Raising Grateful Kids

Today I am participating in a "blog hop."  Truthfully, I am not exactly sure what that means, but I do know that I am writing about Raising Grateful Kids In An Entitled World by Kristen Welch.  I have had the privilege of reading this book as part of the launch team.  And y'all are going to love this book.  For real.

Because, you know what?  It is hard to raise grateful kids in an entitled world.  And sometimes it feels awkward and lonely and unattainable.  Am I right?

This book has been such a good read; it has challenged me, encouraged me, and reminded me that we are not in this alone.  {You can go pre-order it here.}

While I feel that our boys are a pretty grateful bunch, I can see how it has been a hard fight to get here at times.  And I know without a doubt that it is an ongoing battle.

Beyond question, I feel our family has an advantage when it comes to being grateful because of our time as a military family.  Its hard to take simple things for granted when you go without them for long stretches of time.  A daddy reading bedtime stories before bed is priceless.  Visiting with extended family after being far away for so long cannot be undervalued.  Realizing God has brought you lifelong friends in a short period of time is a gift beyond measure.  Truly, our family gained so much perspective while living that life. I pray that the gratitude we learned there will always be woven into our family story.

Obviously, our involvement with the foster care community has given us a perspective that helps guide our boys toward gratitude as well.  Our older boys have been able to volunteer in the clothing closet and at Brad's work sorting donations for foster kiddos.  This has opened the door for so many conversations about children in difficult situtions. {And about why people donate junk, but that will be a separate blog post.} Being aware that there are kiddos in our own community that wish for nothing more than a family is a reality check for any child. While we do our best to not lay anything too heavy on our boys, and we try to keep our conversations age-approriate, we do not sugar coat the truth.

Even with these built-in perspective boosters, gratefulness is sometimes elusive.  We have to work for it.  And the work starts with Brad and I.   If we aren't grateful, our children won't be either. I love this quote from Kristen's book:

Through the book, at the end of each chapter, Kristen provides a "Going Against the Flow" list broken down by age group: parents, toddlers/preschoolers, elementary, tweens/teens.  I appreciate this because it helps me take inventory of how we are doing and gives me ideas for what we could try.  It is written in a way that gives guidance without condemnation.  I think these segments will be a blessing to each person that reads the book.  I have already found some suggestions that I would like to add in to our routine.

Here are a few practical things we do as a family to intentionally build gratitude and fight entitlement.

1. We talk about God's goodness to us. A lot. Especially this past year as we bore witness to heavy grief.
2. Our kids get an allowance each pay-period.  Sometimes when we are out + about they will ask for a treat, and I reply, "did you bring your wallet?"  This doesn't mean we don't get occasional treats, but it provides an instant check for the older boys to determine if they want to spend their own money on that milkshake.
3. We sponsor a child through Compassion International. This is an easy way to inform your children about what life is like for kiddos around the world, and make a difference for a child in Jesus' name. 
4. We have scaled back on gifts.  Our kids know they get three presents from us at Christmas and the older boys know our budget for gifts too {they've overheard me talk about it before.} This takes the pressure off of us as parents and lowers their expectations too.  A lot of these types of decisions bloomed during our journey to become debt-free.
5. We read a chapter from Proverbs together every morning at breakfast.  We re-read it every month.  Its a simple way to remind us daily that Scripture holds truth for our daily lives. We each pick which verse we 'like' best each morning. This is a simple ritual that has become so dear.

Do not be fooled, we get this wrong all the time.  That's part of why I like this book so much.  Every stage of parenting holds new challenges and our culture is constantly changing.  Its important to remember that Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World isn't something we have to do alone.  We have a faithful Father that guides us toward gratitude. Its not hard to find a verse in scripture reminding us to be grateful.

 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1 {NIV}

I think it is certainly something that gets easier with practice and with prayer.  If we continually seek His word, seek His guidance, and follow Him; we will find Him trustworthy and we'll be ever grateful.  Our gratitude will spill over to our children and Lord-willing they will be grateful too.

Click on these links to read more about what gratitude looks like in other families too!

Inspiring an Attitude of Gratitude - by Alison Rasisng Grateful Kids - by amanda Why You Can't Buy Gratitude At The Dollar Store - by Andrea Missing - Gratefulness in our home - by Ange Choosing Gratitude - by Angela Gratefullness - by chaley 5 Steps to Gratitude-Fille Family - by Christa Practicing Grateful Parenting - by Dana Sing a Song - by Hannah Cultivating gratitude in our family - by Jamie Gratefulness In Our Home - by Jana Gratefulness In Our Home - by Jana Let It Begin With Me - by Jen Choosing Gratefulness - by Jennifer Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World - The Book - by jeri Eradicating Entitlement - What are you rooted in? - by Jessica Gratefulness in our home - by Kate The Problem With Entitlement is that it begins with us - by Katelyn 7 Unusual Ways I Know How to Be Grateful - by Kathryn Raising Grateful Kids - by Keri How My Children Remind Me to Pray with Gratitude - by Kishona Grateful - by Kristy Entitlement: The Ugly Truth of a Beautiful Lie - by Leigha The Most Important Thing You Can Do To Raise Grateful Kids - by Lindsey Dear Son: How Do I Teach You To Be Grateful Without Guilt? - by Marie Osborne Gratitude, A Practical Definition - by Mia Cultivating Gratitude in Our Home - by Nancy Learning Gratitude through Chronic Illness - by Rachel Being Grateful - by Rebecca I've Found Something I Can't Live Without - by Sarah The Power of Naming our Gifts - by Sarah Outfitted - by Sarah Jo Growing Gratitude in our Family - by Sondra Teaching Gratefulness - by Stephanie How Grateful Looks From Here - by Alison Fighting Entitlement in Children and All of us - by Leah Entitlement Problem - by Karrie Grateful Today - by Krystal

Surprised By Motherhood

This is my 1053rd blog post.  Crazy, right?  We started this thing as a way to keep in touch with family and post news and updates about our day-to-day happenings.

And then facebook.

But I keep blogging just because jotting down my thoughts is an excellent way for me to process the world around me.  Along the way, I've "met" other women online via blogging.  Its certainly been more one-sided, in that they have invited me in to their space and let me take in their words.  There are a handful of online voices that breathe encouragement into my heart every time I read them.

Lisa-Jo Baker is one of those voices.  She has this beautiful way of gathering up all-the-mommas and encouraging on a soul-level.  She speaks Truth with the best kind of love.  She never separates momming into the common mommy-war lines, rather she gathers and unites with her words.

It is a gift.

Especially in a world where a momma can post a status update about her toddler playing at the McDonald's playground -- and instantly get comments about how nasty the food is, how disgusting the playground is, and how much better it is for a child to play in a free-range forest.  Or some such.

There is a whole lot of clamoring about how to do this mothering thing correctly.  Lots of finger pointing and judging and beating-someone-else-up-while-defending-my-own-insecure-decisions.

It can be exhausting.

