multiply your spending power

In my National Adoption Month post, I promised to make a list of places you can shop + see your purchase multiplied as it benefits children in crisis.  Christmas feels like a great time to spread some of that purchase power around.  I know its not always practical to purchase items like this for people on your list, so don't really consider this as a gift-buying guide, although it would be nice if it works out that way for you!

I feel like I might first need to let you know something important.  There are a lot of children in orphanages with living parents. They are called 'poverty orphans' by some.  The children are placed in an orphanage because the birth mother/family feel like they cannot provide for their basic needs.  The parent(s) believe the child has a better chance to survive in an orphanage rather than in their arms. This is unimaginable for a North American birth mother, I know, but before you throw your rocks - open up your heart. These parents make an excruciatingly difficult decision because they feel like there is no other option. By spending your money differently, you can help provide some options.

I am passionate about this and over the course of a few years we have slowly been making changes in our purchase patterns.  We are still slowly making changes, even if you just choose to buy one thing from an alternate source this year, it matters.   Most of the time, these items cost a bit more than if you just picked something up at Wal-mart -- which is why it has been a long, slow process for us to make changes.  However, an added benefit of shopping with intention is that you whittle away some of that constant feeling of not having enough.  When you carefully shop and select products that benefit someone's entire family, it reminds you of how much you truly have. Honestly, even those of us on tight budgets have fairly fat closets compared to most of the world.

For us, it started with coffee.  I have written about it here before, so I won't go in to too much detail.  We drink coffee every single day, so we felt it was important to know that the people that grow our coffee are given a fair wage. When farmers receive a fair wage, they are able to provide for their families safely and with dignity.  This is a small change that makes a big difference. {and I am certain the coffee is better!}  Currently, we buy our coffee from Land of a Thousand Hills Coffee Co which provides life-changing work for communities in Rwanda.  That is a pretty big benefit just from switching coffees!

Land of a Thousand Hills slogan sticker

From there, it moved to accessories.  There are so many options for purchasing accessories.  I have a few scarves from fashionABLE and I love them.  Of course, they cost more than a scarf you'll find at Wal-Mart or Target, but they come with a handwritten note from the woman that made them.  I am OK with having fewer scarf options, knowing that the scarves I wear have made a big difference in the life of someone else.  It is the same with jewelry and handbags. I have a bag from Freeset and a bag from JOYN, they are well-made and I get compliments on them.  They aren't cheap, but the money I spent on them helps a mother provide for her family or helps a victim regain dignity through work.  That matters.  I have jewelry from 147Million Orphans, Bead For Life, and the ApParent Project.  All of it has been worn for years and I always get compliments on it. Always. It is unique and often one-of-a-kind.  It reminds me every time I wear it that my small choice can make a big difference. 

cuff bracelet from 147 million orphans

One of my favorite make-a-difference-purchases has been my Sseko sandals.  I really adore this company and their passion for empowering women in Uganda.  Every graduate from their classes has gone on to university.  That is huge in their country.  Once when I posted a link for Sseko Tie Sandals on FB someone commented that they were "pricey."  And I get it, I do.  They are the most expensive sandals I have ever bought myself - {a clue to our budget}.  They are so worth it, though.  I have had them for two years and they show no signs of falling apart.  Plus I can purchase new ribbons and accessories quite inexpensively.  They are the absolute best shoe to pack on trips {in the summer!}  They are comfortable enough to wear all day and can be styled to wear to a wedding or a day at the park.

ssekos in the family pic!

Recently, I signed up for a monthly box from Fair Trade Friday - a perk of ditching my iPhone and its expensive contract!  You can also purchase one-time boxes which I think would make awesome gifts!  100% of the proceeds from each box goes to the empowerment of impoverished women as an avenue to introduce them to the Gospel. Pretty great return on investment there!  Everything in the boxes comes with a tag stating where it was made, and often has the artisan's name on it.  Also the items are packaged in such a way that they could easily be re-gifted.  Win, win!

see all the awesome in one box??

Unfortunately, I am not super smart with tech stuff, so I only know how to add links through words.  Someday I might learn how to embed them right into the post, but for now, I thought a link to my pinterest board with all of the above websites (as well as a few others) would be the easiest way to allow you to browse around.  You can click on it, and it will take you right to it.   If you ever have any questions whatsoever, please do not hesitate to ask!     Follow Amanda's board shop with a purpose on Pinterest.
 

National Adoption Month

National Adoption Month.

By now, surely you know this is a thing.  Right?

Remember I wrote it about it here?  And reposted it last year.

I wanted to refresh the post a bit today.  There is a big push this year to #FlipTheScript for National Adoption Month.  In some ways, I get it; but in other ways I just want to get people to know there is a script at all.  I am desperate for folks to know there are ways to be involved in the arena of adoption and orphan care without ever adopting.  My agenda will never ever involve convincing someone to adopt.  Never ever.  {And I know they say never say never and songs have been written about it but still, I think its safe to say that is not my job.}  [I found this article yesterday after writing this part of the post.  I think it is lovely.  Warning, there are some curse words so if that will turn you off to the whole thing do not click through.  It is honest and true and touches on the variables of adoption and the discussions around it so very well. Click here to read it.]

So I'll start with this. . . Technically, National Adoption Month began as a campaign to recruit folks to adopt via foster care, I think.  However, it has become a much bigger conversation starter. There is so much more to orphan care than just adoption.  Obviously adoption is an important part of it, but adoption alone leaves gaping holes in the lives of vulnerable children.  And every adoption story begins with great loss, and that great loss can be carried for a lifetime. Keep that in mind always.

So what can you do?  Here are some ideas:

1.  Pray for an adoptive family/foster family.  Do you have friends that are adopting?  Do you know someone that is waiting?  Pray for them.  Often.   Pray that their hearts would be encouraged as their soon-to-be child(ren) wait.  Pray for hope in the heart of that waiting child.  Maybe take it a step further and send them a note telling them you are praying?

