a decade of motherhood

This morning I laid awake for a few minutes before mustering the energy to get out of bed. Last night I had fallen asleep quickly, but then I woke up and could. not. get. back. to. sleep.

So the first half of the night was long because I was trying to fall asleep without keeping the man awake.  I do a lot of my best praying during these awake-but-wish-to-be-asleep times.  Eventually, after revisiting my mental prayer list a few times, I did fall asleep.

Then Franklin woke up.  Screaming.  I am not sure how long that went on.  Longer than any of us hoped, that is for sure.  I was awake, but useless because I had just fallen asleep shortly before the screaming began.

This morning when my clock told me it was time to get up, I was slow moving.  I prayed about my mothering, before rolling out of bed.  I know these days that follow nights with little sleep are generally tough ones.

Sometime between rolling out of bed and pouring that first cup of coffee while the house was quiet, I thought back to 10 years ago today.  July 17, 2003, I drank a concoction of raspberry tea and castor oil.  While the initial aftermath was wretched, I am pretty sure I had forgotten about it by the time I went to bed that evening.  When I woke-up with stomach cramps, I thought it was the castor oil, but didn't think it was labor.  First-time pregnancy bliss!

  

(we put on a happy face for the camera)

 I didn't wake Brad because I was pretty sure the castor oil was only going to cause intestinal unpleasantness. {That was the warning in everything I read, but I tried it anyway.}  I quietly went into the nursery (where eventually that sweet baby never ever slept), and began reading some of the children's books we had neatly tucked into a basket. I prayed. I sang hymns. I acknowledged how scary this whole motherhood thing was that loomed before me.  I felt like I needed to get it right and yet knew nothing about how to do that.  I whispered dreams for this baby to the Author of all dreams.

(this photo tells the story a little more accurately)

 

Its funny how many times, ten years later; I still think those thoughts.  And pray those prayers.  And sing those hymns.  And whisper those dreams.  In the middle of the night.  In the quiet mornings.

I'm grateful that God always meets me in those places.  Ever faithful.  Always ready.

just do the next thing

Sometimes my mind overwhelms me.  I think over things I don't necessarily need to be thinking about... a lot of times, I pre-think.  Please tell me I am not the only one.  You know, you spend time thinking over something that you don't actually have to think about until later on down the road?  Super common, right?  (Right??)

I think some people would classify it as daydreaming.  Others might call it worry.

Here's how it went down recently for me.

Many of you have generously sent donations to fill up the clothing racks and fulfill the need for bags.  Also, during VBS the kids brought in toiletries throughout the week - enough to fill and overflow the shelves.

this is seriously only a portion of the toiletries.  and see all those various size diapers?  so awesome

I started thinking about what might be next.  Should there an off-site location to handle the overflow of donations?  Should we begin thinking about potentially starting something like Taylor's Closet?  or Our Big House?  The what's next pre-thinking thoughts begin to jumble up the what's now thoughts and before too long there's just a mangled mess of  worried-daydreams in my thinking space.  Gross.

This messy-mind is enough to plant my feet firmly in the muck of uncertainty.  When my feet get planted in uncertainty its hard to move.

But God says, "Sister, get over yourself.  Just do the next thing."  {paraphrase of Psalm 143:10}

So the next thing for now, is to share the list of supplies that we still need downtown. 

Remember, this supply closet is a place where caseworker's can grab what they need for kiddos that have come in to care.  In the scheme of things, its just a little something to help the difficult day go a little smoother.  If there are clothes in the appropriate size and toiletries available to help a child get washed up, it frees the caseworkers up to get to the work of finding a home for the child to go to.  

Items needed:

Girls' New Clothing

• newborn - filled
• 3-6 months - filled
• 6-9 months - filled
• 12 months - need 1 outfit
• 18 months - filled
• 24 months - filled
• 2T - need 3 outfits
• 3T - need 3 outfits
• 4T - need 3 outfits
• XS (4/5)- need 1 outfit
• S (6/7) - filled
• M  (8)- need 1 outfit
• L (10/12)- need 1 outfit
• XL & Juniors (size 14 and up) need a few outfits*
• need girls' socks all sizes

a peek at the clothes.  there are 4 more racks like this!

Boys' New Clothing

• newborn - filled
• 3-6 months - filled
• 6-9 months - filled
• 12 months - filled
• 18 months - need 1 outfit
• 24 months - filled
• 2T - need 1 outfit
• 3T - need 1 outfit
• 4T - need 1 outfit
• XS - filled
• S - filled
• M - filled
• L - need 1 outfit
• XL & Juniors, need a few outfits*
• need boys' underwear 2T, 3T, 4T, and XS, S

Another need is blankets.  Often times children spend quite a bit of time at the office while the caseworkers they to find a home for them.  As with most large buildings in the south, the AC is cold.  It would be nice for the kiddos to be comforted with a blanket during their wait.  The blanket would then become theirs to keep.  If you are crafter and want to make some, bring it!

* There are some larger clothing items in the storage closet, but most of it doesn't go together and the sizes are random.  Generally speaking, this size range is not needed as often.  Usually an older child will be able to dress and care for themselves - however, if an older child has come in to care and is in need of a change of clothes, etc, I would surely think they are keenly aware of it... which is why I desperately want to provide a few outfits there as well.  

If you have any questions ask here or on FB.  I'll be in touch!

five minute friday - present

I am doing the five-minute-friday thing again.I thought I would include the rules if you want to see them... its pretty simple!
 
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

See? Simple!

 

Present.  GO:

This morning when I went out for my run, I didn't turn on a playlist.  It was just me, my heavy breathing, that lady from runkeeper periodically telling me how fast to run, and my prayers.

I prayed for a friend that is pregnant, in the at-risk-years; and she's weary.  I prayed for renewed energy and confidence.  I prayed she would sense His presence.

I prayed for a job for Brad.  Not just one that pays the bills, but one that floods his heart and challenges him everyday to seek God's presence more. 

I prayed for a courtdate with a little baby in the middle, and all of the hearts that will be impacted for a lifetime by the decision today.  I only know to believe that God is present there.

I prayed for housing for friends, and upcoming moves, and challenges that might measure small to some but are big when they are right in front of you.

I felt his presence as I ran around my little bitty neighborhood streets.  I know He heard these prayers and that He interceded in ways that I didn't know how.  It is refreshing to run in His presence even in the heat and humidity here.

He is always present.  Sometimes I just ignore Him.  I hate that.  I hope He continues to draw me closer.

{so much that I want to go back and edit here.  But I am following the rules anyway}

out of the blue

I have just a little special moment to share with you. 

Maybe it struck me as so special because last summer was just so hard.  Lots of little illnesses, combined with a heart-wrenching trial, all while becoming a family of 6 but waiting for the courts to make it official.  Hard summer days.

So this summer has just held a whole lot of joy in the middle of little regular moments, like boys splashing in our tiny pool while I blow bubbles.  Special treasure.

This morning, though, I got a little extra treasure out of the blue.   As Wilson & Walker and I discussed what to pack for "Camp Barbie" we also talked about how many days they would be away. 

