foster care supply closet :: the little things

I forgot to tell you all that we ran out of hangers in the foster care supply closet last week.  That was a pretty fun experience. . .

Yesterday Brad came with me and I took a couple pictures to help you see inside it again.

When we were leaving we stopped by the case worker's office.  She jokingly asked if we wanted to take a baby with us.  He was in her office in his car seat, happy and alert.  

The clothes hanging in the closet seem so meaningless compared to a baby in a car seat.  The bras and bags and socks and shoes barely mean a thing when there is a child in an office waiting through phone call after phone call to find a home for him.

We couldn't bring that baby home with us yesterday.  {Mostly because of the whole retiring-from-the-Army-and having-to-move-out-of-our-house-by-April-29-and-needing-a-job-to-qualify-for-a-lease-thing.}

Leaving him wide-eyed and cooing in that office tends to feel wrong.  But I think that is the enemy at work.

We can't always do what our hearts would like to.  And we certainly can't do everything all the time.  Ever.  Sometimes this realization leads me to a place of "well, why do anything at all?"  

This is the wrong conclusion.  But the one the enemy would like us to trip up on.

Here's the thing, though::  When the caseworker finds a home for that sweet boy, she can offer: a few outfits, diapers, formula, a blanket, some lovies, bottles, baby wash, baby lotion, and a case of baby wipes!

This matters.  This helps with the placement transition.  It might be small, but it is important.

I didn't purchase those things for that closet.  All I did was tell people about the need. My part in it was small, y'all.  Miniscule, really.  Someone else bought all of those items.  They were faithful to their part, I was faithful to my part.  Someone else will be faithful in doing their part in bringing that little guy to their home.

Do not be discouraged to do the thing that you can do right now.  Whatever it might be.  Perhaps nobody can see it, maybe you can't even see how it is helpful.  God sees.  

Whatever that thing is that is in your heart to do, if you can only do a small slice of it today -- do it anyway.  Eventually those small slices will add up to a whole.  Consistently doing a small thing adds up to a big thing.  The enemy of our souls hates it when we realize this.

So I am doing my small thing today. 

Here is an update about the foster care supply closet needs.

I also want to encourage anyone that is local to join us at the Twilight 5k to support the foster care supply closet.  Click here for details!

Our church, Cascade Hills,  will be launching Mission 1:27 on April 5 & 6 2014.  Brad will be sharing in each of the services that weekend.  We are praying now for people that will want to join together to support children in foster care in our area.  From the smallest job to the hardest task, it takes a lot of people to care for these kiddos and their families well.  We are so excited about this opportunity.  And beyond thrilled that we get to be a part of God's work in this way.

Finally, if you would like to purchase a bag for the foster care supply closet, we are hosting a drive via Thirty-One gifts.  You can place an order through this link.  Everyone that purchases a bag will be entered into a drawing for hostess rewards.  Fun perk, huh?

As always, if you have questions please do not hesitate to ask!

last day

So many BIG feelings, y'all.

These last 8.5 years have been the best, hardest thing for our marriage.  Brad signed up at the prompting of our great God and we followed.  We had no idea what to expect.  We let go of extended-family traditions and plans to raise our kids close to grandparents.  We said good-bye to one another for longer periods of time than we ever imagined we could agree to.  

I watched God grow the man in my husband.  The leader of our family emerged with confidence to follow anywhere during these 8+ years.  Brad endured hard days of belittling in the beginning, which eventually developed a leadership skill set in him that held tightly to doing the right thing, the right way, every time.  His integrity has emerged stronger and the foundation of His faith has proven solid.  If the only thing our family had gained from these 8 years was the spiritual growth Brad reaped by following God here, it would have been worth it.  

But God, in His goodness, gave us heaps more along the way.

I have these friendships with women around the globe.  Friends that I might have never known otherwise.  Women that have loved me on my hard days, held my hand through some incredibly-ugly-crys.  Women that have shared the sorrow of being away from their husband + also being away from their parents, siblings, family. I have found there is no time for shallow friendships with my mil-friends.  I've made friends that have become family for my children.  This is no small thing.  I'll be forever convinced that God, in His goodness, has allowed my path to cross with the finest of the finest in regard to military wives.  My friends are just that good. I know many of these friendships will continue past this season of our lives.  

Quite a few of these friendships were forged at PWOC.  I will always be grateful for this organization and the way God has grown me through it.  I was blessed to be in leadership with some fabulously amazing and humble women.  I was given words of encouragement by women that mentored me and I will always carry those words in my heart.   I learned the beauty of working with a team for a season -- the beauty of sharing goals and compromising plans.  I learned about how God builds a team that might look unlikely and then He mashes the talents together to create brilliance that gives Him all the glory.  I'm so grateful that PWOC will welcome me even when I am no longer an active-duty spouse.

God held our family together even when an ocean + time separated us.  He showed me I had strength that only He could give, and He gave our young boys strikingly resilient hearts.  God showed us all how to love one another in the absence of physical touch and nonverbal communication.  The bond my guys have is undeniable.  God knits families together. {Who would've guessed the deployments would pave the way for knitting our family together through adoption, too? Only God.}

God also grew us as a couple during this time. In more ways than I could ever list here. One of the greatest gifts He gave us during Brad's time in service was our church families.  At both duty stations, God granted us friendships with people from our Sunday School classes.  One group carried us through that 15 month deployment, the other carried us through the adoption process.  Both groups loved us through our socially-awkward phase -- this, too, is no small thing.

God has been preparing us for this change over the last year. . .truthfully, He's been preparing us all along.   We wouldn't have guessed that a medical retirement after 8.5 years would be how this journey ended, but God always knew.  I know He is moving us to better places for our family for this time.  He has made that clear.  Its time to let go and we are mostly ready.

Sometimes you leave something great for something great.