2.  Encourage an adoptive family/foster family.  This could work either pre- or post-adoption.  Send a gift card for dinner out.  Celebrate with them! Throw a shower! One friend handed me a wordless book at PWOC one week for "our child," this was months before we got 'the call.'  This simple gesture reminded me that I wasn't waiting alone. 

3.  Pray for a waiting child.  This will require bravery.  Look at your state's photolisting.  Find a child with whatever parameters you choose and pray hard.  The children listed here are legally-free for adoption which means the parental rights of their birth parents have been terminated.  You can find the listing by clicking here.  Pray for the just-right family to open their home to him/her.

4.  Support family preservation by sponsoring a child.  This is critical.  We can change things dramatically by starting here.  There are many places that do this well.  We sponsor through Compassion International.  They are just one of many that do this effectively within the local communities via local leaders. Sponsoring a child allows that child and his family to have basic needs met.  This alleviates some of the tension these families face which then allows the children to get an education. An education opens doors that wouldn't normally be opened for these children. Sponsorship is a long-term commitment with long-range outcomes. Research an organization to ensure you want to partner with them for the long haul.

5. Pray for foster care programs that are starting in other countries.  Yes, our foster care system needs work, but when done well it serves a good purpose.  Some parts of the world are just starting to build foster care programs.  Pray earnestly for them. I have friends on the ground in Guatemala that are ministering alongside a foster care start up.  You can click here to learn more about it.

6. Help your local foster care office.  We had an 'in' with our local office so I was able to find out quickly how we could help.  Their immediate need was getting that emergency clothing closet up and running.  Other offices may have other needs.  I surely appreciate every single thing that has been sent to us for our local office.  But if you have been itching to do something local - now is the the time. If nobody calls you back (because they might not, they are busy folks) then you march down there with a Wal-mart gift card and a few backpacks or warm hats or something.  Attach a note that says you want to help support their office, tell them you bought the gift card so the caseworkers could get things for children that come into care.  Ask them to contact you about how else you can help. Also, maybe mention that you appreciate their hard work on behalf of children.  They will call you back or email you shortly.

7. Read. I still highly recommend Orphan Justice and Adopted for Life as good starting points.

8. Shop Smarter. This is huge.  The dollars we spend at this time of year can potentially multiply if we spend wisely.  I am going to make a list of places to shop in the next day or two.  I will link to it from here when I finish.  Promise.  Here it is! Click here.

Thanks for reading this far, I know it is a lot of information.  And really just the very tip of the iceberg.  Adoption has forever changed me, but not because it is a real-life fairy tale.  My faith has been stretched in the waiting and in the loving and in the day-to-day.  My heart has been softened to the struggles of children that carry so much weight on their shoulders.  My perspective has changed about our government agencies that have been tasked to play the role of 'guardian' for children.  I am burdened for the Church to know the many ways they can support children in crisis and then to act.

If you aren't sure about how you can get involved, feel free to ask.  I would love to chat with you more about it.  The need is great, the opportunities are vast, and our God is able.

the things we carry

I posted this picture yesterday; with the little story about the elderly man that gave me the crosses.  He quietly approached our family at Subway and gestured to Linc and Frank and asked, "are these your boys?"  After nodding yes, he quickly asked if they were adopted, another nod yes, and with a bit of relief he told us that he was an adoptive father too.  Before leaving, he pulled these little crosses from his pocket for the boys, and told us that the wood was from Isreal (I think, I keep forgetting to fact-check this with Brad).

This will be added to the stories I carry with me.  

It got me thinking of another story that I've been carrying around with me.  I think its time to share it with y'all.  I don't think I ever told you about this unexpectedly difficult event while we were transitioning from a family of four to a family of six.

We were in the middle of the back-and-forth days.  I'd pick Lincoln & Franklin up from the foster parents' house after I dropped the bigs at school.  We'd spend the day at home practicing meals, and naps, and playing in the living room.  After dinner, we'd pack up and drive across town to take the boys back to the foster parents' house.  These were long, hard, exhausting days. 

Caught in the middle, with no clue how long it might last.

On one of these long days, I got a text from the foster momma to call our caseworker.  Great.

Our caseworker was hoping we could "stop by" and be on a panel for one of the foster-parent-training classes.  That night.  Super.

We were less than thrilled that we had been chosen to take this show on the road; we'd been in those classes, and we didn't feel like we were in a position to really offer anything.  We were still in a place where Lincoln and Franklin weren't always thrilled with us being the ones to offer comfort.  The idea of putting the transition on display for a bunch of hopeful future foster/adoptive parents made me a bit of a wreck.  But we were also caught in the middle, and didn't want to be contrary in any way that could possibly make this process take longer.

{Now that I am out of the middle, I don't really think saying "no" would've had an adverse impact on the process, but the thing is, when you are in the middle it feels like it all weighs heavy.}

After dinner, we did our best to make ourselves presentable.  Surely I put my crazy-end-of-the-day hair in a pony tail.  We wiped off four faces and combed hair quickly.  We made sure we had some of those Gerber fruit puffs in the diaper bag and agreed to let Wilson and Walker bring whatever gaming device they wanted.  Although, I do remember suggesting Wilson bring a book to read.  

Because, really, wouldn't that look better while we were on the panel?

On our way there we had to wait on a train crossing the street.  And then reversing back across the street.  And then pulling forward again.  I sent some texts to our caseworker to let her know we were going to be late.  She tried to suggest an alternate route, but we were not familiar with any of the other roads to get to the DFCS office.  I broke into a bit of a sweat.  I did not want to be a sweaty mess when we got there - which I think made me sweat all the more.