And then Lisa-Jo's book Surprised By Motherhood.


Not only does she eloquently tell the story of her journey into motherhood, she weaves our stories into her own.  Its not all rainbows and glitter, yet the honesty is refreshing and uplifting.  Its the glory of this work we get to do, and the weight of doing it among diapers and tantrums and he's-looking-out-my-window-mini-van-fights.

If I could buy a copy for all my sisters and all my moms I would.  {But again with the whole getting-out-of-the-Army-needing-a-job thing}.  I've read the first three chapters and I cannot wait to read the rest.  I know it will be a blessing to so many mommas, and daughters, out there.

You can read the first three chapters for free by clicking here. {Just click on the "free chapters" download.}

The book releases today!  If you can't go buy it today, put it on your "Mother's Day List".  I know that a "Mother's Day List" is mostly fictional, but you can drop a hint sister.

Also, I'm going to give away one copy of the book.  If you are interested in winning it, leave me a comment and tell me if the book trailer made you cry.  I'll do a random drawing tonight after bedtime.  Since its Spring Break, I'm going to guess that will be after 9pm here. {We cray-cray Spring Breakers up in here!}

outside

"Outside?"

"Outside?!"

"O U T S I D E !!!"

I hear this repeated daily.  x2.  The plea to go outside.  Franklin & Lincoln are always desperate to be outside.  Generally, I am happy to oblige.  Everyone is happier if we spend time outside.  Even if its pushing 90 with high humidity.

While home in Michigan, it was fun to see our little nephews clamoring to go outside too.  Breeze would fiddle with the door until he earned his freedom; and both Wesson & Brecken were thrilled to get outdoors too.  Branden even showed us a "trick" with Brecken... if he was fussing and Branden stepped towards the door to go outside, the fussing would let up... if he backed away from the door it started back up.  That little boy wanted O-U-T.

The light is brighter there.  The colors more vivid.  There is such a variety of textures to experience.  Sounds are layered upon one another from near and far.  All of the little guys knew there was much to be explored outside.

So we let them explore. 

We all start out as explorers, don't we? 

Like Lincoln and Franklin, we use to crave that outdoor time, didn't we?

Somewhere along the way most of us begin to prefer indoors to outdoors.  We like a comfortable climate.  We like to control our entertainment choices.  We like what the walls and doors keep out. We don't mind the view from the window, but its handy that we can block that off too; you know, for privacy and comfort.

Before you know it, we are all comfortable in our little houses.  Cradling our little devices, playing games or watching shows.  So far from the outside that we might even get sucked in to a program about the outside.

We stop exploring.  We settle for near and familiar and comfortable.

I don't want to settle.

I want to begin my days pleading with my Father for "outside!"  Out from the near and the familiar and the comfortable.  I want to explore this world at this time and all the beautiful people I share it with right now.  I want to be childlike in my desires for the brighter light and the vivid colors, for the varied textures and layered sounds.  

I want to be barefoot and walk through the grass, even if it means occasionally stepping on a rock (or worse).  I want to feel the breeze that moves the tree branches and marvel at its refreshment with my sons and neighbors.


This isn't a new song, but the album was new to us on our road trip, so we listened to it many times.  As I ponder this inside/outside issue, this song repeatedly pops into my head. 


The Outsiders by NEEDTOBREATHE.

seven

I've got a little bit of a love/hate thing going with these birthdays of yours, WJ.

Mostly because they're all... 

--b l i n k --

and then

BOOM!!

I mean, for real, with the whitewater rafting?  You couldn't even pretend to be a little bit scared so momma could've busted out some of my baby-Walker-soothing-techniques?  Daddy said you were "fearless."  And I think that word sums you up quite well, son.  I am so incredibly proud of you.  Six was such a super year for you.  You continue to light up the hallways at school and I have yet to meet someone that works there that doesn't adore you.

You do your own thing.  And you do it well.  You know what you like, you know what you dislike - but you are usually willing to give new things a try before deciding.  THAT is an awesome trait.

You are cute, you are smart, you have an incredible sense of humor, but most importantly you love well.  You always reassure me that you love me.  I don't think there is a day that goes by without you telling me so.  I treasure it each time...even if you don't really know that I do. You bravely prayed some prayers during this past year.  When I asked you to, you would pray "that momma wouldn't lose her temper,"  and sometimes you even prayed it when I didn't ask.  I love to see you stepping into your relationship with Jesus on your own - asking Him about things that matter to you because you know He hears each time.

Believe it or not.  You teach me.  So much.  I am looking forward to seeing what lessons I'll learn with you during the year of seven.

I hope you'll keep dancing in Kids' World worship even as more of your classmates decide they don't want to anymore.  I pray you'll rock 2nd grade just as hard as you did 1st grade.  I trust you'll become an even more awesome big brother this year (although, man, you totally owned that role this year!)  I expect that you will begin to grasp more and more just how deeply God loves you and begin glimpsing the goodness of the plans He has for you.  They are good and they are just for you.  No one can do what God has planned for you - except YOU!  Remember:

God created you exactly the way He intended to Walker J.  You are delight to Him and to all that know you (even Wilson although he may not admit that for a few years [or decades, maybe])

Happy Birthday Walker J!  Daddy and I are so proud of you!

my arm is not that long

More lessons from the road trip.

We made a HUGE mistake by packing a little bin of toys for the youngest two - in their line of sight for the car trip.  Lincoln and Franklin would take turns requesting a toy from the bin.  I would grab what they asked for and hand it to them.  Then the toy would inevitably drop (or be thrown?) and wailing would ensue, followed by dramatic, frantic, repetitive requests for the dropped item.  I would then have to twist my body around into all sorts of fantastic contortions to try and find the dropped item.  Patting the floor with my hand in places where my eyes couldn't reach.  This was all kinds of fun.  There were a few times that I couldn't reach the item no matter how much stretching & twisting I did.  I would have to say, "I'm sorry but Mommy can't reach it."  Cue more emphatic wailing.  Awesome, I tell you.  This little scenario played out at least 67 times the first two days on the road.  By day three, we were smart enough to pack that bin in the back of the van.  Genuis!

On the way home there was a similar bit of this scenario cropping up.  We streamlined the number of Lincoln & Franklin items up front, but we had to keep the monsters and blankets - they are critical for sleeping.

See? Absolutely critical.

Of course, when its not sleepy-time its thrash-those-blankets-around-time.  I finally just started replying to the wailing with "My arm is not that long."  No more twisting or contorting - just fact.  My arm is not that long. Who can argue with that?

After issuing this statement a few times, I settled in to the front seat feeling rather proud of my declaration of arm length.  Watching the fields whirl past, listening to my favorite music, just grateful to be rolling along with my guys - a thought took shape.  I remembered that time in the Bible when God made a declaration about the length of His arm.

"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear." -Isaiah 59:1

I love this declarative statement of fact.  Who can argue with that?  