I told the them that I wasn't sure if they would be back on Tuesday or Wednesday.  Walker said, "Well, I hope it will be Thursday."  Wilson replied, "Thursday is my birthday."

Then Wilson adds the little extra nugget of treasure.

"And as fun as it would be to celebrate my birthday at Mrs. Barbie's house, I would like to have my little brothers there."

And I almost cried.  It is so fun to glimpse the beauty God creates.

I'm sharing this post today as part of a link up at Chasing Blue Skies.  Its a fun way to reflect on a little special blessing that God brings you right out of the blue!  You can join in here!

the things we carry

I posted this picture yesterday; with the little story about the elderly man that gave me the crosses.  He quietly approached our family at Subway and gestured to Linc and Frank and asked, "are these your boys?"  After nodding yes, he quickly asked if they were adopted, another nod yes, and with a bit of relief he told us that he was an adoptive father too.  Before leaving, he pulled these little crosses from his pocket for the boys, and told us that the wood was from Isreal (I think, I keep forgetting to fact-check this with Brad).

This will be added to the stories I carry with me.  

It got me thinking of another story that I've been carrying around with me.  I think its time to share it with y'all.  I don't think I ever told you about this unexpectedly difficult event while we were transitioning from a family of four to a family of six.

We were in the middle of the back-and-forth days.  I'd pick Lincoln & Franklin up from the foster parents' house after I dropped the bigs at school.  We'd spend the day at home practicing meals, and naps, and playing in the living room.  After dinner, we'd pack up and drive across town to take the boys back to the foster parents' house.  These were long, hard, exhausting days. 

Caught in the middle, with no clue how long it might last.

On one of these long days, I got a text from the foster momma to call our caseworker.  Great.

Our caseworker was hoping we could "stop by" and be on a panel for one of the foster-parent-training classes.  That night.  Super.

We were less than thrilled that we had been chosen to take this show on the road; we'd been in those classes, and we didn't feel like we were in a position to really offer anything.  We were still in a place where Lincoln and Franklin weren't always thrilled with us being the ones to offer comfort.  The idea of putting the transition on display for a bunch of hopeful future foster/adoptive parents made me a bit of a wreck.  But we were also caught in the middle, and didn't want to be contrary in any way that could possibly make this process take longer.

{Now that I am out of the middle, I don't really think saying "no" would've had an adverse impact on the process, but the thing is, when you are in the middle it feels like it all weighs heavy.}

After dinner, we did our best to make ourselves presentable.  Surely I put my crazy-end-of-the-day hair in a pony tail.  We wiped off four faces and combed hair quickly.  We made sure we had some of those Gerber fruit puffs in the diaper bag and agreed to let Wilson and Walker bring whatever gaming device they wanted.  Although, I do remember suggesting Wilson bring a book to read.  

Because, really, wouldn't that look better while we were on the panel?

On our way there we had to wait on a train crossing the street.  And then reversing back across the street.  And then pulling forward again.  I sent some texts to our caseworker to let her know we were going to be late.  She tried to suggest an alternate route, but we were not familiar with any of the other roads to get to the DFCS office.  I broke into a bit of a sweat.  I did not want to be a sweaty mess when we got there - which I think made me sweat all the more.

We finally made it and  walked in to a full room; 30-40ish people maybe.  Our seats were right up front facing the class.  I suggested Wilson and Walker sit off to the side where some chairs lined the wall - thinking if we could reduce the number in our show, then the presentation might be more polished.  Of course, some "do-gooder" quickly got up and dragged two more chairs right up front next to ours.  Thanks, man.

The caseworker introduced the entire panel.  Our family, an investigator, another caseworker, someone I don't remember, and...

...a boy that wanted a family.  

Oh my heart.

His parents' rights had been terminated, he had no family members to go to. 

Y'all.  I could not look down the line at him.  I think he was 11 or so.

At this moment, I was grateful that I had been so self-absorbed when we walked in that I didn't notice him sitting there. 

I could barely handle it.  

The caseworker graciously started with us so we could leave immediately following the question time.  The thing is, I don't remember the questions we were asked.  

All I can remember is that there was a little boy sitting on a panel in front of a room full of adults because he wanted a family.  I remember that I wondered about who was sitting with him, was someone holding his hand?  I think I tried to inaudibly whisper to Brad that I could not look down there.  

We weren't there long, the babies were fussing, it was late, and it was a school night.  When we got back to the van I was once again absorbed with the daily tasks during this middle place of transitioning.

But I carry this story with me.  It comes to mind more often than I can say.  The memory of the brave boy on the panel.  He is a reminder of so many others just like him that are waiting.  For a family to call their own.

Right now, I don't know what else I can do but share his story.  And pray.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."  Psalm 68:5-6

five minute friday : beautiful

I am taking a little bit of a departure here, I thought I should tell the four of you that read this thing on a regular basis.  I've decided to participate in a writing-prompt-party on Fridays.  It's only five minutes and anyone can join.  I thought it would be a fun way to get some words out there without thinking too terribly much about it.  I'm writing this introduction after I did my "five minutes" and I gotta admit, I am a bit of a sweaty mess after that timer starts - and maybe a teensy bit more so before linking up.  I think its good to stretch a bit though.  Feel free to check out the party here.





Five Minute Friday

BEAUTIFUL

I used to think the word beautiful applied to things like sunsets, and rainbows, and super models and artwork.  I thought "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" meant that it was something that changed from person to person.  But I don't think that anymore.  I think the beholder can train her eye to see beauty...  and pretty soon there are beautiful things all around.

A toddler hand on a mommy arm.  Boys that scramble to the door when daddy comes home.  Clouds racing across a bright blue sky.  Fresh fruit for picking.  Dream-sharing date nights.  A grandmother that repeats the same answer to grandpa over and over, with the same intonation each time; weary but not giving up.  Sisters laughing.  Brothers throwing crab-apples.   Squirt guns in baby fingers.  Ice cream cones dribbling down fingers, arms, shirts and pants.

STOP!

If you might be interested in joining in on the fun you can click right here to find out all of the details.  This is my second week doing it, and I will admit I am not nearly as sweaty as I was last week. ;)  TMI?

the slow business of becoming unflappable

Remember that word for the year?  The one that was almost embarrassing to admit.

You might be wondering how the move from flappable to unflappable is coming along.

It is coming along.

When you ask God for a word and a focus.  He gives it.  It might not be the word or focus you would've chosen.  When you ask Him to change you.  He does it.  Not all at once though.  The thing about being a believer in Jesus is that the Holy Spirit dwells in you.

[This might sound weird to those of you that don't know Jesus... and might make you skeptical because wouldn't all of us Christians be better at this Christian-thing if we had a HOLY Spirit living in us?  I get that.  The thing is our human nature still lives there too.  While Jesus gives us victory through the power of the Holy Spirit, we still need to ask for it.  And walk in it.]