We finally made it and  walked in to a full room; 30-40ish people maybe.  Our seats were right up front facing the class.  I suggested Wilson and Walker sit off to the side where some chairs lined the wall - thinking if we could reduce the number in our show, then the presentation might be more polished.  Of course, some "do-gooder" quickly got up and dragged two more chairs right up front next to ours.  Thanks, man.

The caseworker introduced the entire panel.  Our family, an investigator, another caseworker, someone I don't remember, and...

...a boy that wanted a family.  

Oh my heart.

His parents' rights had been terminated, he had no family members to go to. 

Y'all.  I could not look down the line at him.  I think he was 11 or so.

At this moment, I was grateful that I had been so self-absorbed when we walked in that I didn't notice him sitting there. 

I could barely handle it.  

The caseworker graciously started with us so we could leave immediately following the question time.  The thing is, I don't remember the questions we were asked.  

All I can remember is that there was a little boy sitting on a panel in front of a room full of adults because he wanted a family.  I remember that I wondered about who was sitting with him, was someone holding his hand?  I think I tried to inaudibly whisper to Brad that I could not look down there.  

We weren't there long, the babies were fussing, it was late, and it was a school night.  When we got back to the van I was once again absorbed with the daily tasks during this middle place of transitioning.

But I carry this story with me.  It comes to mind more often than I can say.  The memory of the brave boy on the panel.  He is a reminder of so many others just like him that are waiting.  For a family to call their own.

Right now, I don't know what else I can do but share his story.  And pray.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."  Psalm 68:5-6

a little part of something big

You know we sponsor a child through Compassion International, right?

I really think its some of the best money we spend monthly.  We got a letter from Junior this week.  Its the first one we've gotten from him since he has seen the twins (we wanted to wait until it was officially official and finally final before we tried to explain it all to him.)  We sent him a picture sometime after Christmas and told him the story of our newest family members.  In his letter he said, "I love the twins.  They look alike!"  I'm just giddy over it.  We all get a kick out of his notes to us.  We wrote him back this week.  Below is a picture of what Wilson and Walker wrote to him.  Walker wrote a verse on the cut out of his hand, and Wilson chose a proverb to write and illustrate.  They did this on their own with just a nudge of encouragement.  ;)

One of my favorite things about sponsoring through Compassion is their transparency.  They recently participated in an independent study on child sponsorship programs and the results are incredible.  You can read more about it here.... an especially good read if you are skeptical about the benefit of sponsorship programs.

They also do Compassion Blogger trips which allow bloggers to come visit development centers and share their experiences.  There is a blogger trip ongoing in Nicaragua right now.  I cannot read a post about someone meeting their sponsored child and not cry.  Every. Single. Time.  I do sincerely hope that we will one day meet Junior.  God knows this.

You can read the bloggers posts here. Compassion Bloggers featured posts.

And I strongly, strongly, strongly encourage you to read this one today. "I've seen Best Again."  I think it really captures the beauty of sponsorship and the gift it gives to families across the world.

 You wanna be a little part of something big?  Click below to find out more!

satisfied

I'm still whirling around a bit as I "unpack" from Summit 9. As I look back over my notes & hand-outs, I am flooded over with such a sense of satisfaction. The kind you get from eating just-the-right amount of your very-most-favorite foods - not the satisfaction from seeing a car get pulled-over that recently sped past you on the highway. Filled-up, content, satisfaction. That.

I should back up a little though. There might be a couple of you that aren't really sure what Summit 9 is or why we went.

The Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) was started to bring a sense of unity to the adoption/orphan care world - rather than a bunch of churches/organizations doing their own thing their own way, there was a desire to come together toward the common goal.

"The Christian Alliance for Orphans unites more than 100 respected Christian organizations and a national network of churches.  Working together, our joint initiatives inspire, equip and connect Christians to reflect God’s heart in caring for orphans in adoption, foster care and global orphan care initiatives." [from CAFO homepage]

They decided to "leave logos and egos at the door." The first Summit had 39 people in attendance. This year there were over 2500!

You might remember that I wasn't sure if we were the right fit for Summit 9. After all, our church doesn't have an orphan care ministry and we don't work for any orphan care organizations either. Aaand we didn't win a free registration.

But God. He always leads well when you are listening, and we were and He did. Brad and I had a sense that we should go, and we had an honest-to-goodness offer from Barbie to watch all four boys for us. We started looking at breakout sessions and considering which might be most beneficial. We were leaning toward the sessions that helped with starting an orphan care ministry within your church. We weren't sent by our church. We hadn't even discussed it church leadership. It just made sense to us even if it didn't really make sense at all.

You see, through our own adoption journey we learned a lot about the foster care system. While feeling like we were "fighting the system" to get to finalization; the reality is that "the system" is understaffed and overwhelmed. There aren't enough caseworkers for all of the cases and their are never enough foster parent homes. Not only are caseworkers carrying more cases than is desirable - the cases are rarely clear cut and often heavy. Add to that heavy, complicated caseload the pressure to find a local foster home when there are none. This, to us, is a place where the Church can step in and love well. And the time is now.  It will likely be messy.

As you know, we've already collected over 40 bags for our local foster care office's supply closet. The caseworkers can grab a bag for each child that comes in to care and get rid of their trash bags. You know, it's the caseworkers that hate to see children carrying belongings in trash bags? They requested bags for their children. We've also collected more outfits than I can count so there are items for kiddos to wear if they need something when they come in to care. A caseworker won't have to run out to Wal-mart hoping to find a suitable outfit for a child in the midst of crisis. A couple posts on Facebook and these needs are fulfilled. I can only imagine what could happen if our churches were organized to help in this way.

After going to Summit 9, I don't have to imagine as much.   We got a glorious glimpse into all the ways God is working in the adoption/orphan care movement.  It was refreshing just to see the number of people, churches, organizations gathered around this central focus. 

I will probably blog a bit more about some of the individual highlights we experienced.  For now, just know we were reassured over and over again that we were right where we were supposed to be.