Unlike my arm that couldn't reach the toys that had been tossed around, nothing is out of God's reach.  Furthermore, He never 'accidentally' puts things in our view and then gets frustrated because we keep asking for them/throwing them/dropping them etc.  He makes no mistakes.  He doesn't dangle things in front of us only to make us squirm.  He would love if we would boldly ask for His help.  Often.  Not unlike Lincoln and Franklin - repeatedly and with expectation.  His arm is not too short.  Ever.

things we've learned

It's day two of our road trip. I'm sitting on the floor of the laundry room of our hotel. There's a random chunk of leather belt and a few discarded dryer sheets kicking it with me. Brad's in the room convincing four boys that now is a great time to sleep. I'm not sure who has the better deal at the moment. Thought I'd use some of the dryer-cycle-time to tell you some of the things we've learned thus far. 

1- if Lincoln sucks air in and out of an empty juice box rapidly for a minute (or two?), he's going to get an upset stomach.

2- if you get back on the road after juice box incident (see #1), and Lincoln repeatedly says, "Ima fro up", he means it.

3- you can never pack too many changes of clothes for toddlers 

4- Franklin has a mild case of claustrophobia, he did not want to walk under any rock formations (or next to tall ones) at Rock City

5- the upside of misty rain while visiting Lookout mountain is that you really understand the phrase "the battle above the clouds" 

6- Walker has a daily photo limit, once reached he will opt out of all family photos; if he is forced in, you'll know it

7- Ruby Falls is a one hour (+) walking tour underground; Lincoln and Franklin were polar opposites.  I carried Franklin (see #4), Lincoln however would have preferred free reign of the cave and wanted nothing to do with holding hands or waiting for people ahead of us. He let his preference for freedom be known through much wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

8- I can't get over the preciousness of the boys sharing beds; Wilson + Lincoln and Walker + Franklin. Nobody fell out of bed last night and I'm hopeful for an equally successful night tonight. Wilson did get crowded out and ended up switching sides with Lincoln last night :)

9- We had some diaper leakage today - see #3

10- I've already laughed so hard that I nearly cried more times than I can remember. I think it bodes well for the rest of the trip. 

Lincoln's face in this picture pretty much captures his entire Ruby Falls experience. 

the hair dryer

This motherhood thing is a challenge.  Just when you think you are getting a part figured out, your kids grow and there are new parts.  The learning curve tends to fall heavily on the firstborn.  God bless him.

He's not a fan of me taking his picture, and really dislikes it when I post pictures... although, if I tell him "your grandparents" will want to see this, he usually relents.  But with that look on his face.  I see that look more and more.  I recognize it.  I think I could've won medals for giving that look so frequently and effortlessly.

Last night, I watched Frankie Heck burst into tears at Axel's graduation and I could've jumped right in the screen with her.

It all happens so fast.

I know Wil isn't graduating yet (thank you Jesus!), but he is just growing so much.  And so often this mother heart wonders if I haven't just messed it all up for him.  There's this crazy part that thinks somehow my mistakes will surpass God's grace, you know?

But God is good.  And in His goodness, He gives these little gifts.

The one I am savoring right now involves my hair dryer.  And the boy that wants to grow his hair out.

We've decided its OK for him to grow his hair out.  We would love if he actually cared what it looks like when he leaves the house.  Maybe that will happen one day?  We've threatened to cut it if he doesn't start combing it BEFORE we tell him too.  The loophole here is that he gets it wet, and combs 25% of it.  Its still a mess but obvious that he made an effort... be it a really small effort.  The hair.  [I can't help but wonder if these hair-hassles might be some sort of preparation for a girl to join our ranks.]  Its an ongoing thing.  And fairly annoying.

Maybe it was the night before the baby dedication?  I don't remember for sure.  I decided to blow dry Wil's hair before bed.  All the way.  The next morning, it still looked good.

So for the last week or so, Wil and I have a few moments for me to run my fingers through his hair and wave a hair dryer at his head.  We made a little hand gesture for him to use so I can give him a cool shot if it gets too hot.  We don't talk, I turn him around this way and that.

I marvel at how big he is.  I wonder at how this once tiny head that I cradled in my hands is so full of this hair.
And ideas.
And dreams.

God has given me these moments with him and my hair dryer.  They are treasure.

Oh the things we mothers carry close in our hearts. 

p.s. yes, I did get carried away with picmonkey when editing the photo. ;)  I imagine Wilson will quickly greet this post with that look.  God bless him.

seven bones

Which is slightly more humorous than seven dollars.  Right?

Which is how much we made at our "garage sale" this weekend. 

And the thing is, I am not really disappointed.  I don't feel like we wasted time.  We did waste a bit of poster board that didn't survive the rain, but other than that we're good.

You may or may not know that we are hoping to buy shoes for our foster care office with the money from our sale.  We are almost completely stocked {at the time of typing; this changes often due to kiddos coming in to care any day of the week}, in regard to clothing. 

When I was in the office last week, the caseworker told me that they had TWO sets of SEVEN kiddos come in to care the Friday prior.  14 kids on the same day.  One child had no shoes whatsoever.  Thankfully, they found a pair of flip-flops that worked.  I knew then that we would use our "garage sale" money for shoes. {There are currently 16 pairs of shoes total - for ALL ages/genders - oh, and 6 pair are women's size 9 or larger.}

We made seven bones.  You can't buy a whole lotta shoes for that... not even kids shoes.

But here's the thing.  Its in God's hands, oh and by the way, He has a ridiculous track record with us + garage sales.

Our first sale in Oklahoma we paid to advertise in the "wrong paper."  I had more baby boy clothes to sell than Babies R Us.  I was 7 months pregnant and desperate, because we had no space for-all-the-bins-of-clothes.  Pretty sure I saved every. single. piece. of clothing Wilson ever wore.  Sure, I was pregnant with baby boy #2 and due in the same season even - but nearly three years of clothing just don't fit as well in a rental house as they do in your parents' basement.  We paid for our ad so after subtracting that we made $4 at that sale.  We had a woman interested in buying our bedding set for $10 so I had set it aside for her... she never came back.  There was some marital tension over that decision.  I looked into selling it on eBay - people did that back then.  Brad took pictures and listed it.  Our five year old bedding set from Target sold for over $180. 

One of our sales here, we had hoped to make enough money to buy Wilson a cub scout uniform.  {Nobody tells you those babies are outrageously expensive when you sign your boy up!}  We didn't sell much at the sale.  We might have had enough for a shirt.  We looked on eBay for used Cub Scout uniforms.  We had a stack of old DVD's leftover from the sale.  Unbelievable that nobody bought them for the hot price of 3/$1.  We figured we could try to sell them on eBay.  Brad sorted them into sets - high-demand sets really - Dora, Bob the Builder, Backyardigans, ScoobyDoo.  The good stuff, people.  I can't remember the dollar amount exactly but we more than quadrupled what we would've made had we sold them at our sale and there was enough scratch for every piece of that uniform.  And money left over for our pockets.

You can't never always sometimes tell.