So back to the flapping and the Holy Spirit.  Oh my.  The conviction over a shout-burst.  The instant recognition of my flappable ways has been profound.  And frequent.  I still find myself face-on-the-floor often over my mothering failures.  But I find grace too.  Reminders that face-on-the-floor is not a bad place to be.  He finds me right there and gives me courage to get back up and try again.  And again.

He has also reminded me to keep my eyes on my own paper.  You know how when you get pressed with something uncomfortable, its easier to look at others and say, "well, I am doing way better than...."?  You've done this, right?

God gave me a really wonderful visual reminder to look back on throughout this flappable-to-unflappable process.  In January, Wilson was on the honor roll and there was an assembly.  Brad wasn't able to attend so it was just Franklin + Lincoln + me.  I tend to break out in a sweat when going to a school gathering with the two of them.  Toddlers + sitting still for a long time; well, that's just not really a thing.  We got there on time and were able to get seats at the end of the row where the stroller could be parked easily and out of the way.  Victory!

There was another boy a little older than the twins running all over the gym.  He was more or less ignoring his momma.  Not too unusual really.  He turned around and his t-shirt shocked me, it read, "I may be small, but I run this sh*t."  I almost took a stealth photo of it to post on FB.  You know, so everyone could weigh in on how ridiculous this was.  I could see on the looks of other parents' faces that they were not impressed either.  Pretty soon our kids that were able to read were going to walk in and see this shirt.  Classy.  So I sat there in all my judgey-glory, internally condemning this mother and her lack of reason and inability to make appropriate choices.  I imagined what some of your responses would be to the FB photo post of this little dude that was running things.

And just like that.  It hit me in the face.

How many times a day do I make an appalling-parenting-choice?  How many things happen {maybe in the privacy of my own home} that would make a room full of other parents judge my lack of reason and my inability to make appropriate choices?  I think my cheeks flushed as I realized how my flappable-ness would make great FB fodder.  I knew God was telling me to "keep my eyes on my own paper."  Quit looking for others' faults so I could clearly see my own when the Spirit pointed them out.

Instead of posting I picture of that little guy, I posted this one::

But I haven't forgotten what I learned that day.  I think of that little boy's shirt all the time.  Of him running around and the way I judged his momma.  So not my place.  I have work to do in my own home.  Who am I to judge?



P.S. I started this draft awhile back and finally found the courage to finish it off.  God is good and I can see His work in our home, in my mothering.  But, oh, He has so much more work to do here.  Thank you for cheering me on along the way!

in between

So much of life happens in the in-between.  And there is such variety there too.

The vulnerable in-between moments of removing the swim cover and finding "cover" again in the pool.  Just moments, but so bare.

The in-between dragging days of a deployment and a redeployment.  The days that drag by and the guilt that hangs on the days when life really happens well.  The desperate wish to be together again throughout all those long in-between days.

Then there is the summer in-between days.  The best kind of in-between.  No worries, no hurries, just fun-filled days for the kiddos.  They learn to really live in the in-between, don't they.

The in-between jobs.  And in-between pant sizes.  In-between homes, straddling the past and the future in a hotel or someone else's home.

-stop-

So, wow, that is like the world's fastest five minutes ever.  Its my first time... well, actually I tried it once before but I forgot to turn the volume up on the desktop so I didn't hear the timer go off.  So this is my first real #fiveminutefriday.  Yikes!

Read more of the in between thoughts by checking out Lisa Jo's blog.  Click here!

outside

"Outside?"

"Outside?!"

"O U T S I D E !!!"

I hear this repeated daily.  x2.  The plea to go outside.  Franklin & Lincoln are always desperate to be outside.  Generally, I am happy to oblige.  Everyone is happier if we spend time outside.  Even if its pushing 90 with high humidity.

While home in Michigan, it was fun to see our little nephews clamoring to go outside too.  Breeze would fiddle with the door until he earned his freedom; and both Wesson & Brecken were thrilled to get outdoors too.  Branden even showed us a "trick" with Brecken... if he was fussing and Branden stepped towards the door to go outside, the fussing would let up... if he backed away from the door it started back up.  That little boy wanted O-U-T.

The light is brighter there.  The colors more vivid.  There is such a variety of textures to experience.  Sounds are layered upon one another from near and far.  All of the little guys knew there was much to be explored outside.

So we let them explore. 

We all start out as explorers, don't we? 

Like Lincoln and Franklin, we use to crave that outdoor time, didn't we?

Somewhere along the way most of us begin to prefer indoors to outdoors.  We like a comfortable climate.  We like to control our entertainment choices.  We like what the walls and doors keep out. We don't mind the view from the window, but its handy that we can block that off too; you know, for privacy and comfort.

Before you know it, we are all comfortable in our little houses.  Cradling our little devices, playing games or watching shows.  So far from the outside that we might even get sucked in to a program about the outside.

We stop exploring.  We settle for near and familiar and comfortable.

I don't want to settle.

I want to begin my days pleading with my Father for "outside!"  Out from the near and the familiar and the comfortable.  I want to explore this world at this time and all the beautiful people I share it with right now.  I want to be childlike in my desires for the brighter light and the vivid colors, for the varied textures and layered sounds.  

I want to be barefoot and walk through the grass, even if it means occasionally stepping on a rock (or worse).  I want to feel the breeze that moves the tree branches and marvel at its refreshment with my sons and neighbors.


This isn't a new song, but the album was new to us on our road trip, so we listened to it many times.  As I ponder this inside/outside issue, this song repeatedly pops into my head. 


The Outsiders by NEEDTOBREATHE.

seven

I've got a little bit of a love/hate thing going with these birthdays of yours, WJ.

Mostly because they're all... 

--b l i n k --

and then

BOOM!!

I mean, for real, with the whitewater rafting?  You couldn't even pretend to be a little bit scared so momma could've busted out some of my baby-Walker-soothing-techniques?  Daddy said you were "fearless."  And I think that word sums you up quite well, son.  I am so incredibly proud of you.  Six was such a super year for you.  You continue to light up the hallways at school and I have yet to meet someone that works there that doesn't adore you.

You do your own thing.  And you do it well.  You know what you like, you know what you dislike - but you are usually willing to give new things a try before deciding.  THAT is an awesome trait.

You are cute, you are smart, you have an incredible sense of humor, but most importantly you love well.  You always reassure me that you love me.  I don't think there is a day that goes by without you telling me so.  I treasure it each time...even if you don't really know that I do. You bravely prayed some prayers during this past year.  When I asked you to, you would pray "that momma wouldn't lose her temper,"  and sometimes you even prayed it when I didn't ask.  I love to see you stepping into your relationship with Jesus on your own - asking Him about things that matter to you because you know He hears each time.

Believe it or not.  You teach me.  So much.  I am looking forward to seeing what lessons I'll learn with you during the year of seven.