Summit 9 - day one

[The following post was written the first night of Summit 9 in our hotel room.  The wifi in our room was sketchy at best, so I am just now posting this tonight. In its original state.]

Oh my word.

I cannot even begin to process all that I have taken in. I'm the-best-kind-of-worn-out tonight, and thrilled that we get to go do it all over again tomorrow. It is encouraging to hear stories of where God is at work and how the church is jumping in to join His work. My heart is full.

The last session ended with Steven Curtis Chapman encouraging and challenging the audience about This Story we are all a part of. One song called, "When Love Takes You In," had a video with adoptive families and gotcha day clips. As I watched and listened, I remembered.



I remembered that nervous drive across town to their foster home. I remembered how nervous I was to walk up that sidewalk, how my throat felt thick and my heart pounded fast after Brad knocked - and we heard squeals from the other side of that door. My heart - and our family - has never been the same.

When the door opened, we saw those faces. Quite honestly, they looked at us with a little fear and a lot of uncertainty. Brad and I got low on the floor and picked up baby toys, hoping to create some interest. There was no magic, the twins didn't suddenly clamor over one another to get to us, but it was glorious. Their foster momma just rambled on about everything and nothing and we drank it all in. I don't think I've ever been more aware of God's glory in a room than in those moments.

I can close my eyes and I'm there all over again.

And I still can't believe that God chose our family to receive such lavish blessing. How deep the Father's love for us!

I hope to be able to form thoughtful sentences about the information we are gathering here and be able to share it with you soon. For now I'm just reflecting on His goodness.

orphan justice

you might remember me mentioning the book Orphan Justice : How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting in this post?

I finally finished reading it and I wanted to encourage YOU to read it.

It is just that good.

I struggle to find the right way to encourage you to read it, because I am desperate for you to read it.

If I'm being honest, I used to think adoption was for people that:

• a) had infertility issues, 
• b) were specially gifted to manage the task of parenting a child from a hard place, or 
• c) were wealthy and could drop $40,000 on the expenses easily.  

That was it.  Neither a, b, or c applied  to me and I didn't relate to the people that they did apply to.  When it came to "orphan care" I thought it was limited to adoption or nothing.  Now that I am an adoptive parent, I can see clearly how skewed my generalization of adoption was.  I wonder if there aren't a few others out there like me.

One of the great things about Orphan Justice is that Johnny Carr starts out with a humble acknowledgement that he is writing from a place of brokenness and not accusation.  He states,

My desire is to share with you what the Lord has taught me, starting with this truth: We can't say we love orphans while failing to address the social ills that directly affect their lives.

Carr breaks down orphan care into ten chapters - each one highlighting a specific area that impacts the orphan population.  It starts with True Religion: Orphans and my Family and ends with This is War: Orphans and Spiritual Warfare.  He weaves his own personal story throughout each chapter in a disarming and incredibly relate-able way.

Each chapter ends with a section called "What You Can Do."  Carr breaks down various action steps to get involved with orphan care.  He writes the action steps in a way that allows ANYONE to participate and then narrows it down to something MANY can do and ends with some action steps that A FEW can do.  By breaking it down this way, each reader has an opportunity to find an action step that they can take right now.  This, to me, is genius.

I told you before that this book totally lit Brad's heart on fire.  He emailed our former caseworker almost immediately to see how we could help.  Friends have jumped on board to give clothing, bags, finances to help fill the supply room for our local foster care office.  I feel like I have barely asked for people to give.  The donations just. keep. coming.  Its amazing.

This response tells me that Christians want to help and God is moving.   There are open hearts that are eager to be a part of orphan care, ready to participate when needs are known.  This book helps make those needs known in an encouraging and tangible way.

If you end up reading please, please, please tell me what you think.  

Also, there are a lot of other resources to go along with the book here.

Summit 9

If you are friends with my devastatingly handsome husband on Facebook (or follow him on twitter) then you have surely noticed a number of recent posts regarding orphan care.

A fire has been lit in his soul unlike any other time I can remember in our 11.5 years of marriage.  It has been glorious to watch.  Although, if I am honest I waver a little between wanting-to-fan-that-flame and freaking-out-a-little-bit-about-where-this-will-take-us.

I will say this, when God lights a fire - the brilliance is amazing.  There is a radiant confidence in Brad that is contagious.  Call him and ask him about it.  You won't be able to help but smile.  So even though my steps feel a little wavering, his confidence in God's leading helps steady me.  I am so grateful to be able to walk alongside him in this adventure of our life.  And my prayer life is growing by leaps and bounds. 

If you aren't on Facebook and you think twitter is annoying, then I should probably fill you in a bit.  Obviously you know our boys came this way through adoption from foster care.  We are certain God arranged the whole thing from start to finish.  In the glorious way that only our Creative God can, He softened our hearts to the greater need.  Every set back in our journey, reminded me that there are SO MANY MORE children that are stuck in the tangled-up-mess of foster care... and then I was reminded that our foster care system is so great in comparison to what children outside of the US are dealing with.  It was never our journey alone.

My heart hurt for so many other children so many times.  But, then again, I cry at every episode of Biggest Loser, so I had no idea that God was actually planting seeds with those tears I cried for those children.  Those children that are orphans.  Its actually hard for me to use that word, because it seems so lonely.  So far off.

And there's that verse, that so-familiar, but often-rushed-over verse:

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."  

James 1:27

After wrestling through the ups and downs and in-betweens of bringing twin toddlers into our family, we have settled in to our new rhythm.  God's redemption work has been evident all the way around and continues to amaze us often.  We are even able to go on date night at church almost every chance we get.  There was a time last year that I really wondered if we'd ever get to go on dates regularly again.  In February, part of our date night led us to Lifeway (following an equally romantic spell in Bed Bath & Beyond).  Brad found a book called, "Orphan Justice : Caring for Orphans beyond Adopting".  He bought it.  He devoured it.