That's a phrase I am borrowing from The Circle Maker.  {If you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?}  Basically, you can't predict what God is going to do.  Ever.

We are going to try and sell our wares again on Saturday this week.  I don't know if we'll make a ton of money or if we'll be lucky to make seven dollars again.  The thing is, I am trusting God with it; and I am guessing there's going to be a surprise in it.  I'll keep you posted.

You might not be having a garage sale.  Or maybe you just did and you sold hundreds of dollars worth of your junk.  No matter.  The point is, at some point in your life God has surprised you, I bet.  Its fun to go back and remember how He did.  Especially if you are waiting on something now. 

Take a moment and think of a "you can't never always sometimes tell" memory in your life.  Praying that moment is a special blessing to you today.

7 :: the media chapter

If I could sum up this 12 day fast with one word, I think I would choose "refreshment."  Weird, huh?  And not at all what I expected.  I honestly thought "media" would be the hardest thing for me...mainly social media.. mainly because my social life is limited in this season.  So I thought I would really "miss out" on the interaction.  But I did not.

Let me back up and tell you how I framed my "media fast."  I omitted Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.  I allowed myself instagram, not exactly sure why I made that one "ok" but I did, and I don't regret it.  I decided to not turn on the TV in the morning even though we have a habit of morning snuggles while waiting for the local weather on GMA from 7:00-7:20am.  I also decided to not to turn on the TV or watch TV if I was the only one in the room. The fam opted out on this fast and it was ok.  A few nights, however, Brad and I just decided to read instead of watching junk TV and I think that is a habit that we might continue.

So that is what I did.

I hit a snag one day via instagram, when I tried to enter a sseko contest that was being held on FB.  I schemed a way for Brad to help me enter and then realized that it was much too complicated for it to go down that way.  I haven't yet checked to see what the actual rules are on the contest, maybe there's still time! {fingers crossed!}

So my overall impression was that I felt refreshed being off of social media and reading more.

  I didn't turn in to a crazy, productive person around the house - although I did make some awesome sugar cookies even without pinterest. 

There were other subtle but meaningful things I noticed as well.  I worked with Wilson on a school project, I try hard to be hands-off on projects so that I don't take it over.  I colored some cardboard brown for him and helped him turn his fish into 3D instead of one sided.  He told me "thank you for working on my project with me mom."  I realized that I might have just been reading twitter feeds, or FB statuses, or perusing pinterest for craft ideas if I weren't on this fast.  I also learned that it is possible to work with him and not for him. 

Another thing I noticed is that I seem to yell less.  I hate to admit that publicly, but its so true that it would be a shame to not share it.  This falls right into my word for the year - unflappable.  I realized sometime around when Lent started that there was a connection to when I yelled and that I was often holding my phone or iPad reading something via FB or twitter.  I would say, "let me read this real quick " or "hold on a second."  And inevitably when Lincoln or Franklin asked me for the 17th time to fix the door on the bus I would yell "enough already, I fixed it 16 times, rant, rant, rant..."  Gross.  So for the remainder of Lent I decided to take FB off of my phone & ipad, and only check it from the PC - usually once a day.  I haven't put it back on my phone and probably won't.  I noticed during this fast that I yelled less frequently and the flapping was less likely - probably because I was less distracted.

I'm still thinking over why I felt such refreshment being off of social media.  I am a thinker.  I like to think about things.  My strengths-finder test even said so --it also said it doesn't actually matter what the topic is, just that I think a lot -- so not necessarily a smart thinker.  Honestly, I think that is part of my issue with social media.  I'll see something on FB and then think about it off and on throughout the day.  This isn't always a bad thing, but more times than not I tend to stew over things... and not even necessarily things that impact my actual relationships. 

I tried to think of an example to share so you could get an inside glimpse to my thinking-thinker-brain but I don't want to make anyone feel like I am referring to a post they made in the past. The main impression I am getting is that it is my responsibility to reign in the thinking-thoughts when they begin to invade my day.  It'll start by adjusting some settings, and probably unfollowing some twitter peeps (I don't interact much on twitter but read a lot of links via various authors, speakers, and pastors).  I also sense an urgency to pray before checking up on my media and to pray when I feel the thinking-thoughts-tension coming - right then, not later. 

I think it is also critical to give myself space for creativity.  I can load up my limited "free time" with twitter and pinterest and facebook and often walk away with nothing to show for it.  I made this printable from a verse that really resonated with me after our Pastor preached from this passage a week ago.

I love making little printables like this.  It actually energizes me to be creative, but only if I allow myself the time and space for it.

One of the things I really liked about Jen Hatmaker's take on media in 7 is that there is a balance to be found.  Sure, sometimes its easier to just abstain than try and make reasonable boundaries for participation.  Here's a portion of what she wrote in the companion guide to 7:

In Corinthians, Paul wrote: "Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful.  Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up."  (1 Cor. 10:23)  I can no more decide what this looks like for you than figure out my apple TV.  This is no place to compare and judge.  We assess beauty and struggle and creativity and stories differently.  Some messages roll of you like Teflon, but they lodge in my thoughts for days.  Others don't affect me in the slightest, but they plant ideas in your head you can't shake.  And still others are probably a bad idea for all of us.  Just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

Once again.  It boils down to the heart.  Asking God to guide your boundary making will always bring good results. 

I am hoping to write a post tomorrow (?!?) about one of the awesome benefits of social media.  If time allows. ;)

7 :: the possessions chapter

This chapter was a tricky one for me.  So much so, that I felt prompted to make a totally awesome vlog for the book club members.  Or totally dorky, depending on who you ask. ;)

I hit a couple of barriers with wrong-thinking.  I can see now that the wrong-thinking was bleed over from other areas.  As Brad and I keep opening our hearts wider to what God has in store for our family, my brain starts to circle around old, familiar lies - you know the ones that accuse or discredit or stall.  Somehow, I was on a not-quite-good-enough-streak which even carried over to my thoughts about what possessions I could donate.  God carefully helped me identify those lies, but it was slow-going there in the midst of these 12 days. 

I have a lot of stuff to get rid of or pass along.  I came to peace with the conclusion that it won't all be gone at the end of my 12 days (today).  Part of it will be combined with the used clothing from the foster care office for a garage sale in a few weeks.  We'll then use those proceeds to buy more outfits to stock the donation room.  I sent an email to a local organization to see if they could use some crafty-supplies.  I'm also going to see if any of my fabric scraps will be useful for Sole Hope.  I might even host a shoe-cutting party. 

Once God brought me to the other side of the wrong-thinking, He was able to lead me toward the right places.  It is so critical to capture those wrong thoughts.  The verse I am memorizing right now helps:

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ," 2 Corinthians 10:5

 I also want to leave you with a quote from 7.  It is really the heart of the possessions chapter and I think regardless of which tax bracket you fall into, these are important things for ALL of us as North American Christians to consider.