I hope you'll keep dancing in Kids' World worship even as more of your classmates decide they don't want to anymore.  I pray you'll rock 2nd grade just as hard as you did 1st grade.  I trust you'll become an even more awesome big brother this year (although, man, you totally owned that role this year!)  I expect that you will begin to grasp more and more just how deeply God loves you and begin glimpsing the goodness of the plans He has for you.  They are good and they are just for you.  No one can do what God has planned for you - except YOU!  Remember:

God created you exactly the way He intended to Walker J.  You are delight to Him and to all that know you (even Wilson although he may not admit that for a few years [or decades, maybe])

Happy Birthday Walker J!  Daddy and I are so proud of you!

a little part of something big

You know we sponsor a child through Compassion International, right?

I really think its some of the best money we spend monthly.  We got a letter from Junior this week.  Its the first one we've gotten from him since he has seen the twins (we wanted to wait until it was officially official and finally final before we tried to explain it all to him.)  We sent him a picture sometime after Christmas and told him the story of our newest family members.  In his letter he said, "I love the twins.  They look alike!"  I'm just giddy over it.  We all get a kick out of his notes to us.  We wrote him back this week.  Below is a picture of what Wilson and Walker wrote to him.  Walker wrote a verse on the cut out of his hand, and Wilson chose a proverb to write and illustrate.  They did this on their own with just a nudge of encouragement.  ;)

One of my favorite things about sponsoring through Compassion is their transparency.  They recently participated in an independent study on child sponsorship programs and the results are incredible.  You can read more about it here.... an especially good read if you are skeptical about the benefit of sponsorship programs.

They also do Compassion Blogger trips which allow bloggers to come visit development centers and share their experiences.  There is a blogger trip ongoing in Nicaragua right now.  I cannot read a post about someone meeting their sponsored child and not cry.  Every. Single. Time.  I do sincerely hope that we will one day meet Junior.  God knows this.

You can read the bloggers posts here. Compassion Bloggers featured posts.

And I strongly, strongly, strongly encourage you to read this one today. "I've seen Best Again."  I think it really captures the beauty of sponsorship and the gift it gives to families across the world.

 You wanna be a little part of something big?  Click below to find out more!

my arm is not that long

More lessons from the road trip.

We made a HUGE mistake by packing a little bin of toys for the youngest two - in their line of sight for the car trip.  Lincoln and Franklin would take turns requesting a toy from the bin.  I would grab what they asked for and hand it to them.  Then the toy would inevitably drop (or be thrown?) and wailing would ensue, followed by dramatic, frantic, repetitive requests for the dropped item.  I would then have to twist my body around into all sorts of fantastic contortions to try and find the dropped item.  Patting the floor with my hand in places where my eyes couldn't reach.  This was all kinds of fun.  There were a few times that I couldn't reach the item no matter how much stretching & twisting I did.  I would have to say, "I'm sorry but Mommy can't reach it."  Cue more emphatic wailing.  Awesome, I tell you.  This little scenario played out at least 67 times the first two days on the road.  By day three, we were smart enough to pack that bin in the back of the van.  Genuis!

On the way home there was a similar bit of this scenario cropping up.  We streamlined the number of Lincoln & Franklin items up front, but we had to keep the monsters and blankets - they are critical for sleeping.

See? Absolutely critical.

Of course, when its not sleepy-time its thrash-those-blankets-around-time.  I finally just started replying to the wailing with "My arm is not that long."  No more twisting or contorting - just fact.  My arm is not that long. Who can argue with that?

After issuing this statement a few times, I settled in to the front seat feeling rather proud of my declaration of arm length.  Watching the fields whirl past, listening to my favorite music, just grateful to be rolling along with my guys - a thought took shape.  I remembered that time in the Bible when God made a declaration about the length of His arm.

"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear." -Isaiah 59:1

I love this declarative statement of fact.  Who can argue with that?  

Unlike my arm that couldn't reach the toys that had been tossed around, nothing is out of God's reach.  Furthermore, He never 'accidentally' puts things in our view and then gets frustrated because we keep asking for them/throwing them/dropping them etc.  He makes no mistakes.  He doesn't dangle things in front of us only to make us squirm.  He would love if we would boldly ask for His help.  Often.  Not unlike Lincoln and Franklin - repeatedly and with expectation.  His arm is not too short.  Ever.

things we've learned

It's day two of our road trip. I'm sitting on the floor of the laundry room of our hotel. There's a random chunk of leather belt and a few discarded dryer sheets kicking it with me. Brad's in the room convincing four boys that now is a great time to sleep. I'm not sure who has the better deal at the moment. Thought I'd use some of the dryer-cycle-time to tell you some of the things we've learned thus far. 

1- if Lincoln sucks air in and out of an empty juice box rapidly for a minute (or two?), he's going to get an upset stomach.

2- if you get back on the road after juice box incident (see #1), and Lincoln repeatedly says, "Ima fro up", he means it.

3- you can never pack too many changes of clothes for toddlers 

4- Franklin has a mild case of claustrophobia, he did not want to walk under any rock formations (or next to tall ones) at Rock City

5- the upside of misty rain while visiting Lookout mountain is that you really understand the phrase "the battle above the clouds" 

6- Walker has a daily photo limit, once reached he will opt out of all family photos; if he is forced in, you'll know it

7- Ruby Falls is a one hour (+) walking tour underground; Lincoln and Franklin were polar opposites.  I carried Franklin (see #4), Lincoln however would have preferred free reign of the cave and wanted nothing to do with holding hands or waiting for people ahead of us. He let his preference for freedom be known through much wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

8- I can't get over the preciousness of the boys sharing beds; Wilson + Lincoln and Walker + Franklin. Nobody fell out of bed last night and I'm hopeful for an equally successful night tonight. Wilson did get crowded out and ended up switching sides with Lincoln last night :)

9- We had some diaper leakage today - see #3

10- I've already laughed so hard that I nearly cried more times than I can remember. I think it bodes well for the rest of the trip. 

Lincoln's face in this picture pretty much captures his entire Ruby Falls experience. 

the hair dryer

This motherhood thing is a challenge.  Just when you think you are getting a part figured out, your kids grow and there are new parts.  The learning curve tends to fall heavily on the firstborn.  God bless him.

He's not a fan of me taking his picture, and really dislikes it when I post pictures... although, if I tell him "your grandparents" will want to see this, he usually relents.  But with that look on his face.  I see that look more and more.  I recognize it.  I think I could've won medals for giving that look so frequently and effortlessly.

Last night, I watched Frankie Heck burst into tears at Axel's graduation and I could've jumped right in the screen with her.

It all happens so fast.

I know Wil isn't graduating yet (thank you Jesus!), but he is just growing so much.  And so often this mother heart wonders if I haven't just messed it all up for him.  There's this crazy part that thinks somehow my mistakes will surpass God's grace, you know?

But God is good.  And in His goodness, He gives these little gifts.

The one I am savoring right now involves my hair dryer.  And the boy that wants to grow his hair out.

We've decided its OK for him to grow his hair out.  We would love if he actually cared what it looks like when he leaves the house.  Maybe that will happen one day?  We've threatened to cut it if he doesn't start combing it BEFORE we tell him too.  The loophole here is that he gets it wet, and combs 25% of it.  Its still a mess but obvious that he made an effort... be it a really small effort.  The hair.  [I can't help but wonder if these hair-hassles might be some sort of preparation for a girl to join our ranks.]  Its an ongoing thing.  And fairly annoying.

