the new clothing. We tallied our racks and I finally made a list of what is still needed. My goal is to have 3 outfits per gender, per size, up to 4t; and 2 outfits per gender, per size for the older kiddos. I can then easily inventory the racks in the future as items are used.

Here is a current list of clothing needs, by gender & size:


GIRLS

• 1 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 2 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 3 -  2 -  2T
• 3 -  2 - 3T
• 2 - 4T
• 2 -  1 - XS (4/5)
• 2 - S (6/7)
• 2 - 1 - M (8/10)
• 2 - 1 - L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

BOYS

• 2 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 1 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 12 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 2 -  1 - 2T
• 3 -  2 - 4T
• 2 -  1- L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

{INVOLVEMENT OPPORTUNITY #1:}

If you would be interested in donating an outfit let me know in the comments here or on FB.  You can pick a size/gender if you would like or I can "assign" one to you.  (Sometimes I like to pick a match for my boys so they can shop).  The caseworker has requested that the clothing that is donated be new. After sorting it, I understand why - I found a lot of "pretty nice" used-clothing, but also found more stained and weirdly shrunken used clothing. The caseworker added that they cannot become "a dumping ground" and I know first hand that they do not have time to dig through bags of junk. Truthfully - ain't nobody got time for that!

There is also a need for new towels, blankets, and bags.

{INVOLVEMENT OPPORTUNITY #2:}

Remember the children often bring very little with them. We'd love for each child to have his/her own bag to carry their few possessions with them.  The caseworker said in our class that sometimes children have to carry belongings in shopping bags or trash bags.  When Brad asked what the current needs are for their office, she told us they need bags.  I mentioned this to my book club a week or so ago and my friend Jana was off & running with ideas for getting bags for the children. She has offered a Thirty-One Gifts fundraiser and will continue to encourage shoppers at future parties to purchase a bag to donate. While I was organizing the supply room, I found a few bags, but only 1 that would really be suitable for a child.   Click here if you would like to check out the fundraiser.

Jana and I both thought these cinch sacs would be a great choice for the kiddos.  Click here if you would like to purchase one.

7::clothes

[book club post]


[click here if you want to check out the book]

I wrapped up my 12 days of wearing my selected clothing. Actually, day 12 I just wore my work-out clothes all day long. And yesterday? My first day back to my closet and I pulled on way-too-short sweats and a ratty t-shirt. {mostly because of puckers the night before, and partly because I had been cold for so many days in a row}.

198.

Or possibly 187.

{I didn't want to recount and I didn't write it down immediately, therefore the number is in question}

One of those numbers represents how many articles of clothing I own; not counting unmentionables, pjs, or socks. How do I ever utter, "I don't have anything to wear"? 

As I counted, I admit, there were a number of items that I didn't want to count because I never wear them and/or I hate them. For the life of me I can't fully grasp why they are still in my closet. So they will be going during the next chapter, which is possessions. Counting the items reminded me all over again of the importance of trying things on before buying - whenever possible.  I'm happy to say that I don't have anything hanging in my closet that still has tags on it.  Most of the poor-fit/I-hate items are secondhand items that I probably didn't try on - or I tried them on and thought I could make them work because they were a "good brand."  So I can't say I really have wasted a lot of money on clothes, but I have wasted money on clothes.  That needs to stop.

I mentioned that I've been learning about the impact of how/where I spend money. I've been scouring store websites to find information about social responsibility - for assurances that the company does not use child workers, that they pay fair wages, that there are safe working environments, and that workers are treated respectfully. I'm pleased to discover that I have found these assurances on a number of websites. (There have been a few brands that I could not find this information anywhere on their websites; so those will be brands I don't buy.) Here's the thing though, every website that has a well-written piece about their policies seemed to have a bit of a disclosure - something like "to the best of our ability" or "we randomly inspect overseas factories for compliance." Which left me feeling a little skeptical. I'd like it better if they had zero-tolerance statements, I think.

The biggest take-away for me is again my sense of entitlement. I hate that. So much. One morning I was especially cranky because it was cold again. {I know northern folk, I know.} We had a string of unseasonably cold days and as I sat chilled with my coffee thinking about the day ahead, my mood was foul. Just plain grumpy-pants because the shirt I had to wear was a tank-top-tunic and even with my brown cardi over it I knew I'd feel cold all day. I wallowed in it for a bit. Commiserated over the fact that I should've checked the extended forecast, convincing myself that I would have picked better options.