We top the global food chain through no fault or credit of our own.  I've asked God a billion times why I have so much while others have so little.  Why do my kids get full bellies?  Why does water flow freely from my faucets?  Why do we get to go to the doctor when we are sick?  There is no easy answer.  The why definitely matters, but so does the what.  What do we do with our riches?  What do we do with our privileges? What should we keep?  What should we share?  I better address this inequality since Jesus clearly identified the poor as His brothers and sisters and my neighbor.  What if we tried together?  What if a bunch of Christians wrote a new story becoming consumers the earth is groaning for?  I suspect we'd find that elusive contentment, storing up treasures like Jesus told us to.  I'm betting our stuff would lose its grip and we'd discover riches contained in a simpler life, a communal responsibility.  Money is the most frequent theme in Scripture; perhaps the secret to happiness is right under our noses.  Maybe we don't recognize satisfaction because it is disguised as radical generosity, a strange misnomer in a consumer culture. (italics are Jen Hatmaker's, the bold is mine).

I am repeatedly blown away by the blessings I am getting from going through this book with the book club {of awesome people}.   The creative ways in which God is driving home the lessons for each lady/family is just beautiful.  I am thankful that we are trying together!

pray for your pastor

Did you read this post by Beth Moore?  I retweeted it and I posted it on FB.  I think its worth reading if you are a Jesus Follower. 

It resonated with me so deeply and, of course, Beth Moore is going to write it better than I ever could. 

After Brad told me about Rick Warren's son on Saturday I cried a little (of course).  I prayed for their family as I made dinner.  Sometime later in the evening I told Brad, "if one person posts something hateful on FB about this, I swear I'm gonna quit facebook.  I'm quitting it for good." 

Maybe you've noticed there can be a whole lotta snark up in there on the FB?  It greatly affects me when the latest "controversy" gets everyone fired up.  I'm a feeler.  I get all twisted up in my gut when hateful things are posted and the arguments that erupt in the comments.  Gah.  And these are on my Christian friends' pages.  Double Gah.  

I try to keep FB "friends" down to actual friends and/or family members... people I would share a meal with if the opportunity arises.  Even still, there is diversity in my friends' list and there are just days that I don't spend much time there because there can be some downright ugliness.  I hate that part of FB.

 I feared that some idiot somewhere would write an awful, accusatory post about the Warrens and I was worried that one of my "friends" would share it.  And then I was gonna quit.  Thankfully that hasn't happened.  All day today I have been thinking about this Facebook-hatefulness-phenomena and it occured to me that it really isn't new, its just more obvious. 

I think about Pastor Rick Warren and his family, of quietly caring for a child with mental illness while also carrying on the work that Lord has called him to; then publicly asking for prayer in their deepest time of grief.  I think of the words that Beth Moore wrote about Christians hating-on one another and I can't help but think about all of the pastors and their families out there. (Shout out to Pastor Dan in ND!)

They need our prayers.  Desperately. 

One of my favorite things about our church is the Pastor's Prayer Partners ministry (P3).  Our Pastor started it some time ago and as he celebrated his 30th anniversary at our church yesterday, his only real regret is that he didn't start P3 sooner.  I've often remarked to Brad that I think the American Church would be unstoppable if every congregation prayed earnestly for their pastor.

Brad grew up a pastor's son.  I don't think its my place to share his family's personal stories of hurt via congregants; but I will tell you that Brad nodded emphatically the first time we heard pastor talk about P3.  He gave some examples of things a pastor might hear:

• you don't dress you/your family well enough
• you spend too much money on the clothes you/your family wears
• we pay you all that money and you drive a clunker
• we must pay you too much if you can afford such a nice car
• you shouldn't preach so much about -----------
• you should preach more about ----------------- 

Absurd, right?

Our Pastor wrote a book called Pray for your Pastor and he included some statistics in the first chapter...

•  1500 pastors in America leave the ministry every month due to moral failure, burnout, or trouble in the church.
• Of pastors and their wives, 82% are discouraged in the work because they are told daily of someone who is displeased with them.
• 97% of all pastors have been betrayed, falsely accused, or hurt by their trusted friends.  And as a result, 78% do not have a close friend.
• Of all pastors' children, 80% have a low trust of people within the church.

Here's a quote from the end of that chapter:

Ministry is an undeniable calling on the life of a person.  A person who is called to ministry knows it because they are unable to do anything else with success.  A person doesn't choose ministry, ministry chooses a person.  It is that fact alone that makes the life of a pastor a difficult one.  Pastors are imperfect people, who need the grace of God and men.  Sometimes we forget that.  We forget that pastors don't walk on water, they walk beside it.  When a congregation forgets to protect their pastor with prayer, that pastor is more vulnerable to Satan's attacks.  If everything rises and falls on leadership, it is clear why the devil attacks the pastor and his family the most in the church.  Jesus taught in Matthew 26:31 that if you strike down the shepherd, the sheep will scatter.  Jesus uses this metaphor often in the Bible to describe the people and their leader.  He often described people with no leader as "sheep without a shepherd" (Matt. 9:36). The devil will target a pastor not only because he wants to damage a ministry, but because he seeks to destroy the people under that ministry.  Your pastor will be satan's top priority, and that is why praying for him daily must be your congregation's top priority as well.

I wonder what it was like for pastor to stand before the church the first time he introduced P3.  I wonder if his critics were uncomfortable.  I wonder what kind of fury was happening in the heavenly places that day.

I can't tell you what a blessing it is to pray for our pastor daily.  I can tell you, though, that you will experience those blessings if you begin praying daily for your pastor. 

If you don't know specifically what to pray, then pray this:  Ask God to protect your pastor physically, morally, mentally, and spiritually.  I pray this for our pastor and his wife, for each of their sons and their daughter-in-law's and their GRANDangels as well.  I pray for their marriages to be strong and well protected.  I pray that their communication with one another is open, honest, and easy. 

I urge you to pray for your pastor.  Use your words carefully and your prayers powerfully. If you might be interested in our pastor's book, you can click here.  Maybe you will even be moved to begin a P3 ministry at your church!  THAT would be awesome!  

*p.s. our church is classified as a mega-church, our pastor has no idea I am writing this and I am receiving nothing for linking to the book.  I just wholeheartedly believe in this ministry of praying for our pastors; I truly believe it is crucial for a church's health and growth.

7::clothes

[book club post]


[click here if you want to check out the book]

I wrapped up my 12 days of wearing my selected clothing. Actually, day 12 I just wore my work-out clothes all day long. And yesterday? My first day back to my closet and I pulled on way-too-short sweats and a ratty t-shirt. {mostly because of puckers the night before, and partly because I had been cold for so many days in a row}.

198.

Or possibly 187.

{I didn't want to recount and I didn't write it down immediately, therefore the number is in question}

One of those numbers represents how many articles of clothing I own; not counting unmentionables, pjs, or socks. How do I ever utter, "I don't have anything to wear"? 