I think its safe to say our adoption journey was the kindling, this book was the flint, and the Holy Spirit doused the whole thing with lighter fluid.  Repeatedly.

So the very next date night we sat dreaming in Panera Bread for a few hours.  Short term goals.  Long term goals.  Crazy-only-God dreams. It was glorious.  I am sure a few people around us were wondering what-on-earth-was-up with us and all-the-smiling. 

So now we need to start.  We have already, in some little ways.  We are organizing some donations for our local foster care office (you will hear more about that, promise). Brad met with our Bible study leader a few weeks ago and he will be teaching our Bible Study class the week after Easter.

We feel way over our heads in so many ways - which is really, truly the best way to begin a journey that God is leading - even if it is a little freaky.  God-freaky is always awesome.

We are getting acquainted with Orphan Care resources and reading, reading, reading all that we can.  We recently found out about Summit 9 which is a conference that covers all the bases when it comes to orphan care.  We've thought about trying to get there even though it is kind of short notice to plan for the childcare.  I don't know about Brad, but I have wondered if we are even the right demographic... we aren't part of any organizations as of yet, and we don't even have an orphan care ministry at our church yet. Then Brad sent me a link about a Summit Blogger Conference, and I realized that maybe we do need to get there.  I can imagine that walking into a conference center with a lot of like-minded believers would do wonders on the flame-fanning and would likely help secure a foundation to help sustain those fanned-flames.  So I am writing this post as part of the Summit 9 Blogger Giveaway. Check out all the details at www.summit9.org.



Even if we don't win, I think its fair to say we are in the praying-about-making-this-happen-stage.

So that leaves me with a question for you:: if we get to go, who wants to come watch 4 really adorable, amazing boys and that one giant dog of ours?

If you have more questions about orphan care stuff; y'all, bring it!!  We could chat this stuff up all day... and then we'll stop talking and get boots on the ground.  You want in?

the same, but different

This Christmas.

Things are different this year {IN SO MANY WAYS}. And yet, somehow the same.

Our family has grown by two!  After such a long, long wait. 

Last November, I thought our child(ren) would be home by Christmas.  I just believed they would be home.  Our caseworker had told me about a sibling set and I had even spoken to their foster parents.  I hadn't seen their faces.  {Thank you Jesus}. And as the days turned into weeks and November dwindled with not so much as a phone call, December began to feel heavy.  I had also hoped for a very special baby to be able to come home from the NICU by Christmas.  God knew these deep wishes in my heart, even if I wasn't that comfortable admitting just how desperately I wished for them.  He knew.  And as that first week of December dragged by, I spent more and more time in prayer - or really in quiet brokenness, because I didn't know what to pray.  And He met me there.  He always does. I can't put my finger on it, I don't have a beautiful image to give you, and I am not even certain it will make sense...but He gave me peace - the kind that goes beyond understanding.  And my heart knew my child(ren) were home... my heart had made a place for them, and God would fill in the details when the time came.  Our caseworker called around mid-December and told me that sibling set she had mentioned was in a different county now, but she was certain "2012 would be our year!"  Somehow her words were enough.  And that sweet baby wasn't yet able to come home for Christmas, but God told me He was faithful even in that.  While my heart was still heavy, it was also hopeful.  I left some Christmas decorations up longer than I normally would - a stubborn hope that our child(ren) would be coming any day.

January 11, we got the phone call that we had been matched with our boys.  And I felt like it was Christmas all over again.  Weeks later, sweet baby John Buckley was discharged from the NICU.

Oh what joy to wait on Him, the Giver of all good gifts!  This year had some bumps along the way, but there were many, many moments to celebrate as our family grew from 4 to 6.

As this Christmas approached, we considered not setting up our Christmas tree at all.  Our babies have one speed- GO!  They are healthy, active, inquisitive toddlers and we couldn't be happier about that.  We put out our nativity sets... the nicest one is a little further out of reach than it has been in the past.  We put out a tabletop tree in the kitchen and our little light-up Christmas village buildings too.  By December 1, though, we decided we should put up our tree too.  The big boys chose a few of their ornaments from their boxes to hang way-up-high, non-breakables only.  We bought a box of shatterproof bulbs to hang too.  Our garland covers the top 2/3 of the tree.  I put out the wonky tree skirt that I had made years ago.  A lot of the same, but still different.  It looked nearly perfect ;)  ...until the babies discovered they could drag that silly tree skirt all over the living room.  Or wear it like a cape.

Thankfully, Dayspring had chosen me to receive the No Greater Love Than Jesus- Reversible Tree Skirt from their Redeemed Christmas line.  I was a little over-the-top excited when it came.

It really is the perfect fit for our tree.  And nobody can wear it like a cape because it ties securely with two ties - which is two more ties than the tree skirt I had made years ago. 

 Its reversible which is all-kinds-of-fun.  I am especially fond of the side that says, "no greater love than Jesus."  I can't think of a better reminder for beneath the tree.

Most days Lincoln and Franklin spend some time lying under the tree while their big brothers are at school. And most of the days, if I am quiet and listen, I am reminded that God brought these gifts home to us at just the right time.  He redeems the waiting time.  He loves so deeply, so carefully, so intimately.  At Christmas, I am thankful for His love and overwhelmed by His good gifts. 

It's helpful to have it spelled out right there like that - because sometimes I forget how truly blessed I am, how deeply my Redeemer loves.

***Dayspring sent me the tree skirt for free (awesome, right?) but the opinions about it, are all my own.***

P.S. the tree skirt is on sale right now.  Big time.  Click here to check it out!

finally final!