And then that still small voice...the unmistakable impression that I was only fooling myself. The truth is that I was allowing - even possibly encouraging - myself to be discontent at the start of a fresh new day because of clothing. For real. It wasn't like I had to go out naked. I was just going to be dressed for the season in unseasonable weather - and I gave myself a green light to be cranky about it. Lord help me. I was totally missing the whole point. It wasn't really about my dumb clothes it was about my dumb attitude.

A portion of this chapter, Jen Hatmaker highlights Isaiah 58:6-7

“Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
“Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

She went on to describe that often when we hear "fast" we put on a yoke of self-denial.  That is exactly what I was doing.  She later states,

"While fasting from futile things, I don't want to fixate on them, missing the forest for the trees."

The fact that I was allowing my self to scowl through my quiet time proves that I've got some work to do.  But I am hopeful.  And I am confident.  I do believe God is doing a work and making space for changes that are coming.  That confidence helps balance the uncomfortable tension in the middle of this whole thing.

I will definitely be getting rid of some of my 187/198 items. I'll remind myself to try-before-you-buy.  I'll be more conscious about where I buy clothes for our family. Lord willing, my heart will remain open to hear that still small voice even in the middle of a foul mood.  

Summit 9

If you are friends with my devastatingly handsome husband on Facebook (or follow him on twitter) then you have surely noticed a number of recent posts regarding orphan care.

A fire has been lit in his soul unlike any other time I can remember in our 11.5 years of marriage.  It has been glorious to watch.  Although, if I am honest I waver a little between wanting-to-fan-that-flame and freaking-out-a-little-bit-about-where-this-will-take-us.

I will say this, when God lights a fire - the brilliance is amazing.  There is a radiant confidence in Brad that is contagious.  Call him and ask him about it.  You won't be able to help but smile.  So even though my steps feel a little wavering, his confidence in God's leading helps steady me.  I am so grateful to be able to walk alongside him in this adventure of our life.  And my prayer life is growing by leaps and bounds. 

If you aren't on Facebook and you think twitter is annoying, then I should probably fill you in a bit.  Obviously you know our boys came this way through adoption from foster care.  We are certain God arranged the whole thing from start to finish.  In the glorious way that only our Creative God can, He softened our hearts to the greater need.  Every set back in our journey, reminded me that there are SO MANY MORE children that are stuck in the tangled-up-mess of foster care... and then I was reminded that our foster care system is so great in comparison to what children outside of the US are dealing with.  It was never our journey alone.

My heart hurt for so many other children so many times.  But, then again, I cry at every episode of Biggest Loser, so I had no idea that God was actually planting seeds with those tears I cried for those children.  Those children that are orphans.  Its actually hard for me to use that word, because it seems so lonely.  So far off.

And there's that verse, that so-familiar, but often-rushed-over verse:

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."  

James 1:27

After wrestling through the ups and downs and in-betweens of bringing twin toddlers into our family, we have settled in to our new rhythm.  God's redemption work has been evident all the way around and continues to amaze us often.  We are even able to go on date night at church almost every chance we get.  There was a time last year that I really wondered if we'd ever get to go on dates regularly again.  In February, part of our date night led us to Lifeway (following an equally romantic spell in Bed Bath & Beyond).  Brad found a book called, "Orphan Justice : Caring for Orphans beyond Adopting".  He bought it.  He devoured it.

I think its safe to say our adoption journey was the kindling, this book was the flint, and the Holy Spirit doused the whole thing with lighter fluid.  Repeatedly.

So the very next date night we sat dreaming in Panera Bread for a few hours.  Short term goals.  Long term goals.  Crazy-only-God dreams. It was glorious.  I am sure a few people around us were wondering what-on-earth-was-up with us and all-the-smiling. 

So now we need to start.  We have already, in some little ways.  We are organizing some donations for our local foster care office (you will hear more about that, promise). Brad met with our Bible study leader a few weeks ago and he will be teaching our Bible Study class the week after Easter.

We feel way over our heads in so many ways - which is really, truly the best way to begin a journey that God is leading - even if it is a little freaky.  God-freaky is always awesome.

We are getting acquainted with Orphan Care resources and reading, reading, reading all that we can.  We recently found out about Summit 9 which is a conference that covers all the bases when it comes to orphan care.  We've thought about trying to get there even though it is kind of short notice to plan for the childcare.  I don't know about Brad, but I have wondered if we are even the right demographic... we aren't part of any organizations as of yet, and we don't even have an orphan care ministry at our church yet. Then Brad sent me a link about a Summit Blogger Conference, and I realized that maybe we do need to get there.  I can imagine that walking into a conference center with a lot of like-minded believers would do wonders on the flame-fanning and would likely help secure a foundation to help sustain those fanned-flames.  So I am writing this post as part of the Summit 9 Blogger Giveaway. Check out all the details at www.summit9.org.