Maybe it was the night before the baby dedication?  I don't remember for sure.  I decided to blow dry Wil's hair before bed.  All the way.  The next morning, it still looked good.

So for the last week or so, Wil and I have a few moments for me to run my fingers through his hair and wave a hair dryer at his head.  We made a little hand gesture for him to use so I can give him a cool shot if it gets too hot.  We don't talk, I turn him around this way and that.

I marvel at how big he is.  I wonder at how this once tiny head that I cradled in my hands is so full of this hair.
And ideas.
And dreams.

God has given me these moments with him and my hair dryer.  They are treasure.

Oh the things we mothers carry close in our hearts. 

p.s. yes, I did get carried away with picmonkey when editing the photo. ;)  I imagine Wilson will quickly greet this post with that look.  God bless him.

seven bones

Which is slightly more humorous than seven dollars.  Right?

Which is how much we made at our "garage sale" this weekend. 

And the thing is, I am not really disappointed.  I don't feel like we wasted time.  We did waste a bit of poster board that didn't survive the rain, but other than that we're good.

You may or may not know that we are hoping to buy shoes for our foster care office with the money from our sale.  We are almost completely stocked {at the time of typing; this changes often due to kiddos coming in to care any day of the week}, in regard to clothing. 

When I was in the office last week, the caseworker told me that they had TWO sets of SEVEN kiddos come in to care the Friday prior.  14 kids on the same day.  One child had no shoes whatsoever.  Thankfully, they found a pair of flip-flops that worked.  I knew then that we would use our "garage sale" money for shoes. {There are currently 16 pairs of shoes total - for ALL ages/genders - oh, and 6 pair are women's size 9 or larger.}

We made seven bones.  You can't buy a whole lotta shoes for that... not even kids shoes.

But here's the thing.  Its in God's hands, oh and by the way, He has a ridiculous track record with us + garage sales.

Our first sale in Oklahoma we paid to advertise in the "wrong paper."  I had more baby boy clothes to sell than Babies R Us.  I was 7 months pregnant and desperate, because we had no space for-all-the-bins-of-clothes.  Pretty sure I saved every. single. piece. of clothing Wilson ever wore.  Sure, I was pregnant with baby boy #2 and due in the same season even - but nearly three years of clothing just don't fit as well in a rental house as they do in your parents' basement.  We paid for our ad so after subtracting that we made $4 at that sale.  We had a woman interested in buying our bedding set for $10 so I had set it aside for her... she never came back.  There was some marital tension over that decision.  I looked into selling it on eBay - people did that back then.  Brad took pictures and listed it.  Our five year old bedding set from Target sold for over $180. 

One of our sales here, we had hoped to make enough money to buy Wilson a cub scout uniform.  {Nobody tells you those babies are outrageously expensive when you sign your boy up!}  We didn't sell much at the sale.  We might have had enough for a shirt.  We looked on eBay for used Cub Scout uniforms.  We had a stack of old DVD's leftover from the sale.  Unbelievable that nobody bought them for the hot price of 3/$1.  We figured we could try to sell them on eBay.  Brad sorted them into sets - high-demand sets really - Dora, Bob the Builder, Backyardigans, ScoobyDoo.  The good stuff, people.  I can't remember the dollar amount exactly but we more than quadrupled what we would've made had we sold them at our sale and there was enough scratch for every piece of that uniform.  And money left over for our pockets.

You can't never always sometimes tell.

That's a phrase I am borrowing from The Circle Maker.  {If you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?}  Basically, you can't predict what God is going to do.  Ever.

We are going to try and sell our wares again on Saturday this week.  I don't know if we'll make a ton of money or if we'll be lucky to make seven dollars again.  The thing is, I am trusting God with it; and I am guessing there's going to be a surprise in it.  I'll keep you posted.

You might not be having a garage sale.  Or maybe you just did and you sold hundreds of dollars worth of your junk.  No matter.  The point is, at some point in your life God has surprised you, I bet.  Its fun to go back and remember how He did.  Especially if you are waiting on something now. 

Take a moment and think of a "you can't never always sometimes tell" memory in your life.  Praying that moment is a special blessing to you today.

satisfied

I'm still whirling around a bit as I "unpack" from Summit 9. As I look back over my notes & hand-outs, I am flooded over with such a sense of satisfaction. The kind you get from eating just-the-right amount of your very-most-favorite foods - not the satisfaction from seeing a car get pulled-over that recently sped past you on the highway. Filled-up, content, satisfaction. That.

I should back up a little though. There might be a couple of you that aren't really sure what Summit 9 is or why we went.

The Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) was started to bring a sense of unity to the adoption/orphan care world - rather than a bunch of churches/organizations doing their own thing their own way, there was a desire to come together toward the common goal.

"The Christian Alliance for Orphans unites more than 100 respected Christian organizations and a national network of churches.  Working together, our joint initiatives inspire, equip and connect Christians to reflect God’s heart in caring for orphans in adoption, foster care and global orphan care initiatives." [from CAFO homepage]

They decided to "leave logos and egos at the door." The first Summit had 39 people in attendance. This year there were over 2500!

You might remember that I wasn't sure if we were the right fit for Summit 9. After all, our church doesn't have an orphan care ministry and we don't work for any orphan care organizations either. Aaand we didn't win a free registration.

But God. He always leads well when you are listening, and we were and He did. Brad and I had a sense that we should go, and we had an honest-to-goodness offer from Barbie to watch all four boys for us. We started looking at breakout sessions and considering which might be most beneficial. We were leaning toward the sessions that helped with starting an orphan care ministry within your church. We weren't sent by our church. We hadn't even discussed it church leadership. It just made sense to us even if it didn't really make sense at all.

You see, through our own adoption journey we learned a lot about the foster care system. While feeling like we were "fighting the system" to get to finalization; the reality is that "the system" is understaffed and overwhelmed. There aren't enough caseworkers for all of the cases and their are never enough foster parent homes. Not only are caseworkers carrying more cases than is desirable - the cases are rarely clear cut and often heavy. Add to that heavy, complicated caseload the pressure to find a local foster home when there are none. This, to us, is a place where the Church can step in and love well. And the time is now.  It will likely be messy.

As you know, we've already collected over 40 bags for our local foster care office's supply closet. The caseworkers can grab a bag for each child that comes in to care and get rid of their trash bags. You know, it's the caseworkers that hate to see children carrying belongings in trash bags? They requested bags for their children. We've also collected more outfits than I can count so there are items for kiddos to wear if they need something when they come in to care. A caseworker won't have to run out to Wal-mart hoping to find a suitable outfit for a child in the midst of crisis. A couple posts on Facebook and these needs are fulfilled. I can only imagine what could happen if our churches were organized to help in this way.

After going to Summit 9, I don't have to imagine as much.   We got a glorious glimpse into all the ways God is working in the adoption/orphan care movement.  It was refreshing just to see the number of people, churches, organizations gathered around this central focus. 