Here is a little slideshow of our boys. It is mostly in chronological order. I had made another one, but for some reason it turned out all choppy & weird. Brad swooped in and saved the day by quickly transferring pictures to this version last night. {I had originally added captions with the babies' names on their photos. You'll have to just watch closely and look for the color-coding hints... generally Lincoln wears red and Franklin wears green. So if one of those colors is more dominate you can guess who is who. But SO many of our clothes for the boys have been given to us and therefore the color-coding isn't super consistent.}
 


The song is "Mine to Love" by Dave Barnes.

Thankful!

We have so very much to be thankful for this year. Including each person that added a feather to our Turkey this year (and we're thankful for those of you that didn't too - you know who you are!) 

We tried a couple variations of the picture, the sitting one didn't last long and turned out a smidge blurry, as you can see.  The standing pose above, well, the babies r-e-a-l-l-y wanted to get their hands on some of those crosses on the cross wall!

We had a great Thanksgiving celebration.  The babies were absolutely thrilled with the amount of food and the number of choices they were given.  Brad had to work in the morning, but thankfully he was home all afternoon.  We are truly blessed!

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 

 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

National Adoption Month

first meeting

Did you even know that the month of November is dedicated to adoption awareness?  I'm not sure I did until we started on this process. 

Oh, and fun fact :: I thought our child(ren) would be placed in our home during that first National Adoption Month after we finished our home study in 2010.  And get this - I thought the adoption would be finalized by the end of that same month.  It is almost laughable now {praise God} but I really believed it would be fast.  And easy.

Our experience with adoption has been neither fast nor easy.  But we have learned a whole lot.  Some things we've learned, if I'm being honest, I'd like to unlearn.  There are some hard truths out in the adoption world.  Things that unsettle, unhinge, and more or less just wreck a person.  And once you are wrecked, you can't be unwrecked.  But the glory of it is that God makes something beautiful in that messy space.  And that wreck in your heart becomes a humble place for obedience.  So, maybe I don't want to unlearn it after all.

second meeting

 "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing, but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."  Psalm 68:5-6



 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

"But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, so that mere earthly mortal  will never again strike terror." Psalm 10:14, 17-18

All that to say.  There are a few things I want to tell you in honor of National Adoption Month.  And its sort of hard to even know where to start.  Don't worry, this is not a post to try and convince you to adopt.  I'm pretty certain the Holy Spirit has got that covered.  Rather, its just a bit about how to be a part of adoption in general.  More than anything, I think, I want you to know that you have a role to play.  And its important.  Here's why:

1.  A lot of people don't know very much about adoption.  See the 2nd paragraph and you will know that I was once one of the ignorant ones.  I do not mean ignorant in the sense of idiotic so much as lacking-information.  Its not an insult, its an observation.  Folks just do not know things.  And they don't realize that they don't know...so they say things that lead you to an awkward place really quickly.  This can be a very isolating and frustrating experience for the adoptive family.  For example a nurse at the doctor's office recently launched into a tale of a baby with FAS and all of his issues after learning that the babies with us were our new sons.  Awkward. And not helpful.

2.  Adoption is expensive.  But so are children in general.  Somewhere along our journey after yet another well-meaning-encourager told me how great it was that we were adopting from foster care instead of "paying all that money to get a baby from somewhere else" it hit me.  Babies cost money.  Each one.  I haven't done the math, but I think if I added up the costs from when I was pregnant for all of my doctor's visits, prenatal vitamins, blood tests, labwork, ultrasounds, acupuncture, adjustments, maternity clothes (why not?), plus all the costs of labor + delivery... we'd be awfully close to the price of an agency-assisted adoption.  {And maybe beyond that price with my induction + epidural with Walker.}  And while we aren't really paying anything out-of-pocket for our adoption, the State is paying. There is still a cost.  And I am certain that there is not a price you could tell us today that we would say, "No way, these babies are not worth that much!"  Every child is worth it. 

3.  Adoption is a battlefield.  I feel like we have had to fight {hard + often} along the way.  I know other adoptive families that have done the same.  I have had people in church pull me aside and whisper "why are you adopting?", and I've felt judgement when I expected joy.  Somehow, the horror stories in adoption are the stories that Christians retell most often.  I don't know why, but I have a theory.  I think Satan hates adoption.  Russell Moore wrote an excellent book called, "Adopted for Life" and in it he writes, "The gospel of Jesus Christ means our families and churches ought to be at the forefront of the adoption of orphans close to home and around the world.  As we become more attuned to the gospel, we'll have more of a burden for orphans.  As we become more adoption-friendly, we'll be better able to understand the gospel."  Moore does clarify that he doesn't believe Christians should adopt out of some sort of obligation like donating to the building fund.  And to be clear, we do not believe that either.

So you might be wondering what role you have to play in all of this. 


In a nutshell : Learn, pray, give. 


Learn more about adoption, might I suggest you read "Adopted for Life" as a starting point?  This was the first book I read after we felt certain we should adopt.  Rather than convince us of anything, it confirmed what we already knew - and put it into words that helped us understand better how God was leading us through His story.  I think reading it would help anyone have a better understanding of adoption as it relates to Jesus...both as the act of adopting a child and the process of becoming an adopted Child of God. Having more knowledge about adoption will allow you to be a support for those families that are adopting, and help avoid awkward conversations!   [Click here for purchasing information!]

One of the absolute best things we did in our journey is ask others to pray.  I have a chicken-scratch-list of emails on a notecard near our computer and I emailed this group of ladies regularly about how the process was moving along (or not moving along).  These ladies encouraged me in my worn-out-weary-state more often than I can say.  Their well-timed words were soothing, encouraging, and strengthening.  They are forever a part of our family's adoption story.   They continue to be a vital part of this process.   So if you know someone that is considering adoption or is in the process of adopting... volunteer to pray with them.  And then do it.  Often.  This will help in the battlefield of adoption more than you or I can know.

And one more practical thing you can do?  Give.  If you know a family that is adopting there is a good chance that they are needing to raise funds.  Not always, but often. So ask what they need.  And give.  Maybe you can trade services or goods, or host a yard sale.  You might be able to offer something that will translate into funds for them, even if you can't hand over cash.  Whatever you can give will help with the expense of adoption.