Even if we don't win, I think its fair to say we are in the praying-about-making-this-happen-stage.

So that leaves me with a question for you:: if we get to go, who wants to come watch 4 really adorable, amazing boys and that one giant dog of ours?

If you have more questions about orphan care stuff; y'all, bring it!!  We could chat this stuff up all day... and then we'll stop talking and get boots on the ground.  You want in?

twin lessons

I think I can keep these short.  Lincoln & Franklin have taught me two distinct lessons over the course of the last 10 days or so.  God is so good to speak to us through our children's behavior.

First up.

I took four boys to a brand new playground a week ago Friday.  I think half of Columbus was there.  I was chasing toddlers, wrangling that free-spirited first grader, and being a tad-too-bossy to the big helper.  It was stressful because there were tons of adults along the perimeter of the playground but I was never standing still long enough to notice the children with each adult - thus leaving that sense of fear that one of the adults might be a creepy-freak.  So we were in constant motion the. whole. time.  I kept telling Lincoln & Franklin that we had to stay together because there were "so many kids."  After a final warning, Lincoln ran off as fast as his little legs would carry him (under the bridge part that is most awkward for me to follow, of course).  When I caught up to him I told him we had to leave because he ran off and there were "so many kids" that it was hard for me to watch him.  He was devastated.  Big sad tears.  He said, "sorry mommy!"  And I forgave him and gave him kisses as I buckled him into his carseat.

I decided we would grab Chick-Fil-A to bring home for dinner, so we headed that way.  Lincoln said, "sorry mommy" again, in that sad voice.  I told him again that I forgave him.  He then looked out the window and said, "so many kids."  I'm not exaggerating, we repeated this conversation at least 6 more times.  "sorry mommy"  "so many kids"  He just kept repeating it. 

He wasn't understanding that I forgave him because his circumstance wasn't changing.

How many times have I puzzled over a past mistake, bringing it up over and over to my Father because the hurt was still there?  Yes, I screwed up.  But He forgave me.  Sometimes I forget to receive that forgiveness.  Do you ever find yourself on repeat when your circumstances still reflect a bad choice?

"As far as east is from west - that’s how far God has removed our sin from us." Psalm 103:12

Second lesson.

Yesterday we took Muskoka to the groomer.  Big girl had been dealing with some seriously bad hair for weeks.  Lincoln & Franklin had never dropped Muskoka off at the groomer before, so it was all new.  When I told them we were taking her to get her hair cut, they asked if she would get the "phone" to play with {they have a special hair cut toy, reserved for hair cuts only}.  I told them that Mussy can't play with the phone.  I told them that we would leave her there to get her haircut because it takes a really long time.  I didn't want them to be surprised when we left her.  We repeated this entire conversation quite a few times before it was finally time to take her.  It was a trip trying to get the 80-pound-spaz through the door with the double stroller.  Of course, she hid behind me while we waited our turn to get checked in.  I tried to turn the stroller so Lincoln & Franklin could see some of the other dogs getting their hair cut and explained how they stand on the table. 

The groomer took Muskoka and Franklin started saying, "Watch.  Haircut.  Watch."  I told him that her haircut takes a really long time and that they would call Daddy when she was done and he'd bring her home. 
"Koka?" 
"Haircut?"
"Watch?" 
Each question was slightly more frantic than the one before.  Both boys were asking in very nervous voices.  I repeated the conversation piece from earlier in the day.  I reminded them that we had talked about it earlier and that her haircut takes a long time.  By the time they were both buckled in, I thought they understood.  As we merged on to the highway, Lincoln said, "Koka?  Haircut?"  I repeated my part.  A little further down the road, Franklin says, "Koka?  Haircut?" I repeated my part.

Now I have to tell you this...  the tenderness in their voices as they asked, kept me from getting irritated with repeating my part.  They were genuinely concerned and I was trying my best to reassure them.  Over and over again.  As many times as they needed to hear it.  They eventually both fell asleep on the way.  When I was carrying Lincoln up to his crib, he woke up and said, "Koka? Koka?"  I whispered, "Daddy will bring her home."

It didn't matter how many times I told them how things were going to unfold.  They weren't grasping it.  They were focused on what they saw happen, we left Koka.  Their little minds couldn't wrap around the idea that Daddy was going to bring her home...even though I clearly communicated that many times.