I have loved this time.  It has been a great honor being an Army wife.  It is something special to have that title.  It is not lost on me that I am privileged to know that today is the last day Brad will wear his uniform.  Some wives do not know that until they get a knock on their door.   I am humbled to have known these women; women that have given their hearts to these men; men that have signed up to give their lives for our country.  Every mil-spouse has bravely volunteered to sacrifice as well.  So when Brad comes down stairs in his uniform and when I snap pictures of him today. . . I'll be thinking of the ones that didn't know it was their husbands' last day in uniform.

And my gratitude will spill from my eyes.
And I will thank God for this gift. 
And I will thank Him for men like Josh and women like Alyssa.
And I will promise to never forget and to always remember.

I can't sum up these last 8+ years into a tidy sentence.  But this verse seems fitting all over again. 

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."  Psalm 126:3

five minute friday :: crowd

Here's my link up to Lisa-Jo Baker's.  Even later this week than last! But, you know, better late than never, right?

 

 five minute friday :: crowd

As the day gets away from me, words crowd into my thoughts, my mind.  Things I maybe should've gotten done.  Things maybe I shouldn't have said.  Crowding around, filling up the space.  Its heavy at times.  That crowd of shove-me-around-drag-me-down words.  They try to crowd out the silly giggles we shared at lunch or the happy-after-school-tales.

But there is a quiet voice in that crowd.  Its that Voice that speaks truth.  It reminds me to remember the good, the gifts, the blessings.  It reminds me to be grateful.  To hold tight and speak up about the sweet moments that filled more of the day.

The Voice also reminds me that there is some Truth to glean from that crowd of end-of-the-day words too.  I surely can be more careful about what I say, and more careful with how I spend my time.  But the true voice speaks differently than those crowded words -- it speaks with Love, and with Hope, and with Grace.  It speaks of Mercy.

There is no condemnation here, not like in the crowded-jumbled words.

five minute friday :: willing

five minute friday -- on a Saturday!  {Rulebreaker!}

I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo and the special space that she has carved out for others to share their words.  Check here if you are interested in joining in!

Ready. Set.  GO!

Willing.

I say I am willing.  I want to use my gifts for His glory.  Yes I sure do.

Except when fear holds me back.  Or when I assume my gift is really just too ordinary.  Surely everyone has been told, "you should write a book!"  At least that I is what I tell myself.  When people say, "you are a gifted writer".  I more or less shrug my shoulders, kick some dirt around my toes and assume everyone that writes anything online hears this often.

So I discount my gift. The one I have repeatedly said I am willing to use.  I put it off.  I read every tutorial on pinterest for making a baby hat before deciding to just use the first one I found.  Then if I really want to put off writing, I'll go ahead and read the comments on that tutorial.  And hey! since this tutorial is so well-written maybe there are other tutorials I should look for by this person.

And the time I willingly set aside to write, is gone.

So am I really willing?

As I mopped yesterday and the dudes painted and I sang lyrics out loud. . . this one stopped me cold, "I don't want to be a thief who's stealing your glory."*  And it hit me.  I could steal His glory if I claim success as my own. If I don't acknowledge my writing as His gift.  But maybe, just maybe,  I also steal it when I choose to hide it away.  Keep it hidden and safe.

***
 Lyrics are from a song by Ellie Holcomb called, "Only Hope I've Got."  Her songs are scripture-based and hope-filled and all around lovely.  Always.

the bridge is broken

Recently a semi-truck hauling a construction vehicle collided with the bridge between our house and main post.  The boom arm of the construction vehicle was not all the way lowered therefore it smashed into the underside of the bridge as it drove underneath it.  It was probably traveling 45 mph. I imagine the crash was fantastic.  But I didn't see it happen.

The bridge is closed for an estimated 6-8 months.  You can drive underneath it but not over it.  If you didn't know what happened, you might not even notice the damage which is only visible underneath the bridge on one side of the highway.

Whenever we need to get to main post, we now have to take a detour off-post to get there.  Wilson + Walker's school bus also has to go off-post to get their school.  Commissary, PX, bank, hospital, PWOC, post office. . . all are on main post.

So we have a new routine whenever the little dudes and I drive somewhere on main post.  As I drive off-post, it begins::

Franklin: Why we go dis way?

Me:  The bridge is broken.

Lincoln:  Why we not go dat way?

Me:  The bridge is broken so we have to a take a detour.

((pause))

Franklin:  We go to commissary?

Me:  Yes, we are going to the commissary, but we have to go a different way.

Lincoln:  Why we go to commissary dis way?  We go to commissary?

Me: Yes, we are going to the commissary, remember the bridge is broken so we have to go this way.
Franklin: Why we go dis way to commissary?
Me: The bridge is broken

((pause for a bit longer))

REPEAT. ENTIRE. CONVERSATION. {sometimes 2x depending on traffic}

You can sub out commissary for any of the other places we go on-post.  The conversation remains the same.  The level of urgency in their questions varies though.  Every once in a while they will answer each other's questions. . . they'll mention the bridge being broken but I am not sure they understand that.  They can talk about it, but they don't really comprehend it.

I told Brad {sarcastically} that this is my favorite part about the bridge being broken.  The incessant repetitive questions.

But here's the deal.  I recognize my own voice in their questions.

I have slightly more sophisticated grammar, but the heart of the questioning is exactly the same.

I'm asking because I don't get it.  I've heard so many times that "His ways are not our ways." [see Isaiah 55:8-9]  I can talk about it but I don't fully understand it.  The evidence that this world is broken abounds.  But I still find myself asking.

Why are we going this way?

Why can't we go that way?

Are we still going where you said we would go?

He answers patiently through His word.  But I confess, I still don't understand.

Why are we going this way?

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you have tribulation, but take heart I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Why can't we go that way?

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face-to-face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."  1 Corinthians 13:12

Are we still going where you said we would go?