As I counted, I admit, there were a number of items that I didn't want to count because I never wear them and/or I hate them. For the life of me I can't fully grasp why they are still in my closet. So they will be going during the next chapter, which is possessions. Counting the items reminded me all over again of the importance of trying things on before buying - whenever possible.  I'm happy to say that I don't have anything hanging in my closet that still has tags on it.  Most of the poor-fit/I-hate items are secondhand items that I probably didn't try on - or I tried them on and thought I could make them work because they were a "good brand."  So I can't say I really have wasted a lot of money on clothes, but I have wasted money on clothes.  That needs to stop.

I mentioned that I've been learning about the impact of how/where I spend money. I've been scouring store websites to find information about social responsibility - for assurances that the company does not use child workers, that they pay fair wages, that there are safe working environments, and that workers are treated respectfully. I'm pleased to discover that I have found these assurances on a number of websites. (There have been a few brands that I could not find this information anywhere on their websites; so those will be brands I don't buy.) Here's the thing though, every website that has a well-written piece about their policies seemed to have a bit of a disclosure - something like "to the best of our ability" or "we randomly inspect overseas factories for compliance." Which left me feeling a little skeptical. I'd like it better if they had zero-tolerance statements, I think.

The biggest take-away for me is again my sense of entitlement. I hate that. So much. One morning I was especially cranky because it was cold again. {I know northern folk, I know.} We had a string of unseasonably cold days and as I sat chilled with my coffee thinking about the day ahead, my mood was foul. Just plain grumpy-pants because the shirt I had to wear was a tank-top-tunic and even with my brown cardi over it I knew I'd feel cold all day. I wallowed in it for a bit. Commiserated over the fact that I should've checked the extended forecast, convincing myself that I would have picked better options.

And then that still small voice...the unmistakable impression that I was only fooling myself. The truth is that I was allowing - even possibly encouraging - myself to be discontent at the start of a fresh new day because of clothing. For real. It wasn't like I had to go out naked. I was just going to be dressed for the season in unseasonable weather - and I gave myself a green light to be cranky about it. Lord help me. I was totally missing the whole point. It wasn't really about my dumb clothes it was about my dumb attitude.

A portion of this chapter, Jen Hatmaker highlights Isaiah 58:6-7

“Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
“Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

She went on to describe that often when we hear "fast" we put on a yoke of self-denial.  That is exactly what I was doing.  She later states,

"While fasting from futile things, I don't want to fixate on them, missing the forest for the trees."

The fact that I was allowing my self to scowl through my quiet time proves that I've got some work to do.  But I am hopeful.  And I am confident.  I do believe God is doing a work and making space for changes that are coming.  That confidence helps balance the uncomfortable tension in the middle of this whole thing.

I will definitely be getting rid of some of my 187/198 items. I'll remind myself to try-before-you-buy.  I'll be more conscious about where I buy clothes for our family. Lord willing, my heart will remain open to hear that still small voice even in the middle of a foul mood.  

twin lessons

I think I can keep these short.  Lincoln & Franklin have taught me two distinct lessons over the course of the last 10 days or so.  God is so good to speak to us through our children's behavior.

First up.

I took four boys to a brand new playground a week ago Friday.  I think half of Columbus was there.  I was chasing toddlers, wrangling that free-spirited first grader, and being a tad-too-bossy to the big helper.  It was stressful because there were tons of adults along the perimeter of the playground but I was never standing still long enough to notice the children with each adult - thus leaving that sense of fear that one of the adults might be a creepy-freak.  So we were in constant motion the. whole. time.  I kept telling Lincoln & Franklin that we had to stay together because there were "so many kids."  After a final warning, Lincoln ran off as fast as his little legs would carry him (under the bridge part that is most awkward for me to follow, of course).  When I caught up to him I told him we had to leave because he ran off and there were "so many kids" that it was hard for me to watch him.  He was devastated.  Big sad tears.  He said, "sorry mommy!"  And I forgave him and gave him kisses as I buckled him into his carseat.

I decided we would grab Chick-Fil-A to bring home for dinner, so we headed that way.  Lincoln said, "sorry mommy" again, in that sad voice.  I told him again that I forgave him.  He then looked out the window and said, "so many kids."  I'm not exaggerating, we repeated this conversation at least 6 more times.  "sorry mommy"  "so many kids"  He just kept repeating it. 

He wasn't understanding that I forgave him because his circumstance wasn't changing.

How many times have I puzzled over a past mistake, bringing it up over and over to my Father because the hurt was still there?  Yes, I screwed up.  But He forgave me.  Sometimes I forget to receive that forgiveness.  Do you ever find yourself on repeat when your circumstances still reflect a bad choice?

"As far as east is from west - that’s how far God has removed our sin from us." Psalm 103:12

Second lesson.

Yesterday we took Muskoka to the groomer.  Big girl had been dealing with some seriously bad hair for weeks.  Lincoln & Franklin had never dropped Muskoka off at the groomer before, so it was all new.  When I told them we were taking her to get her hair cut, they asked if she would get the "phone" to play with {they have a special hair cut toy, reserved for hair cuts only}.  I told them that Mussy can't play with the phone.  I told them that we would leave her there to get her haircut because it takes a really long time.  I didn't want them to be surprised when we left her.  We repeated this entire conversation quite a few times before it was finally time to take her.  It was a trip trying to get the 80-pound-spaz through the door with the double stroller.  Of course, she hid behind me while we waited our turn to get checked in.  I tried to turn the stroller so Lincoln & Franklin could see some of the other dogs getting their hair cut and explained how they stand on the table. 

The groomer took Muskoka and Franklin started saying, "Watch.  Haircut.  Watch."  I told him that her haircut takes a really long time and that they would call Daddy when she was done and he'd bring her home. 
"Koka?" 
"Haircut?"
"Watch?" 
Each question was slightly more frantic than the one before.  Both boys were asking in very nervous voices.  I repeated the conversation piece from earlier in the day.  I reminded them that we had talked about it earlier and that her haircut takes a long time.  By the time they were both buckled in, I thought they understood.  As we merged on to the highway, Lincoln said, "Koka?  Haircut?"  I repeated my part.  A little further down the road, Franklin says, "Koka?  Haircut?" I repeated my part.

Now I have to tell you this...  the tenderness in their voices as they asked, kept me from getting irritated with repeating my part.  They were genuinely concerned and I was trying my best to reassure them.  Over and over again.  As many times as they needed to hear it.  They eventually both fell asleep on the way.  When I was carrying Lincoln up to his crib, he woke up and said, "Koka? Koka?"  I whispered, "Daddy will bring her home."

It didn't matter how many times I told them how things were going to unfold.  They weren't grasping it.  They were focused on what they saw happen, we left Koka.  Their little minds couldn't wrap around the idea that Daddy was going to bring her home...even though I clearly communicated that many times.

How often do I struggle with the Truth that I have heard over and over because I am focused on what I see happen right in front of me?  How often does my little mind get tripped up in that space between my reality and God's Truth because I can't figure out how the two will come together?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

what to wear?