How often do I struggle with the Truth that I have heard over and over because I am focused on what I see happen right in front of me?  How often does my little mind get tripped up in that space between my reality and God's Truth because I can't figure out how the two will come together?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

a whispered truth

I want to whisper a quiet truth to you on this Monday before Easter.  Its not meant to condemn or even convict, its meant to reassure the ones that just aren't sure.

You know, Easter is a big deal for us Jesus-followers.  Its a celebration of the culmination of all those things we believe.  Those crazy, unbelievable things that we believe with all of our heart.  We believe that Jesus - the very son of God - came from Heaven to Earth.  That He lived, breathed, and walked these dusty places as a man, perfectly.  He was sinless, spotless, loved all - and He did it well.  This week we celebrate His arrival to Jerusalem - the excitement mixed with resentment in the crowds that welcomed Him.  We remember He tried to tell His followers then some things they just could not comprehend.  He prayed and asked the Father if there might be another way, then He laid down His will for the Father's.  He was arrested.  He was beaten.  For me.  For you.  He hung on a cross before a crowd - forgiving and loving even then.  He died.  We Jesus-followers believe this to be absolutely true even though it is nearly fairy-tale-esque.  We believe He was dead.  No breath.  No life.  Really really dead.  Then He was buried.  We believe after three days that He rose from the dead.  We believe he lived, breathed, and walked these dusty places as a man again, but this time with scars.  Believing all of this with a faith that seems child-like, we celebrate this week.  On Easter we give Him glory because He gave us life.  We remember He did this for you, for me.

And the thing I want to whisper to you is simple really.

You don't need a new dress for Easter.

I don't know where this idea came from.  I'm not sure why "it's a thing" in some circles.  But I can tell you a little story about an Easter dress of mine from almost a decade ago.  I think its a story you might need to hear today.

I think it was the first Easter that I was a momma for reals.  I birthed that baby boy in the middle of summer and I guess I probably made myself fit into my fall & winter clothes well enough.  I must've checked my closet on Good Friday, because we were shopping on Saturday for an Easter dress for momma.  {Naturally, Wilson had received at least 2 outfits for Easter, maybe 3}.  No one told me I needed a new dress, I just thought I should have one.  I know we did not have the money for it.  But our credit cards were not yet maxed out, and no creditors had begun calling.  I don't remember a thing about trying on the dresses (or how many I tried on, no clue).  I remember the dress.  It was almost sleeveless.  It had flutter sleeves.  So I needed to find a sweater or jacket to wear with it.  I checked over the clearance racks and found some sort of zip-up sports-wear-like-jacket-thing in a color that worked.  I am pretty sure the dress was not on sale, so I made sure I found a cheap jacket (that was totally not the right style for the dress, but somehow in my mind I needed it).  Oh and I needed shoes.  I had no shoes to wear.  (Unlikely, but again in my mind, I needed shoes.)  I remember the shoes - criss-cross brown-wedge-sandals.

I don't remember what weekend Easter was that year and I am a little too lazy to look it up right now.  But this I know.  It was cold in Michigan that Easter.  I wore hose (aka nylons, pantyhose, old lady tights) with my new dress and my open toe wedge-heel-sandals and zip-up-sports-wear-like jacket.   It was ridiculous.  Absurd.  Probably $40+ of absurdity on a credit card we couldn't pay off.  (Oh and those sandals? They killed my feet. Awesome).

I almost missed it that year.  The glory of Jesus coming for me.  The power of Him that lived, breathed, walked these dusty places as a man.  For me.  For you.  He poured Himself out for me.  For you.  And the truth was (and is) no dress on earth would make me deserve that kind of love.  Nothing I could ever do would earn that, He gave it.  

I thought I needed to look good for Easter, but I couldn't quite grasp it; so instead I looked a little absurd and awkward.  That morning at church I knew, I needed to come and celebrate Him.  The One who rose from the grave, the One that defeated death.  He did it for me.  Not me in a pretty dress.  Me.   And He did it for you too!

So if you are considering attending a church service this weekend, and you are thinking maybe you won't because you don't think you have a dress to wear... or if you are panicking about having time to shop for your Easter outfit, because you need something new... Just let this sink in...

You don't need a new dress for Easter. 

You just need Him.  He just wants you.

“Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. “And you know the way where I am going.” Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.*"  John 14:1-6

*See, nothing about wearing a new dress to church on Easter in this passage.

{Just in case you are a curious, visual person like myself, here's the dress... at least I was smart enough not to wear the zip-up-sports-wear-like jacket for the photos.  I kept that dress for a sweet forever too.}

what to wear?