"The gospel of the kingdom shall be preached to the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come."  Matthew 24:14

I look forward to the day when the brokenness is gone.  When every tear is wiped away and every broken heart is made whole.  I long for the day when the heavy weight of sorrow is lifted forever.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.  Grant me patience as I wait for you.

more than a headline

You know we've all done it.  Read the headline, shook our heads with sorrow as our eyes welled with tears. . .  maybe even whispered a prayer for the family. . .  then went along with our day.

{For full article click here.}

This time its more than a headline for us, and I am praying you'll take a moment to read a little more about these friends of ours.

I suspect that anyone who has had a conversation with Alyssa would walk away feeling like they have made a new friend.  She is one of those rare, genuine souls that vibrantly connects with people.  I'm so grateful to know her.

I first met her a few summers ago during VBS.  I think she was the storyteller for the preschool age kiddos, and it was sort of funny because she was constantly having to "deal with" one of her sons in the class while she led the group.  She handled it so well, never shaming him or showing frustration, but also not ignoring the behavior either.  She flashed a smile as she joked, "of course, its the teacher's son!"

Sometime later, Alyssa and Josh started attending our small group bible study class on Sunday mornings.  Josh never seemed to be a fan of small talk, so it took a bit longer to get to know him.  Of course, eventually, we got to know him too.  Whenever he had something to say, you wanted to hear it.  Our class laughs a lot, but we also share deep hopes.   We'll cross the conversation chasm of guns + hogs to chasing lions in a matter of moments.  We've been able to see the love between Josh + Alyssa vividly as they shared their hearts with us during our times together.  Brad got to know Josh a little better too because he also went to the men's bible study at church.

Last spring, Alyssa finished her degree in counseling.  This fall, she began counseling in the chapel where PWOC meets to gain hours for her certificate.  When she found out the Esther class was being offered she decided to join us.  As is often the case in a PWOC small group, we shared our hearts and our tears and our hopes too.  Alyssa was authentic and caring whenever she spoke.  I think each of us in that class was blessed by her.  I keep thinking back to our discussions and the phrase "for such a time as this," keeps pounding in my ears.

They have six precious children.  SIX.

I got the text Friday night.  I think I nearly sucked all the air out of the room as I handed my phone to Brad.  He made a call to verify the news.  Everything in me wanted this to be a rumor.  I was desperate for this to be some misunderstanding.  Googling frantically.  Combing facebook for hints of the news.  Anything.  But the only hints we found were evidence of the reality.

Josh had been killed in a training accident.  He is gone from this earth.  And I can hardly type these words.   I wholeheartedly believe He is with Jesus.  But earth's loss is weighty and feels nearly unbearable.

Our hearts are so broken for them.  Whenever Brad and I find ourselves with a few moments of quiet, we begin praying through our tears - or maybe crying through our prayers.  I don't even know.  And I am not even going to pretend that we are their best friends, I just know that our experience is not isolated.  Hearts are busted all over the place with this loss.

Josh had 16 years of service with the Air Force.  He has brothers-in-arms all over the world that are missing him.  Alyssa has mil-spouse-sisters all over the world that are weeping for her.  Each of their six children have teachers or care-givers that are burdened with the sorrow.

So I am begging you friends, to pray often.

You probably wish there was more you could do.  There is one thing.  And I pray you'll do it.

They have a fundraising site established with the intent to set away some money for each of the kiddos.  I would love to see the total go right past the goal.

Please CLICK HERE to go to the fundraising page.

Any amount you give will be a blessing.  You can give anonymously or by name.

If you decide to give you can leave a comment and I think one day Alyssa will probably read them all -- so it might be nice to tell her what prompted you to give.  A military connection?  A momma-heart?   Maybe you can only give $7?  So what, tell her you wish you could take her out for a coffee and a donut.  Or if you are more health conscious than me, swap that out for a green smoothie and some quinoa.  Whatever. 

Give something.  Leave a comment for the family.  Keep praying. 

And if you feel lead to do so. . . pass this on.  Josh would probably hate all the fuss but I think he'd let it slide since it will benefit his family.

five minute friday :: small

While talking with one of my "encouragers" last week, she asked if I was still thinking about doing five minute Fridays to help me get back at writing.  I hemmed + hawed.  (Is that how you spell that?)  Very non-committal.

But today the prompt just fits with how I am feeling.  Small. 

***

Brad sent the text with "call me ASAP"  So I parked the cart off to the side and made the call.

There had been a shooting in the parking lot downtown.  At the DFCS office.  I think it took me at least 30 seconds to figure out what had just been spoken.

Then I remembered my friend was making a delivery down there today.  She had collected clothing from schools and day care centers around town as a special way to love on Foster Care kiddos for Valentine's. {She works with an organization called Live Your Love Loud, please check them out if you would like.}

I sent her a text.  She was there, but she was ok. 

I fumbled around the commissary with our double-steering-wheel cart.  My heart was broken for the workers that had lost one of their own. 

I felt small.  Helpless. 

I exchanged a few more texts with my friend that was in the office and with the caseworker I know best.  What I really wanted to do was curl up in a corner of the commissary and sob.

This broken world.  These heartaches. 

But I had that double cart overflowing with elbows and giggles and some shoving and reaching.  So I just kept pushing my cart through the commissary and praying God's presence and peace to be mighty in the offices downtown today. 

The real prayer of my heart is "come Lord Jesus."  I just want Him to come pick me up and hold me close and wipe away all of these tears and fix all of the broken pieces.  My own hurt is so very small in comparison to what others are carrying today.  Yet He sees my small.  And He doesn't dismiss it.

***

I don't feel right linking this up to the five-minute-Friday-party today, so I'm just going to quietly post it here.

Here is a link to the story.  Click here.

Please pray with me for the family members and friends of the victim. 

celebrating small.

I think I mentioned sometime last fall that I wanted to be more intentional about celebrating the little things.   