I will probably blog a bit more about some of the individual highlights we experienced.  For now, just know we were reassured over and over again that we were right where we were supposed to be.

Summit 9 - day one

[The following post was written the first night of Summit 9 in our hotel room.  The wifi in our room was sketchy at best, so I am just now posting this tonight. In its original state.]

Oh my word.

I cannot even begin to process all that I have taken in. I'm the-best-kind-of-worn-out tonight, and thrilled that we get to go do it all over again tomorrow. It is encouraging to hear stories of where God is at work and how the church is jumping in to join His work. My heart is full.

The last session ended with Steven Curtis Chapman encouraging and challenging the audience about This Story we are all a part of. One song called, "When Love Takes You In," had a video with adoptive families and gotcha day clips. As I watched and listened, I remembered.



I remembered that nervous drive across town to their foster home. I remembered how nervous I was to walk up that sidewalk, how my throat felt thick and my heart pounded fast after Brad knocked - and we heard squeals from the other side of that door. My heart - and our family - has never been the same.

When the door opened, we saw those faces. Quite honestly, they looked at us with a little fear and a lot of uncertainty. Brad and I got low on the floor and picked up baby toys, hoping to create some interest. There was no magic, the twins didn't suddenly clamor over one another to get to us, but it was glorious. Their foster momma just rambled on about everything and nothing and we drank it all in. I don't think I've ever been more aware of God's glory in a room than in those moments.

I can close my eyes and I'm there all over again.

And I still can't believe that God chose our family to receive such lavish blessing. How deep the Father's love for us!

I hope to be able to form thoughtful sentences about the information we are gathering here and be able to share it with you soon. For now I'm just reflecting on His goodness.

orphan justice

you might remember me mentioning the book Orphan Justice : How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting in this post?

I finally finished reading it and I wanted to encourage YOU to read it.

It is just that good.

I struggle to find the right way to encourage you to read it, because I am desperate for you to read it.

If I'm being honest, I used to think adoption was for people that:

• a) had infertility issues, 
• b) were specially gifted to manage the task of parenting a child from a hard place, or 
• c) were wealthy and could drop $40,000 on the expenses easily.  

That was it.  Neither a, b, or c applied  to me and I didn't relate to the people that they did apply to.  When it came to "orphan care" I thought it was limited to adoption or nothing.  Now that I am an adoptive parent, I can see clearly how skewed my generalization of adoption was.  I wonder if there aren't a few others out there like me.

One of the great things about Orphan Justice is that Johnny Carr starts out with a humble acknowledgement that he is writing from a place of brokenness and not accusation.  He states,

My desire is to share with you what the Lord has taught me, starting with this truth: We can't say we love orphans while failing to address the social ills that directly affect their lives.

Carr breaks down orphan care into ten chapters - each one highlighting a specific area that impacts the orphan population.  It starts with True Religion: Orphans and my Family and ends with This is War: Orphans and Spiritual Warfare.  He weaves his own personal story throughout each chapter in a disarming and incredibly relate-able way.

Each chapter ends with a section called "What You Can Do."  Carr breaks down various action steps to get involved with orphan care.  He writes the action steps in a way that allows ANYONE to participate and then narrows it down to something MANY can do and ends with some action steps that A FEW can do.  By breaking it down this way, each reader has an opportunity to find an action step that they can take right now.  This, to me, is genius.

I told you before that this book totally lit Brad's heart on fire.  He emailed our former caseworker almost immediately to see how we could help.  Friends have jumped on board to give clothing, bags, finances to help fill the supply room for our local foster care office.  I feel like I have barely asked for people to give.  The donations just. keep. coming.  Its amazing.

This response tells me that Christians want to help and God is moving.   There are open hearts that are eager to be a part of orphan care, ready to participate when needs are known.  This book helps make those needs known in an encouraging and tangible way.

If you end up reading please, please, please tell me what you think.  

Also, there are a lot of other resources to go along with the book here.

social media for good

During the media chapter of 7, I had a sense of refreshment...which surprised me. I already mentioned that I didn't find myself more productive necessarily, but noticeably more clear-headed. I wondered if perhaps I should just stay disconnected altogether. I mean, who doesn't want to feel clear-headed and refreshed?

But I got a couple packages in the mail. I also got a phone call and some texts about clothing for the foster care office. These are concrete, hold-in-my-hands, reminders of the good that can be accomplished through social media.  {Picture proof :: donations we received in the last two weeks.}

Of course, there are plenty of not-so-concrete examples too - rallying prayers for a tiny baby to survive, shared praise over plane tickets (finally) being purchased so adoptive parents can go get their children, tears of joy while looking over redeployment photos, even just a "I really needed to read this today".  These things matter.  Deeply.

The way I conduct myself online matters - just as much as how I conduct myself in person. The way I read my friends' words should mirror our conversations over a cup of coffee. I think its critical for me not to "read into" the words on the screen, you know?  The time away reminded me to be careful; but also encouraged me to keep using it for good.

What are some of your favorite things in regard to social media?

p.s. in case you are interested, here's an updated list of needs for the foster care supply closet.  I am totally humbled & amazed by the amount of support that has been shown!

GIRLS

• 1 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 2 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 3 -  2 -  2T
• 3 -  2 - 3T
• 2 - 4T
• 2 -  1 - XS (4/5)
• 2 - S (6/7)
• 2 - 1 - M (8/10)
• 2 - 1 - L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

BOYS

• 2 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 1 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 12 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 2 -  1 - 2T
• 3 -  2 - 4T
• 2 -  1- L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

7 :: the media chapter

If I could sum up this 12 day fast with one word, I think I would choose "refreshment."  Weird, huh?  And not at all what I expected.  I honestly thought "media" would be the hardest thing for me...mainly social media.. mainly because my social life is limited in this season.  So I thought I would really "miss out" on the interaction.  But I did not.

Let me back up and tell you how I framed my "media fast."  I omitted Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.  I allowed myself instagram, not exactly sure why I made that one "ok" but I did, and I don't regret it.  I decided to not turn on the TV in the morning even though we have a habit of morning snuggles while waiting for the local weather on GMA from 7:00-7:20am.  I also decided to not to turn on the TV or watch TV if I was the only one in the room. The fam opted out on this fast and it was ok.  A few nights, however, Brad and I just decided to read instead of watching junk TV and I think that is a habit that we might continue.

So that is what I did.

I hit a snag one day via instagram, when I tried to enter a sseko contest that was being held on FB.  I schemed a way for Brad to help me enter and then realized that it was much too complicated for it to go down that way.  I haven't yet checked to see what the actual rules are on the contest, maybe there's still time! {fingers crossed!}

So my overall impression was that I felt refreshed being off of social media and reading more.

  I didn't turn in to a crazy, productive person around the house - although I did make some awesome sugar cookies even without pinterest. 

There were other subtle but meaningful things I noticed as well.  I worked with Wilson on a school project, I try hard to be hands-off on projects so that I don't take it over.  I colored some cardboard brown for him and helped him turn his fish into 3D instead of one sided.  He told me "thank you for working on my project with me mom."  I realized that I might have just been reading twitter feeds, or FB statuses, or perusing pinterest for craft ideas if I weren't on this fast.  I also learned that it is possible to work with him and not for him. 