We are almost halfway through the clothing "fast" in our book club. I gotta say, this one is not like the food one for me. Likely because I am a stay-at-home mom and I wear a lot of the same things day after day anyway.  I am a little more deliberate about what is going into the washer, but because no one else is doing this "fast" with me here at home, the amount of laundry is nearly the same.  I think Wilson and Walker would easily be cool with wearing 7 items all the time.  Honestly, if I wash a shirt they wore yesterday, they will wear it tomorrow.  No issue.  They don't care if they wear the same thing to church each week.  I'm learning that this is actually a good thing, and I would do well to encourage them to be content with what they have (even if right now I suspect some of it is just l-a-z-y; why force them into the marketing machine?)  Lincoln & Franklin really don't care either, but I sure try hard to make sure they wear something different for church and mom's morning out each week.  I guess in a way, Brad is always limiting his clothing choices, thanks to the uniform he wears every work day. ;)

Ok.  So there are my clothing choices.  I really r-e-a-l-l-y wanted to pick all thrifted things, but to try and pick things that worked together was a little tricky.  And being tall, makes thrifting pants/jeans a challenge!  I tried to add text, but you might not be able to see it all so here's the breakdown:

1. green v-neck pocket tee (Target)
2. India Not For Sale tee (buy here).
3. Khakis (thrifted - I think they are Eddie Baur, I'm wearing them and too lazy to check)
4. Tunic Tank top/dress thing (thrifted - Rue 21, dress for the young ladies, tunic for the not-as-young)
5. Skinny Jeans (Old Navy) * I had to pick a pair I could put in the dryer, most of my jeans air dry because I have those super long thighs and I cannot allow my jeans to shrink in length.  I don't love wearing skinny jeans with t-shirts, not sure where my head when I was making these choices.
6.  Brown Sweater Cardi (thrifted - don't remember the brand and too lazy to go get it.)
7. Shoes (2 pair = 1 item, fuzzy math)

• Sseko sandals (buy here)
• Payless shoes from the Good Shoe Project (check it)

Jewelry links:
1. chunky necklace - The Apparent Project
2. set of bracelets - Pura Vida
3. + 7. green paper bead earrings + glass bead necklace -War (Women At Risk) International
4. + 5. + 6.  Multi-color paper bead necklace - blue earrings - multi-color bracelet -Bead for Life

I've been challenged about how I spend my clothing dollars.  I have a bit of a history with being a clothes-freak back in my single days.   There has been incredible growth in this category, but I still always a feel a pull to skim through the clearance racks whenever I am out shopping.

When we started budgeting, I had $7 in my clothing envelope each month.  Believe it or not, it felt amazing to have designated clothing money, even if it was only $7.  Before this, I often felt a pang of guilt over spending money on clothes.  Or I would buy one of each color of the $3 shirt on clearance, even though Stacy + Clinton hadn't clearly stated that this was a fashion no-no. With the budget in hand,  I realized it was important to spend carefully and choose things that fit me well.  For awhile, I felt it was better to buy brand new from Target (or Wal-mart {gasp!}) than buy from a thrift store for similar prices.  I still think that is true for some items and ALWAYS true for underwear and swimwear ;) I've found that you save a lot of money if you make time to try clothes on before buying.

Ok, but to the point already...while reading 7, what have I been learning?

I've started reading companies statements about their ethical & social policies.  (Here's an example.)  I've started reading labels to see where things are made.  I've realized that the money I spend DOES matter.  It is getting harder and harder to convince myself that the overseas-workers aren't my neighbors.  Those Sseko sandals?  They might be one of the happiest purchases ever.  They aren't cheap and it took me a good long time to finally commit to buying them, but I am so happy I did.  The India tee from Not For Sale was actually made in a factory in India that hires former human-trafficking victims or individuals that are at high-risk for human-trafficking.

When I think about the impact my clothing budget can make, it is mind-boggling. Buying from thrift stores is also a very "green" thing to do.  I'm sure most people don't think of it that way, but consider how many articles of clothing go in the land fill each year and suddenly thrifting seems pretty environmentally friendly.  Also, when you purchase used clothing, your dollars go further and they don't go directly to the pocket of the company with questionable practices.  Generally speaking, thrift stores often use their profits for good.  One I shop at here supports Vapor Sports, so the money I spend there goes directly to supporting their mission.  How cool, huh?

I feel like there are a bunch of different lessons springing up with this topic.  Hopefully I will find a way to put them into words over the next few days.

beans + rice + entitlement

12 days of beans + rice. 