 

• Today, I am celebrating four (!) mornings-in-a-row with a quiet moment for a cup of coffee and some Jesus time before four boys are up.  If I am being honest, I think some mornings it's the coffee that pulls me out of bed -- Brad brews it before he leaves.  But I meet Jesus then too, so its a win-win. {Brad gave me a mug and some decals for Valentine's Day.  He bought them at Midtown Coffee House which serves Land of A Thousand Hills coffee. Now we have a local source for purchasing coffee that we feel good about!}

• I'm also celebrating that the little dudes slept until "the furby" turned on.  Which is technically an owl, but it reminds them of Walker's furby, so that is how we all refer to it.  Its an alarm clock of sorts and it lights up at 7am signaling its time to wake-up.  Most mornings there are a few reminders about staying in bed until "the furby comes on."  L + F are so much happier when they sleep until 7.  Its weird but true.  So this morning was just all around lovely! I couldn't help but giggle at how this picture of the owl turned out.  I'm celebrating that too :)

• I'm also celebrating the spring-like weather this week.  I know it won't last but it is just so delightful.   We are outside people.  Every last one of us is happier with some outside time. 

• Another little thing, which is actually pretty huge, is this lightness and rightness that I sensed as I walked out of church last night.  It is a feeling of unity and single purpose, and I would be foolish to take that for granted. I love what God is doing through Cascade Hills Church -- and I'm grateful to be a part of it.

• Finally, I am celebrating my scream journal.  I updated it with some verses so when I have to make an entry I'll be staring down some truth.  This is helping immensely.

How about you?  Do you have some small things worth celebrating today?  Do you have a routine for regularly celebrating the small?

overflow

Years ago, my sister made a ridiculously huge + fabulous Martha Stewart cheesecake for a family event.  I knew I'd love it and found a happy coincidence that Brad loved it too.  Since then my sister has made it for Brad a few times.  Once she even made it at our house in Oklahoma right before he deployed.  I remember buying the ingredients at the commissary that time and finding out that this is a pretty-pricey dessert.  Thankfully, my sister and  my step-mom kindly continued to make The Cheesecake for Brad on special occasions so I never did.

Until this year.

I decided that Valentine's Day this year was the perfect time to give it a try.  I told my sister via FB that I was going to try it.  I also called her at least twice for advice.  I unwrapped all SEVEN blocks of cream cheese and measured out a cup of sour cream and set out FIVE eggs so they could all come to room temperature.  I posted a giddy little picture on instagram of all my ingredients un-chilling on the counter.  

I talked to my sister on Valentine's morning for moral support.  She was also making The Cheesecake for her husband.  We compared recipe notes; she was using an online version and I still had a splattered copy in my binder from the pre-pinterest days.  We talked through the steps and I prepared my crust while I heard her kitchen-aid whipping up her cream cheese.  She had to hustle out to my nephew's Valentine's Day party so I was left to finish the steps on my own.

I poured the creamy deliciousness into my spring form pan all the way up to the brim.  I delighted the kiddos with plentiful samples of leftover batter.  {I know, FIVE eggs. They're fine.}

As The Cheesecake began to bake, I noticed it was rising right out of the pan.  I texted my step-mom to see if this was normal and she assured me it was.  Crisis averted.

Until about 10 minutes later... when I posted this photo.

I texted my step-mom again and she said, "mine does that too.  I started not using all the batter."  I texted her this lovely picture and she replied, "that's how my first couple turned out.  it will taste good."

Meanwhile, my sister confessed via FB message that she almost called me to tell me not to fill my pan up all the way...but she was running late to a very important Valentine party.  

I was reassured repeatedly that it would still taste fine.  

{and it did}

I thought it was funny that both my sister and my step-mom have made this cheesecake so many times, yet both forgot to tell me the part about all the excess batter and the overflow.

It reminded me of how often we make a mess and forget later that we did.  

Thankfully, my sister and my step-mom, reassured me in my mess. 

Sometimes when we find ourselves in a mess, the best news of all is knowing we aren't alone.  One of the most generous things we can do for each other is share our messes.  Almost every mess has a lesson.  Sharing those lessons we've learned can help someone else avoid a mess.  Or if the mess is unavoidable at least we can say, "I've been there too."

"Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived." Galatians 6:1-3

I'm guessing the second time I make The Cheesecake the mess will be avoided.  But I hope it will always be a reminder for me about the messes I have forgotten.

play your one note

When our boys came in to foster care their first placement was with an older foster mom lovingly called "Grandmother."  They were there for a week or so. It was too hard for Grandmother though, so they called the woman that became their foster mama for 8 months.  She told us the story of how she was in Florida when they called to see if she could possibly take them.  She recalled speeding back up to Columbus while on the phone telling the caseworker, "don't you separate those babies! I'll be there as fast as I can, don't you dare send them to separate homes!"

I remember feeling so grateful for her determination for our boys -- before she even met them.  I thought about this story all over again today.

I went to the foster care supply closet with a small agenda.  I wanted to take a quick inventory and hang up some happy words.  The closet was actually a bit of a wreck... a few things were shoved in random places, lots of empty hangers lying around.  Which tells me it must have been a busy week for kids coming in to care. It didn't take long to get things back in order (by God's grace, there is order in that space!).  I took an inventory but I haven't yet compared it to last week's list or really even pondered it at all.  After I hung the little buntings, I talked with one of the caseworkers.

She told me about a sibling set of four -- the oldest is 7 the youngest is 6 months or so.  {I have to break this down for you, because each line is heavy and deserves some space around it.}

Last night they spent the night in four separate full-to-capacity foster homes.

They are awaiting placement in a county an hour away.

There are ZERO available foster homes in our county today. 

Y'all, can you even imagine?  Four kiddos, 7 and under - separated from one another.  I pray they are placed together even if it is far off.

Right now in our county, EVERY child that comes in to care will have to go to another county.  EVERY foster home is full.  Every sibling set will likely spend at least a night apart while the caseworkers scramble to find a foster home to take all of them.