Another thing I noticed is that I seem to yell less.  I hate to admit that publicly, but its so true that it would be a shame to not share it.  This falls right into my word for the year - unflappable.  I realized sometime around when Lent started that there was a connection to when I yelled and that I was often holding my phone or iPad reading something via FB or twitter.  I would say, "let me read this real quick " or "hold on a second."  And inevitably when Lincoln or Franklin asked me for the 17th time to fix the door on the bus I would yell "enough already, I fixed it 16 times, rant, rant, rant..."  Gross.  So for the remainder of Lent I decided to take FB off of my phone & ipad, and only check it from the PC - usually once a day.  I haven't put it back on my phone and probably won't.  I noticed during this fast that I yelled less frequently and the flapping was less likely - probably because I was less distracted.

I'm still thinking over why I felt such refreshment being off of social media.  I am a thinker.  I like to think about things.  My strengths-finder test even said so --it also said it doesn't actually matter what the topic is, just that I think a lot -- so not necessarily a smart thinker.  Honestly, I think that is part of my issue with social media.  I'll see something on FB and then think about it off and on throughout the day.  This isn't always a bad thing, but more times than not I tend to stew over things... and not even necessarily things that impact my actual relationships. 

I tried to think of an example to share so you could get an inside glimpse to my thinking-thinker-brain but I don't want to make anyone feel like I am referring to a post they made in the past. The main impression I am getting is that it is my responsibility to reign in the thinking-thoughts when they begin to invade my day.  It'll start by adjusting some settings, and probably unfollowing some twitter peeps (I don't interact much on twitter but read a lot of links via various authors, speakers, and pastors).  I also sense an urgency to pray before checking up on my media and to pray when I feel the thinking-thoughts-tension coming - right then, not later. 

I think it is also critical to give myself space for creativity.  I can load up my limited "free time" with twitter and pinterest and facebook and often walk away with nothing to show for it.  I made this printable from a verse that really resonated with me after our Pastor preached from this passage a week ago.

I love making little printables like this.  It actually energizes me to be creative, but only if I allow myself the time and space for it.

One of the things I really liked about Jen Hatmaker's take on media in 7 is that there is a balance to be found.  Sure, sometimes its easier to just abstain than try and make reasonable boundaries for participation.  Here's a portion of what she wrote in the companion guide to 7:

In Corinthians, Paul wrote: "Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful.  Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up."  (1 Cor. 10:23)  I can no more decide what this looks like for you than figure out my apple TV.  This is no place to compare and judge.  We assess beauty and struggle and creativity and stories differently.  Some messages roll of you like Teflon, but they lodge in my thoughts for days.  Others don't affect me in the slightest, but they plant ideas in your head you can't shake.  And still others are probably a bad idea for all of us.  Just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

Once again.  It boils down to the heart.  Asking God to guide your boundary making will always bring good results. 

I am hoping to write a post tomorrow (?!?) about one of the awesome benefits of social media.  If time allows. ;)

7 :: the possessions chapter

This chapter was a tricky one for me.  So much so, that I felt prompted to make a totally awesome vlog for the book club members.  Or totally dorky, depending on who you ask. ;)

I hit a couple of barriers with wrong-thinking.  I can see now that the wrong-thinking was bleed over from other areas.  As Brad and I keep opening our hearts wider to what God has in store for our family, my brain starts to circle around old, familiar lies - you know the ones that accuse or discredit or stall.  Somehow, I was on a not-quite-good-enough-streak which even carried over to my thoughts about what possessions I could donate.  God carefully helped me identify those lies, but it was slow-going there in the midst of these 12 days. 

I have a lot of stuff to get rid of or pass along.  I came to peace with the conclusion that it won't all be gone at the end of my 12 days (today).  Part of it will be combined with the used clothing from the foster care office for a garage sale in a few weeks.  We'll then use those proceeds to buy more outfits to stock the donation room.  I sent an email to a local organization to see if they could use some crafty-supplies.  I'm also going to see if any of my fabric scraps will be useful for Sole Hope.  I might even host a shoe-cutting party. 

Once God brought me to the other side of the wrong-thinking, He was able to lead me toward the right places.  It is so critical to capture those wrong thoughts.  The verse I am memorizing right now helps:

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ," 2 Corinthians 10:5

 I also want to leave you with a quote from 7.  It is really the heart of the possessions chapter and I think regardless of which tax bracket you fall into, these are important things for ALL of us as North American Christians to consider.

We top the global food chain through no fault or credit of our own.  I've asked God a billion times why I have so much while others have so little.  Why do my kids get full bellies?  Why does water flow freely from my faucets?  Why do we get to go to the doctor when we are sick?  There is no easy answer.  The why definitely matters, but so does the what.  What do we do with our riches?  What do we do with our privileges? What should we keep?  What should we share?  I better address this inequality since Jesus clearly identified the poor as His brothers and sisters and my neighbor.  What if we tried together?  What if a bunch of Christians wrote a new story becoming consumers the earth is groaning for?  I suspect we'd find that elusive contentment, storing up treasures like Jesus told us to.  I'm betting our stuff would lose its grip and we'd discover riches contained in a simpler life, a communal responsibility.  Money is the most frequent theme in Scripture; perhaps the secret to happiness is right under our noses.  Maybe we don't recognize satisfaction because it is disguised as radical generosity, a strange misnomer in a consumer culture. (italics are Jen Hatmaker's, the bold is mine).

I am repeatedly blown away by the blessings I am getting from going through this book with the book club {of awesome people}.   The creative ways in which God is driving home the lessons for each lady/family is just beautiful.  I am thankful that we are trying together!

pray for your pastor

Did you read this post by Beth Moore?  I retweeted it and I posted it on FB.  I think its worth reading if you are a Jesus Follower. 

It resonated with me so deeply and, of course, Beth Moore is going to write it better than I ever could. 

After Brad told me about Rick Warren's son on Saturday I cried a little (of course).  I prayed for their family as I made dinner.  Sometime later in the evening I told Brad, "if one person posts something hateful on FB about this, I swear I'm gonna quit facebook.  I'm quitting it for good." 

Maybe you've noticed there can be a whole lotta snark up in there on the FB?  It greatly affects me when the latest "controversy" gets everyone fired up.  I'm a feeler.  I get all twisted up in my gut when hateful things are posted and the arguments that erupt in the comments.  Gah.  And these are on my Christian friends' pages.  Double Gah.  

I try to keep FB "friends" down to actual friends and/or family members... people I would share a meal with if the opportunity arises.  Even still, there is diversity in my friends' list and there are just days that I don't spend much time there because there can be some downright ugliness.  I hate that part of FB.

 I feared that some idiot somewhere would write an awful, accusatory post about the Warrens and I was worried that one of my "friends" would share it.  And then I was gonna quit.  Thankfully that hasn't happened.  All day today I have been thinking about this Facebook-hatefulness-phenomena and it occured to me that it really isn't new, its just more obvious. 