We are almost halfway through the clothing "fast" in our book club. I gotta say, this one is not like the food one for me. Likely because I am a stay-at-home mom and I wear a lot of the same things day after day anyway.  I am a little more deliberate about what is going into the washer, but because no one else is doing this "fast" with me here at home, the amount of laundry is nearly the same.  I think Wilson and Walker would easily be cool with wearing 7 items all the time.  Honestly, if I wash a shirt they wore yesterday, they will wear it tomorrow.  No issue.  They don't care if they wear the same thing to church each week.  I'm learning that this is actually a good thing, and I would do well to encourage them to be content with what they have (even if right now I suspect some of it is just l-a-z-y; why force them into the marketing machine?)  Lincoln & Franklin really don't care either, but I sure try hard to make sure they wear something different for church and mom's morning out each week.  I guess in a way, Brad is always limiting his clothing choices, thanks to the uniform he wears every work day. ;)

Ok.  So there are my clothing choices.  I really r-e-a-l-l-y wanted to pick all thrifted things, but to try and pick things that worked together was a little tricky.  And being tall, makes thrifting pants/jeans a challenge!  I tried to add text, but you might not be able to see it all so here's the breakdown:

1. green v-neck pocket tee (Target)
2. India Not For Sale tee (buy here).
3. Khakis (thrifted - I think they are Eddie Baur, I'm wearing them and too lazy to check)
4. Tunic Tank top/dress thing (thrifted - Rue 21, dress for the young ladies, tunic for the not-as-young)
5. Skinny Jeans (Old Navy) * I had to pick a pair I could put in the dryer, most of my jeans air dry because I have those super long thighs and I cannot allow my jeans to shrink in length.  I don't love wearing skinny jeans with t-shirts, not sure where my head when I was making these choices.
6.  Brown Sweater Cardi (thrifted - don't remember the brand and too lazy to go get it.)
7. Shoes (2 pair = 1 item, fuzzy math)

• Sseko sandals (buy here)
• Payless shoes from the Good Shoe Project (check it)

Jewelry links:
1. chunky necklace - The Apparent Project
2. set of bracelets - Pura Vida
3. + 7. green paper bead earrings + glass bead necklace -War (Women At Risk) International
4. + 5. + 6.  Multi-color paper bead necklace - blue earrings - multi-color bracelet -Bead for Life

I've been challenged about how I spend my clothing dollars.  I have a bit of a history with being a clothes-freak back in my single days.   There has been incredible growth in this category, but I still always a feel a pull to skim through the clearance racks whenever I am out shopping.

When we started budgeting, I had $7 in my clothing envelope each month.  Believe it or not, it felt amazing to have designated clothing money, even if it was only $7.  Before this, I often felt a pang of guilt over spending money on clothes.  Or I would buy one of each color of the $3 shirt on clearance, even though Stacy + Clinton hadn't clearly stated that this was a fashion no-no. With the budget in hand,  I realized it was important to spend carefully and choose things that fit me well.  For awhile, I felt it was better to buy brand new from Target (or Wal-mart {gasp!}) than buy from a thrift store for similar prices.  I still think that is true for some items and ALWAYS true for underwear and swimwear ;) I've found that you save a lot of money if you make time to try clothes on before buying.

Ok, but to the point already...while reading 7, what have I been learning?

I've started reading companies statements about their ethical & social policies.  (Here's an example.)  I've started reading labels to see where things are made.  I've realized that the money I spend DOES matter.  It is getting harder and harder to convince myself that the overseas-workers aren't my neighbors.  Those Sseko sandals?  They might be one of the happiest purchases ever.  They aren't cheap and it took me a good long time to finally commit to buying them, but I am so happy I did.  The India tee from Not For Sale was actually made in a factory in India that hires former human-trafficking victims or individuals that are at high-risk for human-trafficking.

When I think about the impact my clothing budget can make, it is mind-boggling. Buying from thrift stores is also a very "green" thing to do.  I'm sure most people don't think of it that way, but consider how many articles of clothing go in the land fill each year and suddenly thrifting seems pretty environmentally friendly.  Also, when you purchase used clothing, your dollars go further and they don't go directly to the pocket of the company with questionable practices.  Generally speaking, thrift stores often use their profits for good.  One I shop at here supports Vapor Sports, so the money I spend there goes directly to supporting their mission.  How cool, huh?

I feel like there are a bunch of different lessons springing up with this topic.  Hopefully I will find a way to put them into words over the next few days.

beans + rice + entitlement

12 days of beans + rice. 

Well, I take that back, I had pizza at Sam's Club one of those days... not really on purpose, we ordered one slice per boy... who knew 4 slices equaled one pizza?  It just seemed wrong to throw the extra away.

I learned a few things over the last 12 days.  Some meaningful, others not so much.

• I am such a lazy breakfast person.  Like seriously.  Scrambling eggs felt like I was making a four course meal.  Opening yogurt or pouring cereal is SO much easier.
• I am not very good at making apple chips.  I'd say half a batch out of 3 batches was perfect, the rest were so-so.
• I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make wheat bread rise.  But the boys loved the homemade bread, even if it was a bit on the shorty-side.
• Peeling hard boiled eggs also seems to take a sweet forever.  Might have to try to crack that code.
• My sugar addiction is worse than I imagined.  I thought about sweets a lot.  Like a lot a lot.  
•  The combo of beans + rice and way-more-eggs than normal does not make one gassy like you would think.  TMI?  
• My guys are troopers.  Especially Brad.  Poor guy had a terrible sinus infection but stuck to the beans + rice diet.   Also, Lincoln & Franklin did their best to gag down some beans each night.
• Dinner prep is so simple when you make the same thing every day.  Grocery shopping is also quite delightful when you make the same thing for dinner every night.

To clarify, none of the above were the meaningful lessons.  Well, except for maybe the part about my guys.

I wish I could say that I was super convicted about the amount of food we throw away or about how much money we waste on groceries and eating out.  It would be easier to talk about that, than the real things that were uncovered.

First off, I am a super whiny-baby.  Poor Brad.  I am pretty sure I made a statement about wanting hot cocoa or that Almond Joy every single night.  He would just remind me that I signed up for this... I think he actually said, "you made a big-girl decision, now you need to stick with it like a big-girl."

Secondly, when I considered the whiny-baby-tendency coupled with all the excess that is available to me, I realized that deep down I felt like I was entitled to a little sweet each day.  After all, I was sticking to the plan.  Didn't I deserve a treat?  Oh middle class American and the things I think I deserve.  I'm currently reading a segment from Mended by Angie Smith each morning.  The other day I read "The Tyranny of Choice."  It summed up pretty well the place I find myself.

I've been convicted and overwhelmed over the nature of my humanity and the fickleness that is bred in entitlement.  It started a long, long time ago in a garden where God gave them what was good, but they didn't think it was good enough for them.  The first man and woman felt entitled to choose what they wanted even when He told them that choice was forbidden.  They didn't need it.  They weren't entitled to everything.  He had given them everything the needed.  He had given them Himself.... 