I got to my car and bawled and prayed.   What else could I do?  I tried not to let the instagram picture of the little buntings sting too much, as those tiny, felt words seemed so so small.

I remembered this quote from Jen Hatmaker, "You play your one note & I'll play mine; and together we'll be a song that sounds like freedom for the captives."

I believe God is doing a great work in our community.  I am humbled to be allowed to glimpse it from my current place.  I am praying for the ones He is calling up to become foster parents, for the ones that will support them, for the ones that are praying for the children-in-crisis. 

I'm going to keep playing my one note.  I'm so grateful that I get to.

supply closet Februray update

Do you remember when I posted this:

She mentioned that sometimes the difference in whether or not a child comes in to foster care is a car seat.  Some children come in to foster care in this community because their parents do not have a car seat.  Y'all.  She also mentioned that the same circumstance is true for pack-n-plays.  Babies need a safe place.   Not all parents have the cash to drop on a pack-n-play.  I have two pack-n-plays in a closet right now.  They were generously given to me.  Not everyone has generous people in their lives supporting them.  This is an opportunity to serve right here in this community.  If you have (or know someone that has) a car seat or pack-n-play that can be donated, let me know.  We'll get it to the right place.  Of course, these items should be in nice condition. We can buy new pack-n-play mattress pads or sheets if yours are stained due to the horrible Rotavirus. {Oh, that might just be ours.}  [Click here for full post.]

Shortly after that post, we cleaned up our pack-n-plays and donated them to the supply closet.  Last week, I was talking with one of the caseworkers about some of their current needs.  She mentioned that they were able to give away the pack-n-plays that we had donated right away.  She said some children were about to come in to care but they had a grandmother that could take them instead... however, the grandmother didn't have any beds for the children (or funds).  A phone call was made and the caseworker was able to pass along the pack-n-plays. 

I don't have all the details and don't understand all of the circumstances, all I know is that donations in that closet help children in crisis immensely.  And immediately. 

Those pack-n-plays were the first place our babies slept in our home.  I had posted on FB to see if anyone had some we could borrow and the next day my friend, Teresa, drove from Atlanta to deliver two brand-new-top-of-the-line pack-n-plays (along with a bunch of other stuff!)  Those pack-n-plays made the rounds with us to Florida and Michigan and Alabama and a few other places too.  But our boys outgrew them.  I wanted to pass them along to someone so I could be a blessing the way Teresa was to us.  I wouldn't have guessed that they would be used in a placement plan that kept children with family members instead of coming into a stranger's home. 

I know many of you like to keep up with the needs of the office so I am going to share a list right now.  When I did the inventory this week, I only marked complete-winter-appropriate-outfits for each size.  If you should find a deal on jeans or yoga pants or long sleeve tees or whatever, feel free to pick some up - even if you can't make a complete outfit.  The pink sparkly shoe story taught me that God makes outfits from all over the place.

Of course, we need shoes as well.  All sizes.  There are currently 12 pairs of shoes total for all ages so feel free to buy any size. 

Other items that are also needed:
towels
blankets
underwear
undershirts
bras
socks
bags (for children to carry their items along with them)
small stuffed animals or other "lovey"-type items

All items should be new {with or without tags is fine}.  The exception to new items would be car seats or pack-n-plays that are in good condition.  

As always, if you have ANY questions, please let me know!

Thanks, friends, for being so generous!  You look a whole lot like Jesus when you love like this!

birthday boys!

I just read you "Oh the Places You'll Go" before your nap time.  It's a favorite of mine on birthdays.  You'll see. 

It's hard to believe you are already three.

You are both so independent.  You like to let us know your opinions. Often.

Franklin, you are two minutes older than Lincoln - I'm guessing one day you'll rub that in.  You can be a serious snuggle-bug when you are in the mood.  You love to listen to books being read to you.

You are still a-bit-picky when it comes to trying new foods, but you generally give it your best shot {often including dramatic gagging}.  You are definitely motivated by sweets and would likely eat sweets exclusively if that were an option.  You l-o-v-e to go.  All out.

Lincoln, you are our youngest {for now}, although its not easy to tell.  You like new adventures and you are generally eager to greet anyone that is kind to you.  You flash your smile and melt hearts immediately.

You love to sing along to whatever songs you hear - although there are times you put in requests for specific favorites too.  You l-o-v-e to be outside.  You would be out there all-day-every-day if we let you.

The two of you together are each others' biggest fans.  One of my favorite parts of the day is when you are both awake giggling at each other behind your closed door.  Your delight in one another is just so obvious.  You sometimes do these silly little chants that no one understands but the two of you.

You have branched out to different classes at church and you are thriving in your own space.  But you do love seeing one another again afterwards.  It's almost too adorable.

I keep catching myself all teary-eyed today because I am just so blessed to be your momma.  I have lots of big thoughts about your birth momma today too.  I can't figure out a way to put those thoughts into words, other than that I am so so grateful that she gave you boys your birthday. 

do not fear

Dear 2014,

How YOU doin?  {please read that in Joey Tribbiani's voice for old time's sake}

I'm catching up to the New Year finally.  Today I wanted to share a brief {?} story with you about God's faithfulness.

Its been almost a year since we've been jarred awake to the work God is doing in our community.  Sometime last spring Brad sent an email to our caseworker to see how we could help support their office.  I would have never predicted where that would go.

Brad and I were recently reminiscing about when we were in our pre-adoption classes and how uncomfortable it was and how awkward we felt at times.  And now, God has changed us so dramatically.

I never saw this coming.  Organizing a closet in the office?  Asking friends to donate items for children in crisis?  Three years ago, I didn't know anything about any of it.  At all.

But God knew.  All along.

And my face doesn't know if I should smile or weep at that thought.

It's all just too much.  His grace.  His love.  The depth He will go to redeem His children.  The absurdity that He has asked me to be His child.

It's all just too much.   And its so good to be aware of the too-muchness-of-it-all. 