I think about Pastor Rick Warren and his family, of quietly caring for a child with mental illness while also carrying on the work that Lord has called him to; then publicly asking for prayer in their deepest time of grief.  I think of the words that Beth Moore wrote about Christians hating-on one another and I can't help but think about all of the pastors and their families out there. (Shout out to Pastor Dan in ND!)

They need our prayers.  Desperately. 

One of my favorite things about our church is the Pastor's Prayer Partners ministry (P3).  Our Pastor started it some time ago and as he celebrated his 30th anniversary at our church yesterday, his only real regret is that he didn't start P3 sooner.  I've often remarked to Brad that I think the American Church would be unstoppable if every congregation prayed earnestly for their pastor.

Brad grew up a pastor's son.  I don't think its my place to share his family's personal stories of hurt via congregants; but I will tell you that Brad nodded emphatically the first time we heard pastor talk about P3.  He gave some examples of things a pastor might hear:

• you don't dress you/your family well enough
• you spend too much money on the clothes you/your family wears
• we pay you all that money and you drive a clunker
• we must pay you too much if you can afford such a nice car
• you shouldn't preach so much about -----------
• you should preach more about ----------------- 

Absurd, right?

Our Pastor wrote a book called Pray for your Pastor and he included some statistics in the first chapter...

•  1500 pastors in America leave the ministry every month due to moral failure, burnout, or trouble in the church.
• Of pastors and their wives, 82% are discouraged in the work because they are told daily of someone who is displeased with them.
• 97% of all pastors have been betrayed, falsely accused, or hurt by their trusted friends.  And as a result, 78% do not have a close friend.
• Of all pastors' children, 80% have a low trust of people within the church.

Here's a quote from the end of that chapter:

Ministry is an undeniable calling on the life of a person.  A person who is called to ministry knows it because they are unable to do anything else with success.  A person doesn't choose ministry, ministry chooses a person.  It is that fact alone that makes the life of a pastor a difficult one.  Pastors are imperfect people, who need the grace of God and men.  Sometimes we forget that.  We forget that pastors don't walk on water, they walk beside it.  When a congregation forgets to protect their pastor with prayer, that pastor is more vulnerable to Satan's attacks.  If everything rises and falls on leadership, it is clear why the devil attacks the pastor and his family the most in the church.  Jesus taught in Matthew 26:31 that if you strike down the shepherd, the sheep will scatter.  Jesus uses this metaphor often in the Bible to describe the people and their leader.  He often described people with no leader as "sheep without a shepherd" (Matt. 9:36). The devil will target a pastor not only because he wants to damage a ministry, but because he seeks to destroy the people under that ministry.  Your pastor will be satan's top priority, and that is why praying for him daily must be your congregation's top priority as well.

I wonder what it was like for pastor to stand before the church the first time he introduced P3.  I wonder if his critics were uncomfortable.  I wonder what kind of fury was happening in the heavenly places that day.

I can't tell you what a blessing it is to pray for our pastor daily.  I can tell you, though, that you will experience those blessings if you begin praying daily for your pastor. 

If you don't know specifically what to pray, then pray this:  Ask God to protect your pastor physically, morally, mentally, and spiritually.  I pray this for our pastor and his wife, for each of their sons and their daughter-in-law's and their GRANDangels as well.  I pray for their marriages to be strong and well protected.  I pray that their communication with one another is open, honest, and easy. 

I urge you to pray for your pastor.  Use your words carefully and your prayers powerfully. If you might be interested in our pastor's book, you can click here.  Maybe you will even be moved to begin a P3 ministry at your church!  THAT would be awesome!  

*p.s. our church is classified as a mega-church, our pastor has no idea I am writing this and I am receiving nothing for linking to the book.  I just wholeheartedly believe in this ministry of praying for our pastors; I truly believe it is crucial for a church's health and growth.

give a little bit

Remember the part about organizing some donations for our local foster care office? Here goes...

{Oh, and there are two opportunities for YOU to get involved if you would like!}

When children come in to state custody they often come with very little. Caseworkers sometimes have to bathe the youngest children and scramble to find some clean clothes to put on them. Older children might be handed some toiletries and directed to the shower - in an office building downtown. Meanwhile, caseworkers attempt to find a suitable foster home placement. This is a difficult time for the children. Depending on the family size (number of children in care) it can be difficult for the caseworkers as they try to keep sibling sets together in foster homes. 

One small thing we are doing to help is organizing the donations in the supply room. Currently, caseworkers might spend a half hour or more trying to locate the right size shirt, then another half hour trying to find pants. After all that searching they then have to hope it's clean and that it matches -somewhat.

I spent some time last week sorting, thankfully I had a helper - which was a real blessing for this organizational-skill-challenged girl. We put outfits together, we made hang tags to separate the racks by size. We separated the used-clothing from the new clothing. We tallied our racks and I finally made a list of what is still needed. My goal is to have 3 outfits per gender, per size, up to 4t; and 2 outfits per gender, per size for the older kiddos. I can then easily inventory the racks in the future as items are used.

Here is a current list of clothing needs, by gender & size:


GIRLS

• 1 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 2 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 3 -  2 -  2T
• 3 -  2 - 3T
• 2 - 4T
• 2 -  1 - XS (4/5)
• 2 - S (6/7)
• 2 - 1 - M (8/10)
• 2 - 1 - L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

BOYS

• 2 - 0-3 mos.
• 1 - 3-6 mos.
• 1 - 6-9 mos.
• 1 - 12 mos.
• 1 - 18 mos.
• 2 -  1 - 2T
• 3 -  2 - 4T
• 2 -  1- L (12)
• 2 - XL (14)

{INVOLVEMENT OPPORTUNITY #1:}

If you would be interested in donating an outfit let me know in the comments here or on FB.  You can pick a size/gender if you would like or I can "assign" one to you.  (Sometimes I like to pick a match for my boys so they can shop).  The caseworker has requested that the clothing that is donated be new. After sorting it, I understand why - I found a lot of "pretty nice" used-clothing, but also found more stained and weirdly shrunken used clothing. The caseworker added that they cannot become "a dumping ground" and I know first hand that they do not have time to dig through bags of junk. Truthfully - ain't nobody got time for that!

There is also a need for new towels, blankets, and bags.

{INVOLVEMENT OPPORTUNITY #2:}

Remember the children often bring very little with them. We'd love for each child to have his/her own bag to carry their few possessions with them.  The caseworker said in our class that sometimes children have to carry belongings in shopping bags or trash bags.  When Brad asked what the current needs are for their office, she told us they need bags.  I mentioned this to my book club a week or so ago and my friend Jana was off & running with ideas for getting bags for the children. She has offered a Thirty-One Gifts fundraiser and will continue to encourage shoppers at future parties to purchase a bag to donate. While I was organizing the supply room, I found a few bags, but only 1 that would really be suitable for a child.   Click here if you would like to check out the fundraiser.

Jana and I both thought these cinch sacs would be a great choice for the kiddos.  Click here if you would like to purchase one.