And if we happen to be the only family that you know personally that is in the middle of this adoption journey, well, I have a suggestion. ;)

I am guessing that if you have read this far than you r-e-a-l-l-y love our family.  And there is a good chance that you would have given as much as you could if we had needed you to.  But God provided for our adoption in another way.  So today I'd like you to consider if you might like to make a donation in Lincoln and Franklin's honor to help bring home some baby girls from India.  My friend, Aimee, and her husband and two boys are adopting two sweet girls from India.  God has brought in an astonishing $37,000 toward their adoption and they are in the final push for the remaining $10,000.  I assure you, every little bit helps.   I will send you an email with further details about donating to their adoption.  Leave a comment or email me if you would like this information.

long awaited and somehow unexpected

Only God.  He gives us a dream, a hope, a heart-desire.  And this broken-down-world seems slow, and procedures seem pointless.  But He promises.  And we wait.  With expectation.  And He gives confidence to the expectant heart.  So we wait with hope.  Psalm 33:20 - We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.

This journey to our boys has been long.  And its been hard.  Our blog has been quiet through most of this process, and I regret today that you might not know all the twists and turns and heartaches and setbacks that have been intermingled with the laughter and joy and belly laughs and messy hands.  I pray that your not-knowing will not diminish the BIGNESS of what our God has done. Psalm 40:5 - Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

We met these sweet boys nine months ago.  {Yes, nine months.} And this week, the state of GA released them to us for the purpose of adoption.  We signed all the necessary paperwork and now we wait to go to court.  (At that paperwork-signing-meeting we found out that the State is waiving the six-month-post-placement period because they have been in our home for so long.  Oh and we found out that the State will pay for the adoption costs and that the babies qualify for federal adoption assistance.)

And in the middle of all this good news, can you guess the thing that has just totally blown me away this week?  Is that I didn't know THIS WAS THE WEEK.  I've longed for it, begged for it, believed it was coming - and yet somehow our God can still surprise an expectant heart.  And in doing so, He has reminded me of the greatest story - of the long-awaited Messiah and the surprising way He came.  And isn't it like God to remind us that our story is always a part of a bigger Story?  Always.

And I can't help but think of Mary's song to God upon hearing her good news -  Luke 1:46-55

“With all my heart I glorify the Lord! In the depths of who I am I rejoice in God my savior.  He has looked with favor on the low status of his servant. Look! From now on, everyone will consider me highly favored because the mighty one has done great things for me. Holy is his name. He shows mercy to everyone, from one generation to the next, who honors him as God. He has shown strength with his arm. He has scattered those with arrogant thoughts and proud inclinations. He has pulled the powerful down from their thrones and lifted up the lowly. He has filled the hungry with good things and sent the rich away empty-handed. He has come to the aid of his servant Israel remembering his mercy, just as he promised to our ancestors, to Abraham and to Abraham’s descendants forever.”

And isn't this the sweetest treasure that God has blessed us with this Truth for Lincoln & Franklin's story too?  I feel small, and humbled, and amazed, and grateful.  Psalm 8:3-4 - When I look up at your skies; at what your fingers made- the moon and the stars that you set firmly in place- what are human beings that you think about them; what are human beings that you pay attention to them?
                            

**All photographs are courtesy of Lasting Frame Photography, or as the boys call her "Aunt Emily"  

...and for the sake of helping you determine "who is who" this picture helps with that a bit.  Lincoln M. Lutz has the blue shorts on, his face is a little fuller; we generally describe his face as a round oval.  Franklin T. Lutz has the darker shorts on, his eyes are a bit more round, at times his face looks thinner, at other times just as round.   God has also blessed them with distinguished birthmarks for easy recognition if you're in a pinch.  Franklin's is on his shoulder and Lincoln's is on his thigh. ;)  And they have very distinct personalities. ;)

the turning

This summer has been a tough one.  I've wrestled with putting pen to paper and listing out every hard thing - from the little to the big. I wondered if I saw just how many "various trials" there were that somehow I could find balance in the heaviness I still carry.

But I don't think that is the answer.  Seeing it all in black and white.

No, I want to see it through the lens of His grace.  The grace that carries, chases, and holds close.  The grace that says you don't have to try-hard or strive more or dig deeper.  The grace that says let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.

Yes, I want to remember the summer of 2012 as a milestone of God's amazing grace in my life.

I re-read Grace for the Good Girl slow with some awesome women {good girls, really}.  I am reading Grace-Based Parenting.  And its grace upon grace upon grace in my life.  As the big boys start school and challenges continue to pile up - with a quick trip to MI, and an important long-awaited-court-decision pushed back two weeks, and a potential "permanent profile" for Brad.

I sense that the hardness of the summer is lingering.  And its still heavy.  I plead to let peace rule.  As often as it takes.  Behind the steering wheel, in the shower through tears, after disappointments resurface.  And His grace finds me.

There have been a handful of out-of-the-blue-THIS-is-THE-life-moments in my life.  Times when it almost feels like a picture was taken and a caption was written "You are exactly where you are supposed to be right this very moment."  

I'm not talking about a wedding day, or a baby's birth, or a redeployment ceremony, or even that sweet moment when your grandparents meet their great-grandchild.  No, I'm not referring to the obvious "I ADORE THIS WONDERFUL LIFE" moments ... I have so many of those.  And they are certainly part of my stored up treasures that I revisit during hard times.

However, every once in awhile when everything isn't right, when there hasn't been a conclusion, when relationships still hang tense...Grace finds me and gives me that out-of-the-blue-THIS-is-THE-life-moment anyway.  I have a pretty crappy memory, but these moments I can recall perfectly.  I remember that moment driving down the mountain from Julian to Oceanside with my window down, and jammed onto a smelly bus with my knees alternated between Gambian knees, and after driving through the gate between open fields and Wilson's school while Brad was deployed - these vivid, etched-in-my-brain moments of God whispering, "Child you are exactly where I want you to be right this very moment - and I know its hard even still, but believe me I am with you."