Ok, so yesterday,  I am floating on the too-muchness of our good God.  I'm marveling over the idea that He uses the foolish things of the world to shine His glory around.  You know when you are just absolutely in that moment of realizing your smallness and His bigness and the honor to just know Him and know that He knows you?

I was in the middle of all of that as I walked out of the foster care office yesterday.  I started thinking about something I overheard on the way out.  It was a small detail that was hard and heavy for the person bearing it.  I wondered about how I could tell you about it.

In that moment fear crept in.  Yes, in that lovely moment darkness came lurking.

There are a handful of lies that the enemy has repeatedly thrown at me throughout this past year.  That worm will use different phrases but the main idea remains the same.  "The Church doesn't want to help a government agency."  "It is too political."  "It is too risky."  "It is too big of a mess."  "The government has enough money already."   

I too easily latch on to this thought-line and run with it.  Eventually I land at "I'm an idiot for thinking any of this matters."  It isn't pretty, is it?  It's also somewhat shocking how quickly I can go there.

But God in His Goodness and tender Love never leaves me there for long.

Last night Brad played this video for me.  Big, fat tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.  For the children in crisis, for the places our boys were, for my own heart that was reminded GOD IS MOVING.  His heart IS for these children and He is not intimidated by the government.  Across this nation, He is waking hearts to the needs right here.


Who are US Orphans? from The Global Orphan Project on Vimeo.

Whenever I get scared off, He reminds me that He said, "do not fear"  But it doesn't end there, and without the end, that "do not fear" would be empty.  But He never hands us empty words.  I don't know what might be scaring you these days, but this I know.  You are not alone.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' 

 Isaiah 41:10 NASB

the best kind of surprise

On Sunday, Pastor Bill talked about how much he loves to give gifts at Christmas.  He said he makes a list of all the gifts he gives and then numbers it.  He doesn't give any hints and has the kids open their packages in a certain order.  He talked about how great it is to see the anticipation on his loved ones' faces knowing that he's picked the right gifts for each one.

How much more does our Father enjoy giving us the right gifts at the right time?  He delights in giving us good things.

This confirmed for me all over again the goodness of the plans our God has for us.  The certainty that He has the just-right job for Brad once this Army stuff is all over.  Its boosted my confidence to wait for Him to give it, knowing He will give it at the right time.  Sometimes I feel like begging for hints.  Maybe just give me a sneak peek... like Christmases past when I would sneak into my dad's closet and try on my clothes... but then God gives us a week like this, with special moments downtown and a sneak peek at how He is at work in the details and His presence is just so near.  And I know.  I know His plans will be the best kind of surprise and they will be just right for us.  So we'll wait to unwrap that gift until the time is just right too.

Speaking of Christmas gifts, we had our Family Christmas this past Saturday.  It gives our boys time to play with their presents from us and gives us more space in the car (because we don't haul their gifts with us!).  We had a really nice day and I think 5 out of 6 of us stayed in jammies until bedtime when we put on fresh jammies for bed.  All of the boys were thrilled with their gifts from us and it was just a lovely day.  My heart is full and my burdens are light, my hands are open for the gifts He is giving this season.

Looking forward to our trek north and the word on the street is that we'll have a white Christmas; of course, we're more excited about seeing family than seeing snow {especially me, there's only a small slice of my being that is looking forward to snow - and only for the boys' sake!}

pink sparkly shoes and the God who knows

When Brad and I walked in to the Department of Family & Children Services office yesterday, we were invited in to pray with part of the staff.  It was humbling and amazing and felt a little bit like holy ground... holding hands with state workers, praying on a Tuesday morning for at-risk children and the ones that work hard to love them well.  God is at work and we are so thrilled to be a part of it.

But we aren't a part of it alone.  So many of you have helped... and given so much more financially than we have.  I wish each of you could have been standing in the supply closet when the caseworker told Brad and I this story.

A little girl came into care last week.  She came at night with only her night clothes on.  In the morning she decided she wanted to go to school that day.  She picked out an outfit that fit her just right.  They found a necklace for her to wear.  There was even a jacket that fit her.  It even matched her outfit.  Then she looked at the shoe shelf and timidly asked if she could have the "pink sparkly shoes."  She had no shoes.   Of course, the "pink sparkly shoes" were her size too.  A caseworker fixed her hair nicely.  And she stood proud.  She was going to be late to school, but she r-e-a-l-l-y wanted to go now that she was all dressed.

When the caseworker picked her up at the end of the school day, she asked if anyone complimented her outfit.  She said the little girl flashed a big grin and said, "yes!"

I tried to keep the tears pooled up in my eyes as I listened.  I could picture this sweet little one who had been through who-knows-what in the night... standing taller and proud because she had a cute outfit on, pink sparkly shoes, and even a little bling around her neck.

It's a tiny piece in a huge, messy puzzle... but it matters.  Every item donated has a purpose, we pray for the kiddos that will wear these items.  I cannot thank you well enough.  I hope somehow you understand that your gifts to these kiddos help in ways we can't fully comprehend.  When you can't buy one of everything in every size {and I know some of you wish you could}, I do believe the Spirit leads you to buy what we'll be needing.

Everything this little girl needed was there - in her size.  He knew what this little girl needed, and prompted y'all to buy the bits and pieces to make up a whole outfit.

I stand in awe. Our God loves His little ones.

I'll add an updated needs list to this post shortly.  But I wanted to get the story written for those of you that have given.  I can't be certain, but its likely that this little girl walked out of that closet with items that were sent from Hawaii, Alabama, Illinois, Michigan and Fort Benning.  How awesome is that?

Here's the updated needs list!

 Remember, clothing items must be new.  Some sizes have either pants or a shirt but don't make a complete outfit... so feel free to buy bits or pieces, the outfits will come together perfectly. I am certain of it.