Well, I take that back, I had pizza at Sam's Club one of those days... not really on purpose, we ordered one slice per boy... who knew 4 slices equaled one pizza?  It just seemed wrong to throw the extra away.

I learned a few things over the last 12 days.  Some meaningful, others not so much.

• I am such a lazy breakfast person.  Like seriously.  Scrambling eggs felt like I was making a four course meal.  Opening yogurt or pouring cereal is SO much easier.
• I am not very good at making apple chips.  I'd say half a batch out of 3 batches was perfect, the rest were so-so.
• I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make wheat bread rise.  But the boys loved the homemade bread, even if it was a bit on the shorty-side.
• Peeling hard boiled eggs also seems to take a sweet forever.  Might have to try to crack that code.
• My sugar addiction is worse than I imagined.  I thought about sweets a lot.  Like a lot a lot.  
•  The combo of beans + rice and way-more-eggs than normal does not make one gassy like you would think.  TMI?  
• My guys are troopers.  Especially Brad.  Poor guy had a terrible sinus infection but stuck to the beans + rice diet.   Also, Lincoln & Franklin did their best to gag down some beans each night.
• Dinner prep is so simple when you make the same thing every day.  Grocery shopping is also quite delightful when you make the same thing for dinner every night.

To clarify, none of the above were the meaningful lessons.  Well, except for maybe the part about my guys.

I wish I could say that I was super convicted about the amount of food we throw away or about how much money we waste on groceries and eating out.  It would be easier to talk about that, than the real things that were uncovered.

First off, I am a super whiny-baby.  Poor Brad.  I am pretty sure I made a statement about wanting hot cocoa or that Almond Joy every single night.  He would just remind me that I signed up for this... I think he actually said, "you made a big-girl decision, now you need to stick with it like a big-girl."

Secondly, when I considered the whiny-baby-tendency coupled with all the excess that is available to me, I realized that deep down I felt like I was entitled to a little sweet each day.  After all, I was sticking to the plan.  Didn't I deserve a treat?  Oh middle class American and the things I think I deserve.  I'm currently reading a segment from Mended by Angie Smith each morning.  The other day I read "The Tyranny of Choice."  It summed up pretty well the place I find myself.

I've been convicted and overwhelmed over the nature of my humanity and the fickleness that is bred in entitlement.  It started a long, long time ago in a garden where God gave them what was good, but they didn't think it was good enough for them.  The first man and woman felt entitled to choose what they wanted even when He told them that choice was forbidden.  They didn't need it.  They weren't entitled to everything.  He had given them everything the needed.  He had given them Himself.... 

When you expect a choice in every situation, you need to pause and consider what is driving you.  Has God given you what you need?  Are you being overwhelmed by a drive to choose from a tree He has forbidden?...

I don't need a thousand choices in this life.  I need Him. 

I'm desperate for Him, actually.

 When you are tempted to feel overwhelmed by first-world problems and choices, whisper that word under your breath until you feel your bones ache with Truth.  Him. Him. Him.  He gave Himself.

There's no time to wonder about what else He could have given you.  Every bit of it is irrelevant in light of Him.  Live a life that loves Him back.  Choose well.  He is enough.

I'm humbled and bent low.  I knew I loved sugar, I didn't realize I felt entitled to it. 

I'm also reading two other books right now {I know that's a lot of books at one time! I'm taking my time with each of them, and I don't think its a mistake that they are overlapping.}  Orphan Justice and The Circle Maker.  I think it is fair to say I am a mess. It's uncomfortable.  Parts are just plain ugly.  I'm thankful for the pruning, because I know there is no growth without it.    I can honestly say I am done predicting what He is going to tell me in this.  I just want to lean in close and listen.

The other morning, I found myself in Nehemiah, and this verse resonated:

"When I heard these words, I sat down and wept and mourned for days; and I was fasting and praying before the God of heaven."  Nehemiah 1:4

I think there is much more pruning to come.

I'm so grateful for the other ladies doing this with me.  It's been a blessing and encouragement to hear how they are being challenged too.  There were a few times where my self-talk could pretty much convince me that "this whole thing is sort of dumb and silly."  Without fail, another lady in the group would share something meaningful and get my brains back on track.

Up next?  Clothing.  Oh boy.

about the food stuff

I told you about 7: an experimental mutiny against excess in the last post.

I told you a little about how awesome the ladies are that are in the book club. (From 3 countries and at least 10 states, cool huh?)

I told you a little about how I tend to listen to the Spirit and how I see Him shifting my listening skills to be more beneficial to our relationship.