When you expect a choice in every situation, you need to pause and consider what is driving you.  Has God given you what you need?  Are you being overwhelmed by a drive to choose from a tree He has forbidden?...

I don't need a thousand choices in this life.  I need Him. 

I'm desperate for Him, actually.

 When you are tempted to feel overwhelmed by first-world problems and choices, whisper that word under your breath until you feel your bones ache with Truth.  Him. Him. Him.  He gave Himself.

There's no time to wonder about what else He could have given you.  Every bit of it is irrelevant in light of Him.  Live a life that loves Him back.  Choose well.  He is enough.

I'm humbled and bent low.  I knew I loved sugar, I didn't realize I felt entitled to it. 

I'm also reading two other books right now {I know that's a lot of books at one time! I'm taking my time with each of them, and I don't think its a mistake that they are overlapping.}  Orphan Justice and The Circle Maker.  I think it is fair to say I am a mess. It's uncomfortable.  Parts are just plain ugly.  I'm thankful for the pruning, because I know there is no growth without it.    I can honestly say I am done predicting what He is going to tell me in this.  I just want to lean in close and listen.

The other morning, I found myself in Nehemiah, and this verse resonated:

"When I heard these words, I sat down and wept and mourned for days; and I was fasting and praying before the God of heaven."  Nehemiah 1:4

I think there is much more pruning to come.

I'm so grateful for the other ladies doing this with me.  It's been a blessing and encouragement to hear how they are being challenged too.  There were a few times where my self-talk could pretty much convince me that "this whole thing is sort of dumb and silly."  Without fail, another lady in the group would share something meaningful and get my brains back on track.

Up next?  Clothing.  Oh boy.

about the food stuff

I told you about 7: an experimental mutiny against excess in the last post.

I told you a little about how awesome the ladies are that are in the book club. (From 3 countries and at least 10 states, cool huh?)

I told you a little about how I tend to listen to the Spirit and how I see Him shifting my listening skills to be more beneficial to our relationship.

I briefly said something about the food fast.  And added that I might come back to tell you more about it.  So here I am.

For my fast, I decided I would do 12 days out of our two-week allotment.  I talked with Brad about it and we really didn't feel it would be practical as a family to try to choose only 7 foods to eat for 12 days.  We also decided that it would be a pretty bad idea for me to fast completely from a meal a day (or any other version of the-real-deal-no-eating-fast).  We also agreed that it would be absurd for me to try to make two meals at dinner - one for me to include my 7 and one for them.  In full disclosure, at this point, I thought Brad would suggest I just eat dinner like we normally do, and I was fully prepared to agree to that suggestion.  Instead, we settled on eating beans + rice for dinner as a family for 12 days.  Our version of beans + rice has onions, green peppers, and smoked sausage... and we actually eat this meal once or twice a month.  So in a way, I was let off the 7 hook a bit.  (The boys and Brad get to eat normal breakfast and lunch.  And the three youngest will get passes on the beans + rice with from-the-pantry or from-the-fridge replacements).

So this is my 7 list:

• eggs
• apples
• green pepper
• whole wheat bread
• beans + rice
• milk
• coffee

Brad still thinks I shouldn't count milk + coffee; but because my beans + rice are rather luxurious I haven't added anything different.  At least not on purpose... I have eaten about 2 chips, 5 pieces of life cereal, and I added lettuce to my egg salad sandwich today - which had just a smidge of mayo to hold the egg together.

Day 1, found me in absolute shock over how often I walk through the kitchen and pop something in my mouth.  Like all day long.  And oh my the sweets.  I miss them.  So much.  I was prepared to blame my morning headache on lack of sugar; and was awaiting body shakes and cold sweats.  Instead I just day-dreamed. A lot.

Day 3, Brad brought home an Almond Joy candy bar for me.  He forgot.  But remembered as soon as he saw the look on my face when I saw it.  After the boys were in bed, I casually mentioned, "I sure would like to eat that Almond Joy."  You know why I said that to Brad?  Because I thought he'd give me permission to just go ahead and eat it.  He more or less ignored my statement though.  He's a good man.

Day 4, [yesterday] I had a dentist appointment.  If you know me a little bit, you might know that I am not a fan of the dentist.  I blame it on my childhood visits to the dental college in Flint and that dentist downtown Flushing that was "so cheap compared to everyone else" (and also creepy.)

So more or less, not a fan.  I usually break into a sweat - I compare the dentist's chair to a tanning bad - they need to be disinfected between use due to all the sweat.  Gross, but accurate.

Back to the point.  I recently got into the habit of buying myself a reward after the dentist.  Something like a donut or a hazelnut misto from Starbuck's.  Just a little something to brighten my day after all that sweating and fist-clenching.  I whined to Brad that I wasn't going to be able to buy myself a treat after my cleaning because of 7.  He didn't say much to this either.  He's a good man.

His silence left some space for the Holy Spirit though.

I was humbled by what I learned through this.  Its almost embarrassing to share it here, because it is SO OBVIOUS.

It is a privilege to have dental insurance.  I should know this because we didn't have it when I was growing up (hence dental college visits).  My husband works hard and pays a bit out of his paycheck so I can go to the dentist.  There is such a huge number of people that would LOVE that opportunity... a quick google search just told me that there are 100 million AMERICANS that cannot afford dental insurance.  I imagine in some parts of the world it is almost incomprehensible that we pay someone to clean our teeth.  We recently watched a clip on 60 minutes about the Africa Mercy Ships and the tumors they remove because of over-grown enamel - something that doesn't occur here because a dentist would spot it and take care of it before it had a chance to grow. 

And I usually complain about it.  Like every day between when I get the post-card-reminder and when I go.  I get all pouty about it even.  Like a five year old.

Worse yet, I buy myself a TREAT afterwards.  Like a five year old.

And even worse, when I find myself in a commitment that doesn't allow for a treat - I whine about it to my husband.  As well as gripe about it internally all morning before my appointment.

The fact that I complain about a privilege is sickening.  I was comfortable complaining about it every time too.  I didn't just complain once on a bad day.  Nope, it was my habit to complain about this privilege every single time.  Could I be more like the Israelites?  (cue Chandler Bing voice)

Thankfully the Lord is full of mercy and grace.  I pray that this lesson sticks.  I do not want to be a complainer.  I don't want to find portions of my days where I give myself a "pass" to complain about _____________ (fill in the blank).  I want to be grateful.

If eating eggs, apples, green pepper, bread, beans + rice, milk & coffee for 12 days makes me a more grateful Christ-follower.  So be it.

I was led to these three verses this morning.  Each one brought encouragement in a different way.  I hope you find a bit of encouragement too.

My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  

Psalm 73:26

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.  

psalm 73:28

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.  

I Corinthians 15:57

P.S.  a few of the awesome ladies from the group are also blogging.  You can check them out by clicking their names:

Dion

Jaren