Here is a list of the shoe sizes we need as well:

Other items that are needed:
towels
toiletries for older kiddos
socks
underwear
like-new small toys, stuffed animals, balls, coloring books

As always... if you have ANY questions feel free to ask!  Thank you so very much for caring for these kiddos in crisis! 

when you feel less-than

There is this one lie that exists in certain circles that makes my blood boil.  I get angsty and want to blurt and holler and cry all at once. 

Likely, because I thought that lie was true for awhile too.

I saw a familiar hurt last week as I listened to a discreet story.  The one about past sin that haunts.  Do you know it?

This lie lodges in - somewhere between confession and freedom - this lie that some sins are worse than others.  Some sins render you worthless, useless, broken for kingdom work -- that somehow you will always be less-than because of it.

If you've never heard this lie, and never believed it to be true; then you are probably shaking your head in disbelief.  Shocked that people fall for this junk.

If you are like me, you've battled this lie and by the power of the Holy Spirit you've won; but you haven't forgotten how heavy the weight of it is. 

Or if you are acquainted with that lie right now, if today it is lingering in your heart, then you might be thinking, "but you don't know what I've done."

It's true.  I don't.  I have no idea what you have done.

But I do know what God has done.

He won.

Sister, there is not one thing on this whole earth that you can do that He can't redeem.  Not. One. Thing.

There is not one sin that cancels out your potential for God's kingdom work.  Not. One. Sin.

The accuser would rather you remain feeling less-than.  Believing this lie that although you are forgiven you are broken, saved but sidelined.  But that is just not true.  The best way to battle a lie is with Truth.

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1 NASB

The accuser wants to keep you cowering low.  But, sister, hear me.  You are free.  When you walk in your freedom the glory of God will shine through.  The accuser would hate for that to happen.  If you feel condemned, it is not from God.

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:1 NASB

Deny the accuser a place in your thoughts.  Call him a liar and kick him out.  You have sisters cheering you on through tears, because we've been where you are.  Our deepest prayer is that you will know :: You are free. You are whole. You are redeemed.

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it?  I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19 NASB

When He forgives, He does so in a way that our minds can barely comprehend. 

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him." Psalm 103:11-13 NASB

You are not less than.  You are a child of God. 

simple advent

Advent has begun! And I r-e-a-l-l-y just wanted to tell you about what we are doing this year... mostly because its low-key yet our guys love it.  None of these are original ideas of my own, just things pieced together to work for us. We do a pretty basic advent countdown calendar.  We hung our bags up Saturday night and the boys were quite delighted to find them.  Each bag has a sweet treat {usually a piece of candy for each boy}, an advent Scripture passage, and an activity.  The activities are generally things we do each December anyway but its more exciting when its in a bag I guess.  {Examples: Watch Rudolph, Go see lights at Calloway, Drive to Michigan, etc}

I wanted to tell you about it, though, because this year we also added a reading from the Jesus Storybook bible and we are loving it. 

We had the best discussion this morning at breakfast about how mind-boggling it is to think about "the beginning."  Such sweet treasure!  

As you can see, I used markers to number our bags, and randomly cut pieces of construction paper to write the details on.  You don't need to go all out or get crazy fancy.  {Or you totally can if you want to; but I want to assure those of you that feel behind that it is SO NOT about the level of fanciness!  I promise your kiddos will not care a bit.  Not a single boy murmured a word about me not using cute-scrapbook-paper for the numbers!}  You won't see a pin on Pinterest of these paper bags and that's ok.  This is just a simple way for us to slow down and connect each morning in December and help build the anticipation of our coming King.  If you don't have bags, use envelopes!  Or just put it on the counter in the morning.  Whatever! 

If you have The Jesus Storybook Bible it'll be easy to jump in today.  Click here for the list of readings. And guess what?  I just found out there is a printable there if you just want to print off the list.  Bonus!  {If you don't have The Jesus Storybook Bible you might want to add it to your Christmas list.  It is beautiful.}

If you want to read the other scriptures we are using this year, I found them right here.  I am sure there a bunch of places you can find advent readings.

This is really just for those of you that were hoping to do something for Advent this year but didn't get it together yet.  You can make it simple.  You can make it work for your family.  It doesn't have to win craft awards or be pin-worthy.  Keep it simple and enjoy your kiddos.  I promise you won't regret it. 

when the holidays are hard

Sometimes, seeing holiday decorations in the store in September gives you a pit in your stomach. You knew in your heart the holidays would be hard this year, but you had no idea you'd physically feel it.

I know because I have had that experience.  And every year I remember.  I remember for me, because God was near in a way I hadn't experienced before and I don't ever want to forget it.   I also remember for you.

Maybe this year you had expected a big, round, growing belly-full-of-baby, but instead you carry the heartache of a loss. It's ok to still be sad months later. It's ok to remember what you had hoped for.

Maybe you made space in your home and your heart for a child to join you through foster care or adoption, and you are still waiting.  Your arms are empty and the longing for someone you've not yet met overwhelms.  Its ok to lean in to that longing, God put it there.

Maybe this year you aren't unpacking decorations where you thought you would. You aren't where you expected for reasons you don't yet understand. It's ok to feel disappointment; even if you are certain God's plans for you are good.

Maybe you won't be celebrating with the one(s) you want to - maybe you'll celebrate together via Skype or FaceTime miles apart. And you'll be so grateful to see one another but all the more desperate to hold close and hug tight. It's ok to let the joy mingle with sorrow. You don't have to choose just one.

Maybe this holiday season is one more in the string of "after" holidays. Your loved one is gone and every holiday since is a different kind of hard. Grief joins you unexpectedly and unpredictably. Maybe deep down you are hoping for just one holiday season like "before" because it's beginning to seem so far away. It's ok if you can't make sense of it. It's ok if one moment you are jolly in a way you thought you wouldn't experience again; only to feel guilty the next moment for letting yourself feel that joy. 

Sometimes, the holidays are just hard. Please know I'm praying for you through the hard.