I briefly said something about the food fast.  And added that I might come back to tell you more about it.  So here I am.

For my fast, I decided I would do 12 days out of our two-week allotment.  I talked with Brad about it and we really didn't feel it would be practical as a family to try to choose only 7 foods to eat for 12 days.  We also decided that it would be a pretty bad idea for me to fast completely from a meal a day (or any other version of the-real-deal-no-eating-fast).  We also agreed that it would be absurd for me to try to make two meals at dinner - one for me to include my 7 and one for them.  In full disclosure, at this point, I thought Brad would suggest I just eat dinner like we normally do, and I was fully prepared to agree to that suggestion.  Instead, we settled on eating beans + rice for dinner as a family for 12 days.  Our version of beans + rice has onions, green peppers, and smoked sausage... and we actually eat this meal once or twice a month.  So in a way, I was let off the 7 hook a bit.  (The boys and Brad get to eat normal breakfast and lunch.  And the three youngest will get passes on the beans + rice with from-the-pantry or from-the-fridge replacements).

So this is my 7 list:

• eggs
• apples
• green pepper
• whole wheat bread
• beans + rice
• milk
• coffee

Brad still thinks I shouldn't count milk + coffee; but because my beans + rice are rather luxurious I haven't added anything different.  At least not on purpose... I have eaten about 2 chips, 5 pieces of life cereal, and I added lettuce to my egg salad sandwich today - which had just a smidge of mayo to hold the egg together.

Day 1, found me in absolute shock over how often I walk through the kitchen and pop something in my mouth.  Like all day long.  And oh my the sweets.  I miss them.  So much.  I was prepared to blame my morning headache on lack of sugar; and was awaiting body shakes and cold sweats.  Instead I just day-dreamed. A lot.

Day 3, Brad brought home an Almond Joy candy bar for me.  He forgot.  But remembered as soon as he saw the look on my face when I saw it.  After the boys were in bed, I casually mentioned, "I sure would like to eat that Almond Joy."  You know why I said that to Brad?  Because I thought he'd give me permission to just go ahead and eat it.  He more or less ignored my statement though.  He's a good man.

Day 4, [yesterday] I had a dentist appointment.  If you know me a little bit, you might know that I am not a fan of the dentist.  I blame it on my childhood visits to the dental college in Flint and that dentist downtown Flushing that was "so cheap compared to everyone else" (and also creepy.)

So more or less, not a fan.  I usually break into a sweat - I compare the dentist's chair to a tanning bad - they need to be disinfected between use due to all the sweat.  Gross, but accurate.

Back to the point.  I recently got into the habit of buying myself a reward after the dentist.  Something like a donut or a hazelnut misto from Starbuck's.  Just a little something to brighten my day after all that sweating and fist-clenching.  I whined to Brad that I wasn't going to be able to buy myself a treat after my cleaning because of 7.  He didn't say much to this either.  He's a good man.

His silence left some space for the Holy Spirit though.

I was humbled by what I learned through this.  Its almost embarrassing to share it here, because it is SO OBVIOUS.

It is a privilege to have dental insurance.  I should know this because we didn't have it when I was growing up (hence dental college visits).  My husband works hard and pays a bit out of his paycheck so I can go to the dentist.  There is such a huge number of people that would LOVE that opportunity... a quick google search just told me that there are 100 million AMERICANS that cannot afford dental insurance.  I imagine in some parts of the world it is almost incomprehensible that we pay someone to clean our teeth.  We recently watched a clip on 60 minutes about the Africa Mercy Ships and the tumors they remove because of over-grown enamel - something that doesn't occur here because a dentist would spot it and take care of it before it had a chance to grow. 

And I usually complain about it.  Like every day between when I get the post-card-reminder and when I go.  I get all pouty about it even.  Like a five year old.

Worse yet, I buy myself a TREAT afterwards.  Like a five year old.

And even worse, when I find myself in a commitment that doesn't allow for a treat - I whine about it to my husband.  As well as gripe about it internally all morning before my appointment.

The fact that I complain about a privilege is sickening.  I was comfortable complaining about it every time too.  I didn't just complain once on a bad day.  Nope, it was my habit to complain about this privilege every single time.  Could I be more like the Israelites?  (cue Chandler Bing voice)

Thankfully the Lord is full of mercy and grace.  I pray that this lesson sticks.  I do not want to be a complainer.  I don't want to find portions of my days where I give myself a "pass" to complain about _____________ (fill in the blank).  I want to be grateful.