This weekend as 5 out of 6 of us battle a cold and we head into Brad's crazy week... God gave me that moment.  I'll add it to my treasury.

It was late Saturday - late for us is after 10pm these days.  All of our boys were in bed.  Brad was prepping the coffee for Sunday morning.  I walked up the stairs, and turned the corner just past the loud creak, and I paused - deciding whether or not to hide and scare Brad when he came up the stairs {because we are very mature around here}.

And Grace found me.  And peace rushed over me.  And I knew in that moment that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.  As I stood in the glow of the nightlight, I breathed that deep breath of joy. And smiled wide  And decided not to scare Brad this time.

I turned the corner.  Peace rules.  Grace wins.  Always.

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful."  

Colossians 3:15

This post "When you are finding it hard to keep up {Chased by Grace}" by Ann Voskamp speaks of this Grace in a much more beautiful way than I ever could.

eighteen months

Today is your half-birthday. We aren't really half-birthday-celebrators. But, we are still making up a little bit for those days before you were home. So momma dressed you in your cutie-rompers-that-are-almost-too-small and drew on the sidewalk with chalk. Because I am marking this day in my memory bank, babies!

Neither of you are really all that impressed with photo-shoots. You were interested in the chalk a bit. And while a photo of both of you looking at the camera at the same time was a little too much, I did manage a couple of cute shots of both of you together.

And a couple cute shots of each of you on your own.  

You are such a cheeser when you want to be, sweet boy!  You are ready for whatever the day brings you, as long as there are snacks and some outside-play-time.

I can barely take your adorableness at times.  Yes, I am your momma, and adorableness is totally an acceptable way to describe you.

And you, little man, with your fake-surprise-face.  Oh, let me always remember it.

You would really rather be on the go than sitting still.  And I get that.  You are healthy, and inquisitive, and all the things an 18-month old baby should be.  I can still call you 'baby', right?

This might be my favorite, because it captures the fact that you both would rather look anywhere than at the silly camera. 

And one more of you with your lovies. 

You are 18 months old today.  You giggle with glee at your brothers.  You love the big, white dog.  You will eat almost anything you are offered, unless of course, it is a vegetable.  Recently, you've both determined that jumping in your cribs as high and as hard as you possibly can is THE. GREATEST. THING. EVER.  You both are gathering more words in your vocabulary on a daily basis.  

We love you dearly, babies.  More than your little-18-month-old-brains can possibly comprehend.  

We have a few more steps in this process until we all have matching last names.  We are praying that God will allow each step to happen just the way it needs to, and I am asking Him to hold my momma-heart-close as we wait for that finalization day.  I trust His timing, and I believe His word.  You are safely secured in our hearts.  The rest is just paperwork. 

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope."

Psalm 130:5

p.s. Grandparents -  if you click on a picture, they should open in a bigger screen so you can take in the cuteness more easily.

four boys.

Just thought I'd post a couple pictures that I adore of our kiddos and balloons. You can probably figure this out, the first one was taken on Walker's birthday and the second one was taken on Wilson's birthday.  I've learned even in that short span of time (less than a month between those two birthdays), to stress less about having all eight eyes on the camera.  So when we all look back on those pictures of the tops of heads instead of faces we remember laughter instead of momma screaming "look at me, look at me, look at me, keep your eyes on my camera, would you just look... etc, etc."  And really, laughing memories are much better.  Slow and steady, we'll win this race.

naive enough

So, most of you know how we got to this place of adopting.  Lots of praying, conversation, waiting, praying, rinse & repeat.  And we decided to jump in and move forward with a domestic adoption through foster care.

And you know what? I was naive enough to think that God was going to place a child in our home in just a handful of months.  And after nearly a year of waiting, I thought, well, maybe I just need to fire up some prayer warriors.  And I was naive enough to think that after I sent that first email to my praying-friends that God was going to place a child in our home.  And after 8 months of emailing out updates, we got a call that we had been matched.  And I was naive enough to think that our babies would be legally-our-babies within a month of two.  That was four months ago. 

I don't know how long this process will take until we all have matching last names.  I am ok with that.  I can see that God leads me with enough naivety to take the next step.  He doesn't fill me in on all the details because there is a good chance that I would just say "NO WAY! THAT IS LIKE WAY WAY TOO HARD."  And so He just leads me step by step.  With constant reminders that He is the same, yesterday, today and always.  And He has surrounded me with lovely people that pray for our family.  And I am certain that they also pray that I am not kept awake at night with worry about this process (because I am not kept awake at night with worry about this process).

It occurred to me today, about those weeks between that "you've been matched" phone call and our first meeting with the caseworkers & foster mom.  Weeks.  It felt like forever.  But God was already growing love in our hearts for these two babies.  And I realized today, that those weeks gave root.  Because at that first meeting we found out some things that might've caused us to say, "NO WAY!" if we had found out on that initial phone call.  We needed those roots to hold the news that this was going to be a different path than we had expected. And by the time we found that out,  there was no longer a place in our hearts that could imagine a "NO."

"The very steps we take come from God, otherwise how would we know where we are going?"

Proverbs 20:24

Wherever you are, whatever you are facing.  God has a plan.  And He is working it out.  And it might seem like its taking a sweet-forever, but His timing is always just-right.  And the things that are growing roots in this waiting place, are things you need in your life... and there is a good chance that those roots will one day hold it altogether.  So take your next step with confidence that He has got this.  And if you look back and think you might have been a little naive with your expectations, its likely His way of protecting you from throwing your arms up and saying, "NO WAY, THAT IS LIKE WAY WAY TOO HARD!"