When Brad was deployed, there was this one mental image that carried me through the longest nights. It seems a little silly when I explain it. It was based loosely on that children's song, "He's got the whole world in His hands." I imagined God's Hand was big enough to hold our family together. Though miles apart, I imagined the Creator could hold both Brad & I tightly together in the palm of His hand. I begged Him to do that for us. I believe He did.

My prayer for you through this holiday season is that Hope creeps in. I pray that as you let hot tears of hurt roll down your cheeks that you won't try to stop them or hide them - but that you'll offer them to Him. I pray you'll sense His presence in an unmistakable way, maybe like never before. I pray you'll be certain that He is with you even if you are in a mess. Because He is.

I pray your heart lets Hope in. I pray it settles into nooks & crannies you hadn't thought about in years. I pray it crowds around your hurt like so much Kudzu on a Georgia pine.

You are not forgotten, and you are not alone.  God welcomes every part of you to Himself.  May your Hope grow in this fertile soil of ashes and pain. May the hope of future glory carry you, as you wait for the Beauty to come.

May these words fall over you like the first time.  Might we all cling to them with bravery.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  

 Romans 5:1-5

answered prayers

Once again.  God answers prayers in a surprisingly amazing way.  And I am humbled and awed and feel so itty-bitty small.  In the best way.

Thanksgiving is this week.  I think its fair to say the holidays are upon us.  Its such a joyful & generous time.  It truly is, and I love it.

However, I've been carrying around a small concern for a week or so.  We had talked to the caseworker at the foster care office about providing Christmas stockings for the Christmas party.  We weren't really sure if it would be something we could try to organize through our church or if it was something we would just ask friends to help us with.  Of course, Brad being on lock down this week dialed up my anxiety a bit about how/when we should do this.  Oh, and we are talking about two hundred (200!!!) stockings.

Meanwhile, I hadn't been to the supply closet in about 4 weeks due to all the sickness that we had going on here.  I found a lot of empty hangers; which always gives me mixed emotions.  I'm grateful that there were suitable clothes available for the children that needed them - but I am always a little sad that a child needed them.  Does that make sense?  While I was doing the inventory on Tuesday, I noticed that there are a lot of very-summery-outfits.  (Which are nearly perfect here 8 months out of the year!)  I decided to edit the list to reflect how many outfits we currently have that would be appropriate for the current weather.  There are quite a few gaps.

Of course, I thought about all the needs and felt a little stuck about what to do.  There are so many great opportunities for giving at this time of year.  Most of them are much more convenient and better organized than our little operation.  I wasn't sure what to do or how to start.  Brad wasn't here to talk any sense into me, so I just prayed.  I asked my PWOC bible study class to pray about the stockings with me because there is a deadline looming.

And I waited. 

This morning at church, I mentioned the stockings to our Bible Study class too, asking for prayer about how/when to do this.

After class my friend, a teacher at the middle school, said, "We'll do the stockings."  And I nearly cried.  When I got to worship service I did cry.

I was sure He had a plan for these stockings.  I was desperate for Him to show me the plan ASAP.  Of course,  He revealed it in the just-so-perfect-way that leads me again to say, "Only God."

I am going to go ahead and post a list of current needs for the foster care supply closet.  With all of the crazy sales this week, I thought there might be some good opportunities to grab some deals.  As always, we need new items.  If you have any questions {a-n-y questions at all} feel free to ask them.  I know I often leave out important details! Also, you may have an idea that I hadn't considered, so please share!

Just as a word of encouragement, if you cannot purchase anything right now, please pray for the kiddos in care.  God will provide the needs.  I started tracking retail value of donations on September 28.  Since then we've collected $2799.82 worth of items.  So I do not doubt that HE WILL PROVIDE.  Your prayers are essential!

OTHER NEEDS:
Shoes
Socks
Underwear (boys & girls including bras)
Winter hats
Mittens

NON-CLOTHING ITEMS:
towels
shelf stable snacks
older kid toiletries (deodorant, body spray, etc)
books*
activity pads
stuffed animals*
sports balls*

* these items can be new without tags, or excellent used condition ;)

And this, just because it blessed me so much.  This video from The Forgotten Initiative helps share the heart beat of what we do, and gives a glimpse into how the donations bless children, and how important your prayers are.  While we aren't quite at the same level as this group, I think the main point translates well to what we are doing here in our area.


Their Story: The Forgotten Iniatitive from Vale Church on Vimeo.

a little love note to November

Dear November,

You might be my favorite. 

You are just so unassuming and inviting.  You are smack dab in the middle of two big-hot-button-point-your-finger-defend-your-family-choices holidays.  I've waded through the pro-Halloween and anti-Halloween posts.  And you give me a little bit of a breather before the online Christmas controversies get all fired up.  You give me time to just be grateful.  That's all.  I don't have to make any arguments for taking time to reflect on the good things I have been given.  Nor will there be criticism for counting my blessings.  (Although undoubtedly someone will post this gem :: I don't need one day {one month?} a year to be thankful because I am thankful every day.) 

Its finally cool-ish here most days and it just feels like fall.  November, you usher in the anticipation of advent by waking my heart to gratefulness.  You provide an annual meet-up with my Savior, a set-apart time.  My offerings of gratitude seem small and humble but He welcomes me to sort through the year-past and remember the treasures that have been given. 

There is something so powerful in gathering up these good things, of holding them up to Him in praise and adoration.  It is contentment.  It is joy.  It is a memorial.  It prepares me to wait for Him to come.

Sure, technically, Thanksgiving is on the last Thursday of the month; but November, this month-of-gratitude-thing is catching on.  It's not competitive or exclusive.  It is so fun to see others share their thankfulness too, this vast collection of gratitude offered up as praise to our Creator, our Savior, our Gift-giver. 

One of the most clever things about you, November, is that in giving thanks daily; our hearts pick up a habit... and that is really something to appreciate. 

So welcome back, November, I am so thankful you are here!

With gratitude and anticipation,
amanda