If eating eggs, apples, green pepper, bread, beans + rice, milk & coffee for 12 days makes me a more grateful Christ-follower.  So be it.

I was led to these three verses this morning.  Each one brought encouragement in a different way.  I hope you find a bit of encouragement too.

My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  

Psalm 73:26

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.  

psalm 73:28

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.  

I Corinthians 15:57

P.S.  a few of the awesome ladies from the group are also blogging.  You can check them out by clicking their names:

Dion

Jaren

listening : best practices

As you may {or may not} know I am participating with an awesome group of ladies in an online book club.  36 ladies to be exact.  I need to map it out, because they are from all over.  Which is all kinds of awesome.

We are doing the book 7: an experimental mutiny against excess.

The book came out last year and the internets were abuzz.  I wanted to read it.  But you might remember this time last year was a bit overwhelming - you know, with the new toddler twins added to the mix.  Thankfully over time, the overwhelming has morphed into our new normal.  I had sort of forgotten a little about 7, but not really.  So when I asked the awesome ladies in my book club if we wanted to start a 2nd book, the first suggestion was 7.

So here we are.  7 is basically a look into all of your stuff.  Jen Hatmaker breaks it down into 7 categories to really spend time looking at the excess via fasting & reducing in those categories.  Jen spent 7 months, focusing on one category each month.

The premise is to reduce all of the 'things' that fill up your time/space/thoughts/etc and allow Jesus that room.  As Jen says in the introduction, "Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom."  Yes, please, amen.

The first two weeks we are doing the "food fast."  Each lady in our group can choose to apply the fast in the way that makes the most sense for her.  I am blown away by the way the Spirit has led each of us.  I don't think any of us will have matching fasts.  Which is a beautiful reminder of the way God leads us always.  None of us have matching paths.  None. Of. Us.  Thank you, Jesus.

I might write more about my food choices and all the shock I am experiencing over just how often I long for some sugar.  Oh my heavens.  I think I knew this about myself, but I didn't r-e-a-l-l-y know this about myself.  You know?  But on to the listening part...

I am so excited to be clearing away some clutter so I can listen better to the Spirit.

Really listen.

The funny thing is, that I have been trying to predict the Spirit.

It actually reminds me a bit of Grandma Rose.  You must know I adore her.  She has been up in all my business for as long as I can remember.  Of course, this was super annoying when I was a teenager, but grows more endearing the older I get.  She even let my pregnant self + my potty-training-two-year-old move in with her while Brad was in basic and AIT.  {She earned so many jewels in her crown over those 8 months.}  Unfortunately for Grandma, her hearing is horrible.   She actually has complete hearing loss in one ear because of  a virus, and I think the hearing loss in her "good ear" would be labeled profound.   It complicates our long-distance relationship because we are left only being able to talk over the phone, which is difficult at best.  I would never call her during nap time because my shouting would surely wake the boys.  Sometimes I have to spell words out... and then add the "F as in Frank, I as in igloo, G as in george".  Usually it's only a few parts of the conversation that end up needing spelling + shouting to reach a place of understanding.  You know what parts?  The parts when Grandma tries to predict what I am telling her.  It gets hard straining to listen, so she tries to guess what I am saying.  Her mind starts processing what she has guessed and before you know it we are in two different places.  Its frustrating sometimes.  For both of us probably.  Our best conversations are face-to-face.  It has been a gift to get to stay at her house when we travel to the great north.  We take a few moments to sit and drink {decaf. instant} coffee and eat some of her cookies and just chat.  There are rarely misunderstandings in our face-to-face chats.  Usually there is a time or two that I have to tell her something that I don't want to the whole house to hear {think Christmas Eve}, so I have to lean in close to her good ear.  She almost always reaches a hand up to my face to pull me close - she adores a whispered word - if we're standing she'll even put an arm around me.  She doesn't want to miss it.

This is where I find myself at the beginning of 7.  Trying to predict the words the Spirit wants to tell me, jumping to conclusions as I begin processing what He *might* be saying. Maybe I get tired straining to listen, so I just guess?  Maybe I am in a rush?  All I know is that my guessing leads me away from where He is leading.  I don't want to do that.  I want to be still.  I want to sit down and soak it in. I want a face to face conversation.  Often.  I want to pull Him close so I don't miss a word.

Our Pastor said yesterday, "the key to your life is how well you listen," the bottom line is to "ACT on what you HEAR."  I needed those reminders.

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, 

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, 

and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 

and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, 

then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. 

For the Lord gives wisdom, 

and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.  

Proverbs 2:1-6